verylibra is offline verylibra Post #1  June 14,2009, 6:52am
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I'm all about blue skies, sunshine and silver linings. I match up best with others who feel the same way. How do I go about using eH to search for someone who has the same sort of optimism?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  June 14,2009, 7:26am
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Put it in your profile and emphasize its importance to you. When you meet your matches, don't let their looks, smooth lines, financial stature and flashy smile blind you if they in fact don't share your optimism about life. I'm not at all saying that's what you're doing, just emphasizing the importance of not settling for less than what you find to be truly important.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  June 14,2009, 8:20am
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I'm crippled by the fear That I've fallen too far to love

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tbesq wrote :
Put it in your profile and emphasize its importance to you. When you meet your matches, don't let their looks, smooth lines, financial stature and flashy smile blind you if they in fact don't share your optimism about life. I'm not at all saying that's what you're doing, just emphasizing the importance of not settling for less than what you find to be truly important.
With eHarmony what is in your profile has little or nothing to do with who you are matched with. The people that you are matched with come through how you have answered the Questionnaire.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 14,2009, 8:30am
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With eHarmony you are matched to people who are determined to be compatible to your personality and values based on how you have each answered the Questionnaire.

Your optimism is going to be a personality trait that would have been measured by your answers to the Questionnaire. If you did not take the time to carefully consider each question in the Questionnaire then your optimistic attitude may not have been fully revealed and you may be getting matches that don't share your optimism.

If you feel that your matches are in general compatible to you then you can delve into their level of optimism through various questions and the MHCS in Guided Communication and then as a topic of discussion in Open Communication.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #5  June 14,2009, 9:30am
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Gr8Guyn2008 wrote :
With eHarmony you are matched to people who are determined to be compatible to your personality and values based on how you have each answered the Questionnaire.

Your optimism is going to be a personality trait that would have been measured by your answers to the Questionnaire. If you did not take the time to carefully consider each question in the Questionnaire then your optimistic attitude may not have been fully revealed and you may be getting matches that don't share your optimism.

If you feel that your matches are in general compatible to you then you can delve into their level of optimism through various questions and the MHCS in Guided Communication and then as a topic of discussion in Open Communication.
I do seem to get matches who are optimistic. Maybe I asked the question the wrong way? I'm very honest, loyal and trustworthy. How do I find out if my matches have those same qualities?
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #6  June 14,2009, 9:34am
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tbesq wrote :
Put it in your profile and emphasize its importance to you. When you meet your matches, don't let their looks, smooth lines, financial stature and flashy smile blind you if they in fact don't share your optimism about life. I'm not at all saying that's what you're doing, just emphasizing the importance of not settling for less than what you find to be truly important.
Ah...it's that flashy smile and those smooth lines that get me every time...LOL! I've met some wonderful people on eH. Just haven't found the right one yet.

How do I detect if a man is what he presents to me? I really fell for "I treat women the way I would want my daughter to be treated." If that's the way this man wants his daughter to be treated...wow...I feel so badly for her!

So how to I figure out if they're really men of character or not?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #7  June 14,2009, 10:07am
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The only way you'll know if he's genuine is to meet him. E-mail communication and phone conversation can give you a general idea of what you can expect, but a face-to-face will reveal more. Even then, you're not going to really get to understand someone's outlook on life until you've had the opportunity to see how they handle some of life's setbacks. It's easy for one to say they're optimistic when things are going well.

eHarmony can't really help you ensure that these people are who they say they are. Indeed, you are generally matched with people based on how they answered their questionnaire. However, I found during my membership that many women did state in their profile that they tended to be optimistic and look for silver linings, as you've stated. If a man knows he's not an optimistic person and sees this in your profile, then he shouldn't try to convince you during GC/OC he also shares that mindset if it's not the case.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #8  June 14,2009, 10:07pm
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verylibra wrote :
Ah...it's that flashy smile and those smooth lines that get me every time...LOL! I've met some wonderful people on eH. Just haven't found the right one yet.

How do I detect if a man is what he presents to me? I really fell for "I treat women the way I would want my daughter to be treated." If that's the way this man wants his daughter to be treated...wow...I feel so badly for her!

So how to I figure out if they're really men of character or not?
An optimist is actually a better match with a realist (by no means am I saying pessimist here). Two eternal optimists can sometimes get carried away into the clouds nice to have someone who can bring you down gently sometimes

But seriously, EH and all other sites, are really only an introduction service. EH may give you better odds by matching on 29 dimensions, but sometimes people do not provide honest answers when filling out the questionaire, or may misread some questions. And some people are sooo optimistic that they practice wishful thinking when writing their profile . Nothing can really replace getting to know someone in everyday life and seeing them in action. We can only remain optimistic and hope for the best
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 14,2009 at 10:22pm.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #9  June 15,2009, 4:04am
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
An optimist is actually a better match with a realist (by no means am I saying pessimist here). Two eternal optimists can sometimes get carried away into the clouds nice to have someone who can bring you down gently sometimes

But seriously, EH and all other sites, are really only an introduction service. EH may give you better odds by matching on 29 dimensions, but sometimes people do not provide honest answers when filling out the questionaire, or may misread some questions. And some people are sooo optimistic that they practice wishful thinking when writing their profile . Nothing can really replace getting to know someone in everyday life and seeing them in action. We can only remain optimistic and hope for the best
Yep! A realist might be the thing...LOL! I used to call my ex husband a tether that kept me firmly associated with earth while I just bounced all around the place. I have this enthusiasm that can get me into all kinds of trouble if I'm not thinking correctly.

I could really use another tether of some sort, just not quite the one I had.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #10  June 15,2009, 5:22am
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It's hard to tell an emotionally driven person to not get so attached to words and profiles. You can only see who the man really is when you meet him in person and spend quite a bit of time with him.

Also, personally I'm wary or any man who says that he is nice or treats women well in his profile. This usually means that he is quite the opposite of what he says. Genuinely nice people aren't that conscious about what they do. They do nice things just because it comes naturally to them and is not a conscious effort. So they are not likely to put in their profile that they will treat you well - it's a given.
 
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