Here’s a quick guide: 1-3 Dates – No contact needed 4-7 Dates – Short email or call 7+ Dates – Face to Face
Ah, now this last part is useful! That's a decent set of rules.
Let me address the other points:
o Emotional Midget: Men aren't emotional midgets when they vape. They were obviously victimized by a neurotic and overbearing woman.
o He is a Player: Actually, he was afraid he'd contract an STD. He inferred this from the way you were dressed.
o He was Pretending: Check the mirror, your neuroticism is showing.
o He doesn't "like-like" you: Well, duh. If he "like-liked" you he'd call, right.
And, here are two FACTS for you.
1) A woman vaped on me after dating for 6mos. She wound up married, and called me a few months after the annulment.
2) Another woman vaped on me after six very nice dates. "POOF." Ran back to her ex.
So... well, there you go. Women vape so they can be with other guys. That's my dataset.
- Saul
I actually liked this article too. There was another article not that long ago injecting some common sense into the whole chemistry and attraction discussion. So it's nice to see some common sense being injected into the whole poofing discussion.
I've always thought it was crazy to think someone owes an explanation if they decide a person is not for them. As the article points out there is no reason to detail all the things you thought were wrong about them.
So now EHa has officially set the rule that if you've only been out 1-3 dates then no explanation is necessary, and it is ok to Poof. When we hear complaining on this in the future let's just refer them to the article and save ourselves a lot of debate.
Maybe he went poof not because it was a perfect date, but because the kiss felt like she was sucking him through a rinse cycle in an automatic car wash!
Sad but true... I loved the date but had a near drowning experience.
I never called her again.
I tend to poof if I'm doing all the calling, texting and arranging. I figure I'm putting forth effort by initiating and showing interest; then, she should do the same. Why do I owe someone an explanation if they're the one being aloof or playing hard to get.
Excellent point. After a while a guy gets tired of this type of thing. The girl may think she's wisely playing hard to get, but really she's just setting herself up for losing the guy.
I think the problem with most women is that they second guess themselves alot more then men do. It's easy for a guy to go 'poof' because like some of you guys have mentioned - it's onto the next. However, with women, we think on terms of "I think the date went well...Didn't he like me? Did I look okay? Why hasn't he called?"...in other words - they overthink things. They should just take the hint and move on... Easier said then done I know. But if a guy/girl likes you, he/she likes you. If he/she doesn't, he/she doesn't. And certainly if they haven't called you back, they just weren't into it. Simple!
I think the problem with most women is that they second guess themselves alot more then men do. It's easy for a guy to go 'poof' because like some of you guys have mentioned - it's onto the next. However, with women, we think on terms of "I think the date went well...Didn't he like me? Did I look okay? Why hasn't he called?"...in other words - they overthink things. They should just take the hint and move on... Easier said then done I know. But if a guy/girl likes you, he/she likes you. If he/she doesn't, he/she doesn't. And certainly if they haven't called you back, they just weren't into it. Simple!
So you're saying that all women should read that book "He's Just Not That Into You"?
Interesting that just today I was having a discussion about "poofing" with a girlfriend. Both of us were thinking we had been victims by the guys we have been dating, who disappeared for a few days without plans for a future date. But both of us got a call today from our guys to go out.
I really have pretty much no problem with the first date poofers, especially since most of my dating comes from online. How can I be offended if I go out on one short date and he doesn't call again? Especially if a guy hasn't kissed me (I don't kiss on a first date), it isn't that big of a deal. I have had that happen often enough and have stopped worrying about it at all.
However, I have had a couple of guys poof that were way past the 7 date rule and it is infuriating to me. Guys, there is no better way to tell a girl that you have no respect for her or for yourself than by leaving her to hang dry without any warning or explanation.
I need closure, but I don't need a detailed explanation. Something like, "I don't feel right about this relationship and think we shouldn't see each other anymore" should suffice. And it really makes me mad when you have a major make-out session (not the first with that guy) and he poofs. I always wonder if he was planning it the whole night and acted all romantic with the intention of never seeing me again or if it was a spur of the moment decision.
I have never poofed on a guy in my life. When I feel a relationship is not right, I always try to do right by the guy and let him know in a kind but concise way. I don't go into detail on the why, but I always thank him for the time we spent together and try to make sure he knows I have no hard feelings that it didn't work out.
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Wiseman2
If you have yet to meet, you don't know him or whether you two will form a connection. Connections formed over e-mail tend to be fantasies. You will see this echoed over and over by experienced ... –
shapeShifter79
Then it's a bit premature to worry about being friend-zoned. The first step is to go out on dates!
What specific steps did you try?
How many women did you ask out in person?
Did you buy a ... –
shapeShifter79
Hi eccemuliere and welcome to eHA.On an internet forum like eHA, you're going to get a wide variety of responses; some you'll like and some you won't. It's best to focus on the ones that speak to ... –
Sassafras54
Although I have ignored my gut at times, in hindsight it's always been right, in terms of recognizing bad choices.
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But once we realize our past mistakes, we can use our reason to clue us ... –
eccemuliere
Do you have something completely stupid to talk about? Come here. Talk. It's a simple two step process. Please have a good sense of humor about all this. It is good for the heart.
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