mas810 is offline mas810 Post #1  June 15,2009, 8:28pm
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I have gone on two dates with a very nice guy. It seemed like we had a lot to talk about on the 1st date but we kind of ran out of things to talk about on the second date. I guess I should preface that by saying he is extremely shy. However, he calls me almost every night or texts me and always asks me out on another date. Our third date is tomorrow and I'm just wondering what topics I should bring up and if its okay to ask him if he has seen other people from match. com or eharmony and things about past relationships or if its way too soon. Also, he hasn't hugged me or kissed me yet and I'm just wondering why.

I would love some advice.
 
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Squarf is offline Squarf Post #2  June 15,2009, 9:48pm
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If I were on a date and I ran out of things to talk about, I would ask the weirdest questions I could think of....

"If you could be any animal, what animal would you be and why?"
"What was your favorite book as a child?"
"What was your favorite television show growing up?"
"What's your favorite flavor of ice cream?!"
"What was your favorite subject in grade school and why?"
"If you could have any super power, what would it be and why?"
"Who is your favorite actor/actress and what is your favorite movie that they are in?"


Then again, questions only work if they like to answer questions. It's too soon to ask about past relationships IMHO, not to soon to ask if you guys are dating exclusively, and if you ask him why he hasn't hugged or kissed you yet... well if he is just a really shy person and that's why then chances are it will only make things worse. You could always initiate the hugs too, I always like it when girls do that!
 
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cccthatsme is offline cccthatsme Post #3  June 15,2009, 10:11pm
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Seems like this guy really likes you and you two are hitting it off. You are going on your 3rd date now, and you text alot, so I don't see why you couldn't ask him if he is dating others. I personally think you should just let the conversation flow naturally. Talk about what evens have happened since you two have seen each other last. Ask him about his day. Good luck =)
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #4  June 16,2009, 4:01am
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mas810 wrote :
Also, he hasn't hugged me or kissed me yet and I'm just wondering why.
Has it occurred to you that he may be off posting on some other internet forum asking why you haven't hugged or kissed him yet? Why does he have to make the first move? If you like him, I'm sure he'd be thrilled if you made a move. If you just can't bring yourself to do it, are you sure you're sending out positive signals that he's picking up on to indicate your interest? If you really like this guy, he keeps doing things to show he's interested, and you two have fun together, does it really matter how quickly you get to the first kiss? Just concentrate on learning more about each other, sending the right signals, and having fun (!) and I'm sure it'll all fall into place.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 16,2009, 5:05am
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First I would suggest an activity date. Don't do yet another date where you are sitting staring at each other trying to make conversation. Get out and do something active so you do have a shared adventure and stuff to talk about or observe and comment on, etc.

Second, what's stopping you from being a warm friendly person and giving him a hug at the end of the date? You have to realize that guys are not mind readers and you need to clue him in that it would be ok to hold hands, give you a hug, kiss you, etc.

Third, while it's ok to ask about past relationships, I would stay away from asking who else he is dating. That's an awkward conversation stopper to put it mildly and if he is honest and tells you yes, he is seeing 5 other girls, how would you react and respond anyway? After just three dates you are not really at a let's have an exclusive relationship point, so I would not bring that up. If you two really click, he'll stop dating others and you'll have that conversation and if you don't, oh well. Either way it does not matter at this point.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #6  June 16,2009, 5:32am
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I agree with Dancingfool about finding somewhere to go that does not include alot of just sitting. I would look through the newspaper or local online site to see what activities were scheduled for the weekend, then I would choose one that looked like something both of you would like. Good luck
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  June 16,2009, 9:30am
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Sharing an activity on a date is both a fun thing to do and it generates conversation.

I don't think that it would be appropriate to ask directly if he is seeing others. You can ask questions such as how long he has been on the site, what kind of success he has had, has he used other dating sites. Ask him the same type of dating questions that you would feel comfortable answering if he ask them of you.

As for a hug and / or kiss. Why don't you initiate the hug and / or kiss.
 
