so then a women who is not real pretty can never find love????


Closed Thread
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #21  June 17,2009, 6:32am

Unregistered

Joined: May 2008

SoCal

Posts: 7,705

See profile

No, not all, Kat - what this means is people in the same league gravitate to each other. (Hate to use league but had to for lack of a better word).

I remember a conversation with my ex-bf once and I remember being so offended at the time. Somehow our looks came up and we were talking about it. And he said, we are both average so it makes sense that we are together. And in my head I was screaming, "Average??!! Why you SOB, I am hot!!! And you are too!!!"

He did not mean that he thought I was average - just my looks - Ha! Ha!. He still found me hot and irresistible (or at least he use to ). But if he was looking objectively at me for just looks, he would call me average. Ohh, how that burned! But yeah, I got what he meant.

When men say they need to find someone attractive - it just means that need to be attracted to their mate (same thing for women). Attraction is not just looks or just one thing - it is a bunch of little things that add up to us wanting to be with this person - this particular person.
 
 
waltercl is offline waltercl Post #22  June 17,2009, 6:51am
waltercl's Avatar

is Feeling good about life ............................

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

The South

Posts: 1,711

See profile

What you're going to see men agree on more than looks is not being fat. A lot of men will tell you that they find someone who is more slender more attractive (disclaimer: slender does not mean Size 0 or 2, that is skinny.) And of course men will not all agree on one standard for what is slender.

But when you start discussing what men find attractive as far as just looks then you're going to get into a much more varied opinion. Women might feel that Hollywood and TV sets the standard for what is "pretty" but they are wrong. Men are attracted to what they are attracted to. For instance I think the nerdy Tina Fey with glasses look is attractive. Put that look on a slender person, and you've got someone I would find attractive no matter what anyone else thought. I've brought up before that my ideal look is the person that plays the mom role on a children's flu commercial. She's slender to average in physique, and in terms of looks she is pleasant but nothing close to stunning. I much more prefer this over the glamorous Hollywood model. I think most men know that the more glamorous look many times isn't even real. Take a look at some of those photos of stars without makeup and you realize what those people look like on an everyday basis.
 
 
AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #23  June 17,2009, 7:30am
AsianFusion's Avatar

got married!

Veteran

Joined: Nov 2008

Texas

Posts: 1,014

See profile

When men say they need to find someone attractive - it just means that need to be attracted to their mate (same thing for women). Attraction is not just looks or just one thing - it is a bunch of little things that add up to us wanting to be with this person - this particular person.[/quote]

+1. Everybody (men and women) is attractive in his or her own way. They just need to find, or be discovered by, that someone who knows how to appreciate them for who they are.
 
 
DDjr is offline DDjr Post #24  June 17,2009, 7:37am
DDjr's Avatar

Enthusiast

Joined: Dec 2008

Posts: 848

See profile

Thanks walter for continuing to bring some sense to these discussions.

--------------------------------------------

Looks matter. Weight matters. Height matters.

If you are 500 pounds overweight you are not going to marry Bill Gates or Mel Gibson.

Everyone must accept that someone of the opposite sex is likely to NOT be attracted to them for whatever reason.

I am slightly under average height. I accept that when I am matched with women that are 6'+ they are probably not going to be interested in me.

---------------------------------------------------

What everyone (male and female) has to do is first accept what they look like. (No matter how much I wish it, my legs ARE NOT going to grow another inch.) Then you need to look in the mirror and start finding things that you like about yourself.

Find some inner self-confidence. When you are self-confident this shines through and naturally makes you appear much more attractive.

Get 100 pictures taken of you. (Pay someone to get professional quality pictures if you must.) Find the handful of pictures that capture you at your best! If you're overweight, fine, pick a picture that shows exactly how your weight looks on you.

Post these pictures and let people see them immediately. The ones that are concerned about exactly how much you weight or do you look like a nine plus will close you immediately. But that's what you want since the ones that don't will have an idea of what you look like and will be REALLY INTERESTED in you.
 
 
KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #25  June 17,2009, 12:50pm
KungFuFtr's Avatar

I just saved a bundle on child support by switching to condoms!

Veteran

Joined: Dec 2008

San Antonio Texas

Posts: 1,025

See profile

waltercl wrote :
For instance I think the nerdy Tina Fey with glasses look is attractive. Put that look on a slender person, and you've got someone I would find attractive no matter what anyone else thought.
I second the "glasses look"!
 
 
Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #26  June 17,2009, 1:34pm
Mr_Right's Avatar

says this is the best wedding picture!

Virtuoso

Joined: Jun 2008

USA

Posts: 4,402

See profile

KungFuFtr wrote :
I second the "glasses look"!
Thirded! I think my girlfriend looks ultra-hot with glasses on.
 
