Gentlemen, why do you put this in your profile?


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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #1  June 15,2009, 5:23am
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In so many profiles that I read, men keep advertising that they are laid back, shy, and quiet as if this is a great personal asset or a great personality trait. Meaning that it's phrased and presented as a huge positive personal quality. In fact, sometimes based on the rest of the profile, their profession, etc., it's quite obvious that the person is anything but shy, and yet....... I'm just curious why men think this is a positive quality to promote. What is the logic behind that? Also, do women see this as a positive quality in a man they want to date? Why so or why not?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  June 15,2009, 5:36am
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DancingFool wrote :
In so many profiles that I read, men keep advertising that they are laid back, shy, and quiet as if this is a great personal asset or a great personality trait. Meaning that it's phrased and presented as a huge positive personal quality. In fact, sometimes based on the rest of the profile, their profession, etc., it's quite obvious that the person is anything but shy, and yet....... I'm just curious why men think this is a positive quality to promote. What is the logic behind that? Also, do women see this as a positive quality in a man they want to date? Why so or why not?
Some guys are shy whether it's an asset or not is your call. Contradictions in their profile seems to be the question here. Maybe they are advertising the "strong, silent type" . And trying to make you "bring them out of their shell" by coming on to them. They also don't want you to think they are a player who is outgoing with all the ladies. Watch out for contradictions. If he's so shy, quiet, laid-back, etc. Why is he on at least one that you know of dating sites?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  June 15,2009, 5:51am

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OMG YES. *laughs

I don't get it. does laid back mean they smoke pot and tinker in the garage on weekends? or does it mean they just "roll with the punches"? if so, ask him to go to a bridal shower with you if he's so easy going.

now, the shy/quiet part is more serious to me. i talk for a living, and even the thought of going on a date with a guy i have to pull information out of is exhausting.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  June 15,2009, 5:53am

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i've also seen a lot of men put "sensitive" down, and that's also a red flag for me.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  June 15,2009, 5:55am
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I think that eH simply attracts more people who are shy and who have more trouble approaching others offline (I think of "laid back" and "quiet" as different characteristics that may or may not be associated with shyness). I just see the statement more as a heads up that they may not come on like gangbusters, but have to take a little time to become comfortable with someone before they relax and open up.

I don't actually see a conflict between having a career that requires one to be outgoing and being a shy person (some leading actors/actresses, for example, are in fact quite shy). Shy people can learn to overcome their shyness in some situations by using different compensation strategies even though they haven't overcome it in others...
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 15,2009, 5:59am
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Not exactly sure what you are trying to get from this post but laid back, quiet and shy are not at all the same thing and may or may not all exist in the same person.

They also may or may not be good traits to have. I happen to be all three though I don't mention it in my profile.

If you are on the "hyper" side being with someone who is "laid back" may be a calming influence to you. If you are laid back then you may want to also be with someone who is laid back and can just sit down, put their feet up and chill.

Someone that is quiet may mean that they are not interested in being the center of attention or the life of the party. It does not mean that they are boring or asocial.

My telling you that I am shy does not indicate that I am not warm or friendly. It just means that I may not be a forward, forceful and as outgoing as someone else. It may mean that if you take me to your family reunion of 10 siblings (adults) you are going to need to stay close to me for a bit until I begin to feel welcome.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #7  June 15,2009, 6:00am
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I don't think being shy or quiet is something to brag about. That suggests that on dates, a woman may have difficulty getting him to open up. The inconsistency you mentioned with the rest of their profiles may mean they are confident in the office and with friends, but not so much when dating. Again not a good sign.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #8  June 15,2009, 6:01am

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neardc wrote :
I think that eH simply attracts more people who are shy and who have more trouble approaching others offline (I think of "laid back" and "quiet" as different characteristics that may or may not be associated with shyness). I just see the statement more as a heads up that they may not come on like gangbusters, but have to take a little time to become comfortable with someone before they relax and open up.

I don't actually see a conflict between having a career that requires one to be outgoing and being a shy person (some leading actors/actresses, for example, are in fact quite shy). Shy people can learn to overcome their shyness in some situations by using different compensation strategies even though they haven't overcome it in others...
mm, that's not what i was saying.

i dated a guy recently (just one date) that was witty and charming online but in person couldn't even make small talk. i can't be with someone that it's work to talk to.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #9  June 15,2009, 6:03am
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Wiseman2 wrote :
Some guys are shy whether it's an asset or not is your call. Contradictions in their profile seems to be the question here. Maybe they are advertising the "strong, silent type" . And trying to make you "bring them out of their shell" by coming on to them. They also don't want you to think they are a player who is outgoing with all the ladies. Watch out for contradictions. If he's so shy, quiet, laid-back, etc. Why is he on at least one that you know of dating sites?
Because meeting people through a dating site is a lot easier than trying to walk up to a girl in some public place and talking to them.

It also provides the opportunity to meet people that I would never encounter in person.
Last edited by Gr8Guyn2008; June 15,2009 at 6:05am. Reason: add information
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 15,2009, 6:09am
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scarlet13 wrote :
OMG YES. *laughs

I don't get it. does laid back mean they smoke pot and tinker in the garage on weekends? or does it mean they just "roll with the punches"? if so, ask him to go to a bridal shower with you if he's so easy going.

now, the shy/quiet part is more serious to me. i talk for a living, and even the thought of going on a date with a guy i have to pull information out of is exhausting.
Never been to a bridal shower but have been to baby showers does that count. Hey a party is a party
 
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