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JillianDewwell is offline JillianDewwell Post #8  June 16,2009, 10:06am
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Hi!

I agree with the suggestions that you have an activity date. Even a movie is a great way to spend time together and NOT talk, and then afterwards you can talk naturally about the movie.

As for physical affection, gee, if he's shy, and only two dates so far, why not give it some more time? A week's worth of dates (7) would still possibly be too fast for him. By all means, reach out and touch his hand, but give him some time to get used to you if you find you actually like this hard-to-talk-to guy.

Best luck!

Jillian
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #9  June 16,2009, 10:32am
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DancingFool wrote :
First I would suggest an activity date. Don't do yet another date where you are sitting staring at each other trying to make conversation. Get out and do something active so you do have a shared adventure and stuff to talk about or observe and comment on, etc.

Second, what's stopping you from being a warm friendly person and giving him a hug at the end of the date? You have to realize that guys are not mind readers and you need to clue him in that it would be ok to hold hands, give you a hug, kiss you, etc.

Third, while it's ok to ask about past relationships, I would stay away from asking who else he is dating. That's an awkward conversation stopper to put it mildly and if he is honest and tells you yes, he is seeing 5 other girls, how would you react and respond anyway? After just three dates you are not really at a let's have an exclusive relationship point, so I would not bring that up. If you two really click, he'll stop dating others and you'll have that conversation and if you don't, oh well. Either way it does not matter at this point.
Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
Sharing an activity on a date is both a fun thing to do and it generates conversation.

I don't think that it would be appropriate to ask directly if he is seeing others. You can ask questions such as how long he has been on the site, what kind of success he has had, has he used other dating sites. Ask him the same type of dating questions that you would feel comfortable answering if he ask them of you.

As for a hug and / or kiss. Why don't you initiate the hug and / or kiss.
I agree with everyone on the activity date but I'll be the dissenter here about discussing other dates.

I always start a discussion about eH dating (or Match) with the intent of leading to 'Are you dating anyone else?'. I just think it needs to be learned early on.
 
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Shouldknowbetterbynow is offline Shouldknowbetterbynow Post #10  June 16,2009, 11:14am
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Wow, well first of all it sounds like a really promising situation, you've been out twice and both want to see each other a third time, he's texting you a lot and expressing that he wants to see you again. Those are all big pluses.

I wouldn't ask about his other potential dates, it can spoil the mood and make someone feel embarrased, even if they have no reason to be. He must be interested in you otherwise he wouldn't text all the time and want to see you.

The idea of an activity date is a great one, you can have a shared experience which you both enjoy and you can talk about and remember fondly afterwards. If this isn't possible then maybe even try taking him to see a movie then go for a drink afterwards - then you can at least talk about the movie you've just seen together.

When it comes to the shyness, its really not that easy a thing for someone who is unsure and shy to come out of nowhere and hug or kiss someone. From personal experience i've spent far too long trying to work out if someone likes me, what I should do, should i hug them or not? And i always run myself round in mental circles. He's probably waiting for some kind of sign, something to give him the all clear and that he won't be rejected. But then that's probably what you're doing as well with him.

So how can we get around the shyness? The best way is to start slowly and build gradually. Don't go straight for a hug or kiss, unless you are feeling brave or bold. Instead start with something as small and innocent as holding hands. If you are out for a drink or a coffee, have a drink and then suggest you move on somewhere else. One of the great things about June is that it tends to be good weather outside and great for walking in the open air. As you walk together just gradually reach out and touch his hand, all being well he'll take your hand as you walk, if not then take his hand as you walk. Its something small and not nearly as intimidating as a hug or a kiss, but it still conveys quite a mesage and when you are walking hand in hand chances are that it'll reassure both of you and make you both feel a lot more comfortable. Its a start, a small step but it will help, if it all goes well maybe try to hug him or see if he wants to hug you goodbye.

If you both like each other then hopefully you'll give each other the time to get comfortable around one and another and things will grow from there

Hope it all goes well
 
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