What would you say to this guy?


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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #1  June 16,2009, 5:36am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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Hi all,
About 3 months ago I decided to join the rest of the population of this planet, and made my first foray into the world of online dating. I’ve done my research and narrowed down my options to Match and EH. I ended up choosing Match (I’m a control freak, and was having a hard time giving up control of all 29 dimensions ). But then I came here to see if I should possibly switch or also join EH.

Anyway, I created a rather interesting and unusual profile (even if I say so myself ), which attracts more attention than I ever thought it would. I’ve met some very interesting people, some not so interesting people, and some downright scary people. In fact, I thought I’d seen it all by now. Apparently not so.

Today I received an email from one of my “matches”. He’s good looking and not a bad match on paper (until the part where he describes himself and what he is looking for!). I understand that it’s not easy to approach a complete stranger, so I have a policy of always replying to emails (not to winks). I have been trying to write a civil reply. I’ve tried three times, but I just burst out laughing right after “Thank you for the email” part… I’ve been laughing for a while now, whatever I write sounds really bad, so I’m looking for some suggestions and recommendations here, please.

Here is the email and profile in their entirety (without the stats):

E-mail: Hi there. Interesting profile. Hope you are real and wrote it yourself ...lol. We have a lot in common. I’d like to take you out to dinner before Friday. Please get back to me within 48 hours, time wasting is not my thing. And don’t work too hard. You won’t have to, if you get along with me (you sound like a smart cookie, so you'll know what I mean...lol)

[I][COLOR=blue]Profile: I'm pretty simple. I want someone who'll take out the trash, put the kettle on and have dinner ready by 7. I'd be interested if you're an early riser on the weekend so that you can take Alex (that's the son-to-be) to soccer practice and take Charlotte
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #2  June 16,2009, 5:58am
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To me there are some red flags in what he has communicated. I personally don't like the "get back to me w/in 48 hours" command w/o asking and involving you, or w/o consideration that 2 days is short notice, and you could be busy and unavailable these next few nights. W/ this said, I could also appreciate his directness.

I also didn't like the first four lines of his profile. He has already communicated his willingness and desire to allow someone else to carry his responsibilities, as he unburdens himself from them. These are not tasks I would want to pick up so early on? What else will he "absolve" himself of? And where is his genuine interest in you?

My reply would be that I am interested in and open to meeting him for dinner and I would state what day and time works for me, and I would suggest a couple of locations.

IceCreamMoon, get on the internet and look up an article called I Want A Wife; I think it's something you'd really enjoy and appreciate. It's classic.
Last edited by pamcam; June 16,2009 at 6:01am.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 16,2009, 6:16am
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LOL.....oh wow.....that really is too funny....

Here is my response:

I'm available to inspect your premises tomorrow at noon. Be sure your staff is lined up to meet me - that means the butler, the cook, the maid and the nanny in that order. If you do not have a full staff, get cracking. Also, have your banker on standy to transfer all your accounts and funds to me assuming you, your staff and your premises are found suitable. I share your philosophy about not wasting time. Glad to see you've traveled abroad. As you know, Paris is great this time of year for shopping. Have your secretary book a trip for me for next week. You are not coming along, but the pool boy is. You will stay and work and make sure I have plenty to spend. I'm sure you are a smart man and understand the deal here. Hope my honesty is not too much for you.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #4  June 16,2009, 6:18am
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You just can't be nice to some people ...

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I think if I got something along those lines, the only appropriate response would be Close->Reason : Other, but good luck!
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #5  June 16,2009, 6:19am
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My mistake Moon; I thought you were seriously considering meeting him, even as I couldn't possibly fathom why you would want to since I would have just closed, w/o any response.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 16,2009, 6:24am
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pamcam wrote :
My mistake Moon; I thought you were seriously considering meeting him, even as I couldn't possibly fathom why you would want to since I would have just closed, w/o any response.
Because something like that just begs a snarky response.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #7  June 16,2009, 6:37am
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"Hello and thank you for the email. I have a few requirements of my own. First, I subsist on a diet of onions, baked beans, and Clamato. I do not shave and I only bathe in the light of the full moon. You'll need to start thinking about what to do with Alex and Charlotte on the weekends, because I already have Saturdays planned out for us. Please respond to this email in 23.74 minutes as I'm extremely busy taking over 3rd world countries and don't have time to mess around."
 
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brneyedangel is offline brneyedangel Post #8  June 16,2009, 6:51am
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would very much appreciate it if the rain would stop, now! Thanks!

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DancingFool wrote :
LOL.....oh wow.....that really is too funny....

Here is my response:

I'm available to inspect your premises tomorrow at noon. Be sure your staff is lined up to meet me - that means the butler, the cook, the maid and the nanny in that order. If you do not have a full staff, get cracking. Also, have your banker on standy to transfer all your accounts and funds to me assuming you, your staff and your premises are found suitable. I share your philosophy about not wasting time. Glad to see you've traveled abroad. As you know, Paris is great this time of year for shopping. Have your secretary book a trip for me for next week. You are not coming along, but the pool boy is. You will stay and work and make sure I have plenty to spend. I'm sure you are a smart man and understand the deal here. Hope my honesty is not too much for you.
This is great...still laughing.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #9  June 16,2009, 6:58am
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Now see, I read that profile and I see a great sense of humor. Understand, I am not a dating guru and my track record of failure speaks for itself, but the whole thing seems pretty tongue-in-cheek to me and I'd be intrigued enough to at least meet him. I do get so weary of all the bland sincerity (which turns out, more often than not, to be not sincerity so much as lack of imagination).

Send DancingFool's response...I'm betting he takes it as the satire it should be. Add a note that Alexa, not Charlotte, would like a Mercedes for her 18th birthday now, please.

Of course, he could be totally serious or perhaps this kind of humor just isn't your style, but that profile shows me someone who doesn't take themselves or dating so seriously that they forget to have fun.
 
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DontCallMe_IllCallYou is offline DontCallMe_IllCallYou Post #10  June 16,2009, 7:10am
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is happy.

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DancingFool wrote :
LOL.....oh wow.....that really is too funny....

Here is my response:

I'm available to inspect your premises tomorrow at noon. Be sure your staff is lined up to meet me - that means the butler, the cook, the maid and the nanny in that order. If you do not have a full staff, get cracking. Also, have your banker on standy to transfer all your accounts and funds to me assuming you, your staff and your premises are found suitable. I share your philosophy about not wasting time. Glad to see you've traveled abroad. As you know, Paris is great this time of year for shopping. Have your secretary book a trip for me for next week. You are not coming along, but the pool boy is. You will stay and work and make sure I have plenty to spend. I'm sure you are a smart man and understand the deal here. Hope my honesty is not too much for you.
OMG, I am so laughing at this response. Could it be any more perfect?

I just read one at Match yesterday where the guy was demanding the girl have 34D's. But a very large C might be okay. He also mandated what kind of pictures should be posted including a head shot - with a clarification of "not THAT kind of head lol!" (ugh!) - one in a bikini, and one in a cocktail dress or mini dress.

Some of these people can't be for real.
 
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