My date with Mr Mall was just canceled


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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #1  June 12,2009, 11:29am
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Last edited by christianlife; June 19,2009 at 3:40pm. Reason: Sorry.Im deleting all my posts because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  June 12,2009, 11:33am
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What I like to see, in situations where things get canceled (be it by telephone, e-mail, text) is the canceler voluntarily wishing to reschedule, without me having to ask. If they do that, I at least think they're still interested. If they don't do that it doesn't necessarily mean they're not interested, but the uncertainty is there.
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #3  June 12,2009, 1:34pm

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wow, coz he had to cancel a date for a legit purpose... you're already screwing around behind his back?
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #4  June 12,2009, 1:37pm
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txbubba wrote :
wow, coz he had to cancel a date for a legit purpose... you're already screwing around behind his back?
Actually, she previously stated she had two dates lined up for the weekend -- this was before the guy canceled. That's the benefit of dating several people simultaneously with online dating...no need to be kept in a holding pattern while waiting on one person to make up their mind.
 
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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #5  June 12,2009, 1:58pm
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txbubba wrote :
wow, coz he had to cancel a date for a legit purpose... you're already screwing around behind his back?
I am not, nor have I ever "screwed around." This was my third date with this guy and I do really like him but we are not exclusive;we've only had two dates.
 
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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #6  June 12,2009, 1:59pm
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tbesq wrote :
Actually, she previously stated she had two dates lined up for the weekend -- this was before the guy canceled. That's the benefit of dating several people simultaneously with online dating...no need to be kept in a holding pattern while waiting on one person to make up their mind.
Thank you for sticking up for me
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #7  June 12,2009, 2:48pm

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You do not not have to accommodate any one's request that creates a discomfort for you. I can assure that he had the loan paper work within an arm's reach.

Sometimes guys will test you to see how far that they can push you. You failed, because you did not act like your own best friend and stick up for yourself. Don't let people take advantage of you because your a good natured person.

The Solution was: "Would you kill me if I canceled on our going out today" ? YES! it then becomes a trust issue.
(I went to a lot of trouble to arrange the evening for myself.) You could get your paperwork before our date or on Sunday! He gave you a choice and you made the wrong choice.


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Last edited by Harvey7; June 12,2009 at 2:50pm.
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  June 12,2009, 3:48pm
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Harvey7 wrote :
You do not not have to accommodate any one's request that creates a discomfort for you. I can assure that he had the loan paper work within an arm's reach.

Sometimes guys will test you to see how far that they can push you. You failed, because you did not act like your own best friend and stick up for yourself. Don't let people take advantage of you because your a good natured person.

The Solution was: "Would you kill me if I canceled on our going out today" ? YES! it then becomes a trust issue.
(I went to a lot of trouble to arrange the evening for myself.) You could get your paperwork before our date or on Sunday! He gave you a choice and you made the wrong choice.


Harvey7
Out of curiosity, Harvey, do you give similar tests to your dates?

Any of the other men here do this?
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  June 12,2009, 4:34pm

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Harvey7 wrote :
You do not not have to accommodate any one's request that creates a discomfort for you. I can assure that he had the loan paper work within an arm's reach.

Sometimes guys will test you to see how far that they can push you. You failed, because you did not act like your own best friend and stick up for yourself. Don't let people take advantage of you because your a good natured person.

The Solution was: "Would you kill me if I canceled on our going out today" ? YES! it then becomes a trust issue.
(I went to a lot of trouble to arrange the evening for myself.) You could get your paperwork before our date or on Sunday! He gave you a choice and you made the wrong choice.


Harvey7
If (and I highly doubt it was)this was a test then she passed it perfectly. Who would want to be with someone that had to test people like that? Seems pretty childish to me.

For christianlife, I know you are a little disappointed but I would cut the guy some slack. I imagine getting the loan is a big deal to him (it will probably be the biggest purchase of his lifetime) so I can see being anxious and wanting to make sure he has everything that he needs.

Plus, you still call him MallGuy so you are still at the very beginning stages of dating since he has not yet graduated to his given name. (Teasing you on that - I do the same thing - or I should say my friend names my dates for for me - I had cheese guy, Armani guy, Science guy, etc.)
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #10  June 12,2009, 4:38pm
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I think my first reaction would be to accept his reason for postponing. Trying to get a mortgage can be very stressful and he might be way too distracted to properly give you the attention you deserve. But that would be the kind of thing I'd be cautious about in the future. When talking again to him, I would probably ask a couple of questions about just why he had to look for the stuff Friday night or whether he anticipated having trouble locating/gathering the necessary financial documents. If his answer sounded lame, I'd be canceling on our future dating. But if the weekend and the early days next week looked like he was legitimately tied up in jumping through hoops to get his mortgage, I'd relax and give him the time. It is a case by case situation. Does he need support or a wave goodbye this early in dating?
 
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