Ladies, what if you made more and worked more than him?


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simpletonHeart70 is offline simpletonHeart70 Post #1  June 14,2009, 9:01am
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I thought I'd throw a twist to the "men, are you intimidated by successful women" posts.

There are a lot of women that want to be the stay-at-home mom and prefer men that make more.

So how many women would be disgusted with a man that was stay-at-home or made much less than you do?

I think the majority of men would be okay with the woman making less and :"taking care of them". But does it work both ways?

Recently its been the cause of divorces as men lose their jobs. Women don't respect men who make less than them.
 
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bekka74 is offline bekka74 Post #2  June 14,2009, 9:17am
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i work for the railroad and always made more then my ex-husband usually 2-3 times more. it really never bothered me that i made more and had to support him. my complaint was that while i was working i still had to come home clean, cook, grocery shop and disapline our daughter. my problem of course came from i was the only one supporting the relationship monetarily, emotionally and commitment wise. he would quit a good paying job just if he had a bad day because he knew i made more, and never gave it a second thought. when i date again i wouldnt care what he made as long as we got along and he understood i will not take care of a man again. this time around i want an equal partner. if im working outside the home then he can help in the home.
 
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brownize916 is offline brownize916 Post #3  June 14,2009, 9:29am
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I think this is the beginning of a generalization that women don't respect men who make less than them. The divorces that were after a man lost his job were probably not necessarily because their wives didnt respect them, but because of the stress caused by losing income and the couple not communicating.

During my marriage I was laid off once and my husband twice. I didn't see him as less of a man, nor did I lose respect for him. He was much more than a man with a job (the majority of our marriage I made more money than him as well). He was my husband. We were stressed having to rearrange finances, but we got through it. He also jumped right in looking for another job and other ways to bring income into our household. The important part was that we worked together and we had a plan to get through the layoff. I would guess that most divorces that result from job loss have nothing to do with the layoff but more to do with the way the couple communicates and reacts to such an event.

As a single woman now, I am more interested in a man who is responsible financially, career minded, and happy with his life, than I am about the amount he brings home.
 
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churumbeque is offline churumbeque Post #4  June 14,2009, 9:38am
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Typically women are ok with this situation it is the men who have a problem with it from my experience.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #5  June 14,2009, 9:44am
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Ideally, what I would want is a situation where we have the joint financial resources to live a comfortable life, including in retirement. If I make more or he makes more isn't very important. I usually make enough to support two people as it is, so some additional income at even a modest level would add more security and flexibility.

My respect for any man has nothing to do with his income, though. There are wealthy men I respect (although not for their wealth, per se), and there are men of modest means whom I respect.

I do hate housework, though, so any man who would shoulder most of the responsibilities there would certainly get my attention...lol.
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #6  June 14,2009, 9:48am
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simpletonHeart70 wrote :
I thought I'd throw a twist to the "men, are you intimidated by successful women" posts.

There are a lot of women that want to be the stay-at-home mom and prefer men that make more.

So how many women would be disgusted with a man that was stay-at-home or made much less than you do?

I think the majority of men would be okay with the woman making less and :"taking care of them". But does it work both ways?

Recently its been the cause of divorces as men lose their jobs. Women don't respect men who make less than them.
My respect for a man has little to do with how much money he makes - more to do with how he views the world and how he treats others.

I think it is hard for a lot of men to deal with a woman who makes more than them...but then again there are issues attached, such as the poster above whose husband not only didn't work but didn't contribute to the relationship. I've also seen women who were just as prone as any man I've ever known to not being gracious about being the main earner, i.e. holding their financial superiority over their partner.

And honestly, I don't really see the need for anyone to take care of someone else financially other than in the case of child-rearing and that should be negotiated between the two people well before the little one shows up. If I had wanted kids, and had been in a realtionship where I made enough to support us both, I think I would have been fine with a man who was okay staying home with the kids. But I'm well past the point of actually having to make that decision, so my opinion is purely speculation at this point.

As far as it being the cause of divorces...I'd have to dig deeper. Are there women who'll leave man who loses his job? Undoubtedly. I'd like to think I'm not one of them. However, if a man had been only a marginal contributor to the actual relatonship, if he then lost his job and for whatever reason didn't pursue another, that might make me think twice.

The bottom line for me is that if the relationship is healthy, if both people are putting the relationship and each other first in all (or most...) of their actions and decisions, if both have been honest and authentic about who they are and what they want, those breaks (divorce because of job loss) shouldn't happen. When they do, there's usually a cognitive dissonance that has been occurring for some time, like a woman I know who insists her intimate life with her husband is still vibrant after three decades, while he complains to me that it's dull and infrequent. They each tell me these things, but apparently they aren't talking to or hearing each other. Those are the kinds of underlying issues that I would think lead to break-ups more often than a simple case of temporary unemployment.
 
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pammersw is offline pammersw Post #7  June 14,2009, 9:53am
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I don't make enough to support a guy, too, so he at least has to be self-supporting! And that, pretty much by default, says he has to be making at least as much as I am.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #8  June 14,2009, 9:56am
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simpletonHeart70 wrote :
I thought I'd throw a twist to the "men, are you intimidated by successful women" posts.

There are a lot of women that want to be the stay-at-home mom and prefer men that make more.

So how many women would be disgusted with a man that was stay-at-home or made much less than you do?
Actually, I would like to have kids and if he wanted to stay at home to take care of them, that would be so cool! It would be difficult to find someone who made much less than me, but it's possible that my job has better benefits. As per the title of your thread...it is highly likely that I will work more than a partner (unless he is also a workaholic).

simpletonHeart70 wrote :
I think the majority of men would be okay with the woman making less and :"taking care of them". But does it work both ways?

Recently its been the cause of divorces as men lose their jobs. Women don't respect men who make less than them.

It's totally a generalization to say women and not some women. I think you've been around the boards long enough to know that by now.

Regardless, even saying some women don't respect men is not treating people as individuals with different experiences, opinions and circumstances.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #9  June 14,2009, 10:01am
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MelinCali wrote :
...it is highly likely that I will work more than a partner (unless he is also a workaholic).

Supposing he only has a "working problem"?

What, then?
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #10  June 14,2009, 10:36am
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6dle899 wrote :
Supposing he only has a "working problem"?

What, then?
Or he could be a "social worker."
 
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