I think it's spineless when men poof. Why can't you just say "hey the chemistry wasn't there for me." Better rate how 'bout stating the real reason! I'd rather hear that than silence. If the woman can't take the reason, that's her problem, not the guy's.
I have never "poofed" on a guy. I always take a moment to state the above or similar. Even though I've been "poofed" I still have the decency to let the person know it's just not happening for one reason or another. Maybe I need to change my point of view but I don't understand all these games people play.
I'll admit that not all guys are mature enough to be honest and up front on a break up. However, it been my experience that not all women are mature enough to handle the news either. I've had some bad experiences trying to breakup with someone who didn't take it well, and it became a roller coast of how can I change to make things work. If a guy goes poof it might mean that he wasn't comfortable enough to think you could handle the break up. And he did have your feeling in mind to make the final break. Also, it may not have been poof, it may have been her wishful thinking that he wasn't serious that he didn't feel the same way.
I'll second the idea that it isn't just guys who go poof. I've had a couple of women stop replying to my emails, and then close communication, giving "I was put on hold" as the reason. I figure that if I send an email, and she doesn't respond, then she's not the one who's been put on hold. Women are just as likely to poof as men, but if it's still in the email stages, then it really doesn't matter. There's no point nor any justification for making assumptions about why they poofed.
I believe this article was very well put together. Bravo. I recently experienced a gentleman that was of glib tongue and the words flowed like honey. When a bump came in the road he disappeared.
He not only is a player, but seems a coward and very shallow in the end. Some men of weak character think women can be played like a violin and I am sure this can work both ways, but a women of confidence that knows she played by the rules should let it all go as soon as she can and occupy herself with other pursuits.
5. He was laid-back (aka pot smoker - that's a new one)
6. He did not have enough money
7. He does not talk to his mom enough
8. He talks to his mom too much
I've had hundreds of matches poof on me at various stages of communication. Yet I've never done it myself... until now. I'd always tell a match the reason (gently) and close. However, I've had a date 10 days ago that was kind of nice. Having a nice time with no major dealbreakers was a progress. Yet, I didn't feel enough enthusiasm to continue immediately. But she seems kinda nice to close. So now I'm in the process of poofing. I'm upset at myself for not living up to my own high standards, but am not sure what to do...
I've had hundreds of matches poof on me at various stages of communication. Yet I've never done it myself... until now. I'd always tell a match the reason (gently) and close. However, I've had a date 10 days ago that was kind of nice. Having a nice time with no major dealbreakers was a progress. Yet, I didn't feel enough enthusiasm to continue immediately. But she seems kinda nice to close. So now I'm in the process of poofing. I'm upset at myself for not living up to my own high standards, but am not sure what to do...
A certain lack of attraction I guess is the major thing. Although in the past I'd still go on the 2nd date even if I felt little chemistry during the 1st. A couple of minor things like different eating and exercising habits. But I often overlooked those too. Usually the answer is clear to me whether to continue or not. Maybe the universe wants me to poof.
Well, the bandwagon around here would tell you if there is no attraction, you better run... I am a little different. If I like a person and have an intellectual and personality connection, there is a sense of attraction all on it's own and develops the more I get to know the person. But that's an individual thing.
Not sure what you mean by different eating and exercising habits though.
Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value. –
Raw_Truth
I used to do this in my youth.
A couple relevant factors likely were that I broke up with them, they would have liked to re-engage and I had poor boundaries--desperately wanting to stay friends. ... –
EccentricAmbiguity
You can also try saran wrapping your midsection for a few days. I've heard that works but I haven't tried it. If you do, please let us know how things go.
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Lol!! Why don't you try it first ... –
EccentricAmbiguity
Trust your gut feelings! It seems to me his friend does not have a sense of boundaries and it seems that your boyfriend is doing nothing to discourage his constant annoying interference in your ... –
elliechris
Jenky & PSG, you two are so great! I'm loving following your story! I admire you both for being brave enough to try this. LDRs are hard no matter how you look at it. It requires a significant ... –
singinggirl
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Most anyone has been there I imagine. My advice is: don't over think it, it's all a numbers game (more for some than others), focus on your happiness/life, and work on your market value. – Raw_Truth
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