GreatGuy38 is offline GreatGuy38 Post #1  June 12,2009, 6:34pm

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I’ve returned to the dating scene after a prolonged absence. Several years ago, I was in a climbing accident, where I fell forty feet. The energy of impact transferred up my spine causing an incomplete compression fracture of my spinal cord at L2. I was flown by helicopter to a level-one trauma center where I underwent an eight hour surgery. I remained in the ICU for an additional three days. Three weeks later, after extensive in-patient physical therapy, I was discharged from the hospital. Afterward, I was on medical absence from work for three additional months and in physical therapy continued for an additional six. My recovery has been close to miraculous with one exception, my pluming was damaged, and I have to intermittently catheterize. As for the sexual function “it” works, but is not the same, and that worries me. Since the accident, I have not been intimate with anyone, rarely dated, and when I have the relationship it never lasted more than month or so. This time of abstinence and recovery hasn’t gone to waste, since then I’ve completed graduate school, traveled internationally, become a better son to my parents, become a better friend, and have learned many lessons about genuine compassion and patience. I feel as if I have emerged from a period of turmoil and ready to be in a relationship but am uncertain how to address the topic. fficeffice" />

Any thoughts, thread brothers and sisters?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #2  June 12,2009, 6:56pm

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(thinking...)

Wow, to go through all that and to get everything back but that! That must have been really tough for ya'.

Your post really moved me for a couple of reasons. Obviously, because of the experience you have been through but also because of the way you relayed it. My advice is - just be the guy that wrote this post. Trust your instincts on when to bring it up. I think you will do fine.

And really in the scheme of things - if you had to lose an appendage - hey, I would chose that over a leg or an arm (or your life!). As for the actual bedroom stuff - hey, who said it had to be in the bedroom? I don't think I am the only women out there that would not mind enjoying a man that was creative in the bedroom.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #3  June 12,2009, 7:06pm
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It is really great reading a story like yours. I know some of my patients were as lucky while others were not. Keep up the good work.

As for the sexual function, when the time comes explain to the girl that you can function but unfortunately you have not had the opportunity as of yet. This bit of info just may put them in the frame of mind of a true challenge. Good luck
 
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GreatGuy38 is offline GreatGuy38 Post #4  June 12,2009, 7:14pm

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I really appreciate your thoughts. If you have a moment please check out my most recent dating tread titled: “e-Harmony Blues Missing Chemistry.”
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #5  June 12,2009, 7:28pm
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Great to hear you're still with us. Forty foot fall, wow! Yours is a story of inspiration and overcoming difficulties. Now for that last one...

When you finally allow yourself to get close to a woman and become intimate she'll (hopefully) know your history and your saga. Be honest with her about your apprehensions. Don't be negative about it. It can be a learning experience for both of you, plus the experience can be something that you can both uniquely share. Firsts are something that intrigue and excite people. As with anything, just be honest about it.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #6  June 12,2009, 7:28pm
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First of all, focus on what you can do, not on whatever might not be the same as it was before. You might want to take a look at this thread if you didn't see it when it was active. Although his problem is different than yours, some of the concerns and apprehensions are similar: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...nt-helped.html (What to do when Erectile Dysfunction can't be helped?)

It sounds like perhaps you weren't ready to move forward for some time after the accident (making sure that relationships didn't last long enough for intimacy to become an issue), but that now you are. Honestly, you sound like a pretty amazing guy with quite a story to tell and I can't imagine that there are not plenty of women out there who will appreciate you on many different levels....
 
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GreatGuy38 is offline GreatGuy38 Post #7  June 12,2009, 7:40pm

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Thank you Blackadder and Neardc for sharing. I'm really touched by your thoughts. This is the first time I have ever discussed this topic with anyone.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #8  June 12,2009, 8:30pm
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neardc wrote :
First of all, focus on what you can do, not on whatever might not be the same as it was before. You might want to take a look at this thread if you didn't see it when it was active. Although his problem is different than yours, some of the concerns and apprehensions are similar: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/da...nt-helped.html (What to do when Erectile Dysfunction can't be helped?)

It sounds like perhaps you weren't ready to move forward for some time after the accident (making sure that relationships didn't last long enough for intimacy to become an issue), but that now you are. Honestly, you sound like a pretty amazing guy with quite a story to tell and I can't imagine that there are not plenty of women out there who will appreciate you on many different levels....
I agree. You sound like a fantastic guy! Be yourself, and be honest.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
 
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GreatGuy38 is offline GreatGuy38 Post #9  June 12,2009, 9:03pm

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When_I_See_You_Smile wrote :
I agree. You sound like a fantastic guy! Be yourself, and be honest.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
I definatel enjoy hearing you elaborate on you thought
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #10  June 12,2009, 9:55pm
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When_I_See_You_Smile wrote :
I agree. You sound like a fantastic guy! Be yourself, and be honest.

Best of luck to you!

WISYS
GreatGuy38 wrote :
I definatel enjoy hearing you elaborate on you thought
Okay, I will elaborate further.

For me, your situation would not be a turnoff. The fact that you have accomplished so much, in the face of adversity, tells me just about everything I would need to know (i.e., you're determined, full of life, passionate, strong, kind, etc...). In other words, I think it would be instinctual for you to work just as hard, and to care as much about, your intimate relationships, as you do everything else in your life.

So, if I were your partner, I would appreciate you sharing factual information about your condition, as well as your apprehension about being intimate. It's kind of like telling someone that you're a little bit nervous about meeting for the first time. In the end, a true statement about the way you feel, will let your partner know that you really care about her, and about the outcome of any intimate experience with her.

I don't think you need to bring this up, with new matches, right away. It's more important to wait until you think you've found someone you're compatible with, and are considering becoming exclusive with. You should definitely be honest though, when the time comes.

The right woman for you, is going to understand. She will be more than willing to explore an intimate relationship with you, because she cares about you. Yes, you will probably need to take it slow, but hey, that's half the fun anyway!

Best of luck!

WISYS
Last edited by When_I_See_You_Smile; June 12,2009 at 9:57pm.
 
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