 
DanielJr82 is offline DanielJr82 Post #27  June 17,2009, 1:47pm
DanielJr82's Avatar

Quick Study

Joined: Jun 2009

New Bedford, MA

Posts: 105

See profile

I like chubby or full-figured girls with a doll face... I don't know. I'm a curves kind of guy. :P (Not obese, though. My partner needs to be relatively healthy.)

I say that because normally women consider any form of fat unattractive. Let me tell you there are chubby chasers out there, lol.
 
 
ChildofGod777 is offline ChildofGod777 Post #28  June 17,2009, 2:11pm
ChildofGod777's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: Jun 2009

Vancouver,Wa.

Posts: 2

See profile

I think beauty is inside a person. You can be a georgous woman or very handsome man and on the inside be very ugly. Yes, there are thoes that look only on the outside of a person to determine if they want to be with them or not. Personally I think this is sad. Looks fade but if a person has inner beauty chances are it will be there forever. I personally have an eye fedish. My mom always said it is the mirror to the soul. I look more at personality and how I am treated than the outside of a person. God made us ALL beautiful in our own way. Just something to think about. God Bless you all in your search.
 
 
stevex is offline stevex Post #29  June 17,2009, 2:14pm
stevex's Avatar

Life is a blessing, it's a delicatessen.

Veteran

Joined: May 2009

Austin, TX

Posts: 1,297

See profile

What I find pretty may not be what my roommate finds pretty. Yes I want a woman that I am attracted to, I judge this on my own tastes and there are many many attractive women out there.
 
 
IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #30  June 17,2009, 2:17pm
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 2,847

See profile

Mr_Right wrote :
Well, put it this way. If you're not pretty, your 'pool' of dating applicants will go down.

Don't hate, I'm just stating the way the world works.

It's going to be more difficult for someone who isn't pretty to find someone than someone who IS pretty. But it can be done. Plus there are things you can do to bump up a few notches on the pretty scale (i.e. work out, wear flattering clothes, etc).

I'm just saying, it's harder for not-pretty women to find love than pretty women, but it can be done. Besides, what we're talking about is that initial attraction, not compatible personalities.
I will agree with that. But I will also add that physical attraction is only one part of attraction, which to simplify, is dependent on 2 things:
1. Appearance (and it's not just about the weight, trust me, it's individual perceptions, which are affected by various factors from darwinism to neuropsychology to childhood upbringing and media influence)
2. Biochemisty - ever wondered how you can see a beautiful woman but not really wanted to drop everything and run after her?

ETA. Just to say that it's not just "initial" attraction. Most people need to be attracted to their partner throughout the term of their relationship. Yes, it changes and becomes more emotional and intellectual, but there still needs to be a physical element to it. (how many times have we heard - my wife gained weight and I don't find her as attractive any more, but then for others it doesn't matter much). All has to do with our brain encoding...

As for the rest, as hard as it is acknowledge, and this is not going to be a popular opnion, but we, humans, are very hedonistic by nature. All we really want to do is ensure survival of the species and derive as much pleasure out of it as we can. So how we feel about things is a very strong driving force, no matter how much we like to rationalize it. I'm going to run now, before I'm told again that I'm a lunatic (which I am, of course)
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 17,2009 at 2:25pm.
 
 
Closed Thread


« How many first dates do you average from eH? | Dating | I think I respond to emails too fast, thereby appearing desperate/smothering »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
Why Successful Women Can't Find a Great Man eharmonyadvice Ask a Dating Expert 630 August 16,2011 9:01pm
Why is it acceptable for men to want 'pretty' women, but not for women to want wealthy men LereleiLee Dating 332 August 19,2010 5:19pm
Should We Date Outside Our Race If We Can't Find Love Of A Black Men Or Women ? Honey45 4 us Black Women/Men ISO 8 August 12,2009 4:31pm
Is There Something Dating Articles Aren't Telling Women? outlaw1 A Man's Point of view 22 August 12,2009 8:04am
Old Fashioned Romance & Courtship Just_A_Thought Love in Color 78 May 31,2009 6:54pm

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value.” –  Raw_Truth

Join the “Very discouraged.” discussion

“ I figured it had something to do with that "hair gel" that Cameron Diaz was using in the movie "There's Something About Mary"...” –  Shelby

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion

“I used to do this in my youth. A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“ You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't tried it. If you do, please let us know how things go. . Lol!! Why don't you try it first ... ” –  EccentricAmbiguity

Join the “Belly Fat” discussion

“Trust your gut feelings! It seems to me his friend does not have a sense of boundaries and it seems that your boyfriend is doing nothing to discourage his constant annoying interference in your ... ” –  elliechris

Join the “When is friendship a problem” discussion

“Lol yeah I do hope so. Thanks again! ” –  elyone

Join the “Profile Review please 25/F” discussion

“Jenky & PSG, you two are so great! I'm loving following your story! I admire you both for being brave enough to try this. LDRs are hard no matter how you look at it. It requires a significant ... ” –  singinggirl

Join the “My Virtual Relationship or The five day first date” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:29am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0