Ever have a match that seems overbearing and controlling even before you meet?


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Mybella is offline Mybella Post #1  June 14,2009, 6:58am
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I am experieincing that now.

When we talk on the phone he wants to know EVERYTHING i am doing..and when i tell him i have plans to go out he's either surprised or wants to know where i am going and with whom!!! I've never even met him yet.

He knows i am on Eharmony obviously and that i have other matches i am in communication with...he asked twice already about that and i was honest and said yes, i have other matches i talk to.

I made the mistake of not talking to more than one at a time in the beginning--placing all my eggs in one basket and i always ended up with them disappearing after we had been in OC for days, sometimes weeks now i am talking to a few at once and it seems to really bother him.

This is also and expensive site so i want to maximize my matches before my subscription runs out (i am not renewing) so i have some of their phone numbers now.

This guy just comes across as needy, overbearing and controlling and it makes me uncomfortable so i have stopped taking his calls...he keeps calling though...i am just not picking up the phone anymore.

Anyone else have this happen before or after they met a match and what did you do?
 
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curtainlady is offline curtainlady Post #2  June 14,2009, 7:15am
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You already answered your own question - you stopped taking his calls. Now send him an email saying his overwhelming approach is not a good match for you, and wish him luck in his search.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  June 14,2009, 7:17am
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I have not experienced this though it certainly should not be too rare that you would find people that would more or less like this.

I am glad to see that you are pursuing all of your interesting matches and being proactive. It should be assumed by you and your matches that you each have other matches that you are communicating and dating. Until you have discussed being exclusive and have BOTH decided that is what you want to do then you should be communicating and dating others.

I do think that you should tell this guy that you just don't think it would work with him. That would be the courteous thing to do. If he does not get the hint and continues to call then you can ignore his calls.
 
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all_seasons is offline all_seasons Post #4  June 14,2009, 7:21am
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Close!
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #5  June 14,2009, 8:03am
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I think you are right in not taking his calls. You have every right to set boundaries on your personal freedom. You may also have to have his number blocked by the phone company or your answering machine may be able to reject his number, if he keeps trying to reach you. But hopefully, you HAVE told him you are not interested. If you haven't, you might want to take one of his calls or write to him through eHarmony and tell him clearly and bluntly that you don't want to date him at all. Then tell him you want to be very clear in that he is not to contact you again for any reason. Cut off all communication with him immediately after that. If a guy tried even once to reach me after that, I would think he's stalking/harrassing and would get customer service of my communication companies (phone/inet/eharmony) and police to tell me what else I could do.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #6  June 14,2009, 8:44am
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The man I was about to meet for a LDR needed to know my every move as we got closer to meeting. That was one of the red flags for me. My ex husband had to know every last thing I did all day long every day. He was very controlling.

After I sent him an email saying I no longer wanted to communicate, he left several more voicemails. The change in demeanor was interesting because he was back to almost begging me for my time after having berated and belittled me. Very classic stuff! I wish I were better at seeing that type of behavior more quickly. If you have any ideas about how to do that...PLEASE let me know.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #7  June 14,2009, 9:54am
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Mybella wrote :
When we talk on the phone he wants to know EVERYTHING i am doing..and when i tell him i have plans to go out he's either surprised or wants to know where i am going and with whom!!! I've never even met him yet.

Il nous faut de l'audace, encore de l'audace, toujours de l'audace!
 
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littlebluemonkeymind is offline littlebluemonkeymind Post #8  June 14,2009, 10:53am
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6dle899 wrote :
Il nous faut de l'audace, encore de l'audace, toujours de l'audace!
Well, there's audacious and then there's obnoxious.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  June 14,2009, 11:06am

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verylibra wrote :
The man I was about to meet for a LDR needed to know my every move as we got closer to meeting. That was one of the red flags for me. My ex husband had to know every last thing I did all day long every day. He was very controlling.

After I sent him an email saying I no longer wanted to communicate, he left several more voicemails. The change in demeanor was interesting because he was back to almost begging me for my time after having berated and belittled me. Very classic stuff! I wish I were better at seeing that type of behavior more quickly. If you have any ideas about how to do that...PLEASE let me know.
read "The Gift of Fear"
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #10  June 14,2009, 12:29pm
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happily in love!!!

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scarlet13 wrote :
read "The Gift of Fear"
OK...OK...OK...I'm going online right now to buy it!!! LOL!!!

Thanks Scarlet with the heart of gold!
 
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