How long do you take to determine if you have chemistry?


View Poll Results: How many dates does it take you to determine physical chemistry/attraction?
1-2 dates 106 73.10%
3-5 dates 34 23.45%
6-10 dates 3 2.07%
10+ dates 2 1.38%
Voters: 145. You may not vote on this poll

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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #11  June 16,2009, 9:46pm
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Chemistry is determined in the first minute.
 
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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #12  June 16,2009, 9:47pm
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Normally,I'm attracted to someone right away or I'm not but a few months back,I met somebody through Craigslist.We talked quite a bit before meeting.We had a lot in common and I really liked who he was a as a person but when we met,I wasn't initially attracted to him.I was more attracted to him by the second date and by the third or fourth date,the attraction was really there.I gave it time because I really liked who he was as a person and I thought the attraction might grow and it did.The relationship didn't work out because he had issues from the past he still needed to deal with but we are still good friends.Sometimes it just takes time.
 
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j0hn8andy is offline j0hn8andy Post #13  June 16,2009, 10:30pm
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If the chemistry is real, I think you know right away. Do you stop breathing when he's close? Is your stomach doing flip-flops? It's like that Tanya Tucker song -- If It Don't Come Easy-- Only once did I continue to see the guy when the chemistry wasn't there, & that was only because I wasn't ready to settle down yet, I was between marriages, & needed the practice, you know? Once I got my feet in the water, got comfortable with dating, I moved on. If I am serious & the chemistry isn't there, I won't waste my time. It really depends on what you are looking for...
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #14  June 17,2009, 3:32am
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It's too bad this poll didn't have categories like: "less than 5 minues", "1 date", "2-3 dates", "4-5 dates", "6-10 dates", and "10+ dates". That would have been more revealing, as I suspect most of the differentiation is in the first 3 or 4 categories (some people decide instantly, some take one date, and some take longer).

My best relationships have usually developed out of little/no initial attraction/"chemistry" (not that the person wasn't attractive), but when doing the online thing, I usually try to make a decision by the 3rd date (but often by then the decision has already been made for me).
 
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dreamingartist is offline dreamingartist Post #15  June 17,2009, 6:12am
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I feel like half the answers here are mistaking "attraction" for "chemistry".

I can think a supermodel is "attractive". But if she makes a rude remark about someone, lights up a cigarette, and talks about how she was out till 5 am doing 8 balls off the bar counter with the 3 old guys buying her drinks, I would lose the chemistry instantly.


second. I absolutely do NOT generate chemistry with a girl until I have let myself feel like I want to have more with her. I am guarded, funny, friendly, but absolutely not romantic. It takes me 2 or 3 dates to feel like I want to hold her hands. It may take longer for me to kiss her.

On the flip side I can goto a bar, drink some beer, walk up to any easy girl and within 10 minutes be kissing her. So which girl would have more chemistry. which girl would have more attraction. etc. You can't have chemistry with someone in 30 seconds. You can have initial attraction and lust. But chemistry takes longer to truely develop. Because you have to mix all your ingredients in, and see what kind of reaction you get.. hence the word "chemistrsy"
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #16  June 17,2009, 7:15am
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As physical attraction is part of the equation I can tell immediately if I would go if I was to wake up next to them.

However on the flip side, I have never experienced instant sparks and will take whatever time is required to get a real feel for who the person really is.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; June 17,2009 at 7:19am. Reason: hit wrong button
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #17  June 17,2009, 7:25am
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For all you "instant" chemistry people how is this working out for you? Reading both the posts here and in any of the other threads on this subject it would seem that it hasn't / isn't as there is usually some reference to your divorce. Of course it could be that you and I define long term success differently.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #18  June 17,2009, 7:40am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
For all you "instant" chemistry people how is this working out for you? Reading both the posts here and in any of the other threads on this subject it would seem that it hasn't / isn't as there is usually some reference to your divorce. Of course it could be that you and I define long term success differently.
+1
 
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waltercl is offline waltercl Post #19  June 17,2009, 8:27am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
For all you "instant" chemistry people how is this working out for you? Reading both the posts here and in any of the other threads on this subject it would seem that it hasn't / isn't as there is usually some reference to your divorce. Of course it could be that you and I define long term success differently.
The assumptions of this post are wrong on so many levels. All of the married men I've ever talked to said relatively the same thing about knowing early on if there was attraction and chemistry with their current spouse.

The problem isn't that people decide early on if there is attraction and chemistry, but the problem is that not enough go beyond this and explore how compatible they are on a deeper level.

So if we want to see more successful relationships and marriages then what we need to learn is how to get to know someone beyond that initial attraction and the traits we need to be looking for that are going to contribute to a happy and satisfying long term marriage.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #20  June 17,2009, 8:44am
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Physical attraction - blink of an eye.

Personality match - one to five dates.

True long term potential - several months or more.
 
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