Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
Harvey7's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 1,027

See profile

sabete2002 wrote :
That's an assumption. He may be lying, he may not. Christianlife reacted in a very understanding manner which, if he were testing her (do people really do that?!) shows her in a much better light than the reaction you suggested. Besides, this is a one time thing. What's wrong with giving someone the benefit of the doubt? If they show a pattern of behaviour then you can call them on it.
Dear Sabete,
Would you accept a cancellation of a date by a text msg.? Why didn't he call her on the phone as a sign of his esteem for her? My late mother used to say, if he walks like a duck and he quacks like a duck it must be a ----. If he was going to apply for a mortgage all the paperwork is in arms reach so he can fax it or e mail it. He did not act like a gentleman nor did he treat her with a great deal of respect. Quack,Quack!

Harvey7
- June 13th, 2009, 08:47 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#21   Reply With Quote
sabete2002 sabete2002 is offline
sabete2002's Avatar

sabete2002 I was modded???!!!!

Veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 2,191

See profile

Harvey7 wrote :
Dear Sabete,
Would you accept a cancellation of a date by a text msg.? Why didn't he call her on the phone as a sign of his esteem for her? My late mother used to say, if he walks like a duck and he quacks like a duck it must be a ----. If he was going to apply for a mortgage all the paperwork is in arms reach so he can fax it or e mail it. He did not act like a gentleman nor did he treat her with a great deal of respect. Quack,Quack!

Harvey7
Texting isn't the greatest way to deal with it but these days people do use it a lot to communicate. We clearly have different ways of seeing the same situation. I've always been one to give the benefit of the doubt. If they repeat a certain type of behaviour then I'll call them out on it. It's the way I do things. Your mileage clearly varies and that's fine. We all do whatever works for us - no right or wrong here.
- June 13th, 2009, 09:35 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#22   Reply With Quote
sabete2002 sabete2002 is offline
sabete2002's Avatar

sabete2002 I was modded???!!!!

Veteran

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 2,191

See profile

EEng wrote :
I don't get that. I'll never understand how anyone can date more than one person at the same time. It seems insincere to me. You don't "hedge your bets" in dating. If one person doesn't work out THEN go on to the next person, but not before. I wouldn't want to date anyone that was seeing someone else at the same time. Me, I'm a one woman man because I'm incapable of cheating on someone I either care about or that I'm trying to establish a relationship with and isn't that what most women say they want? I mean, how would you react if you saw the man you were dating, out with someone else? If this is a sign of modern times where its okay to have multiple partners then you're on EH for the wrong reasons IMO.
To each his own but many people, at the initial stages of dating/getting to know you, date more than one person. At some point, they have more interest in one person than the others so progress to an exclusive relationship with that person. As long as everyone involved is aware of this and people are treated with honesty and respect, I wouldn't call it cheating.
- June 13th, 2009, 11:09 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#23   Reply With Quote
Harvey7 Harvey7 is offline
Harvey7's Avatar

Veteran

Join Date: Mar 2009

Posts: 1,027

See profile

weestromrider wrote :
Sorry Harvey, but having just refi'd you have no idea what you're talking about. Paperwork has gotten worse since the meltdown even for preapproval. Hint: the secondary market for reselling mortgages is gone, so the BANKS actually have to take on the risk of the loan, plus fund it. The GOOD thing is that mortgage lending is returning to some semblance of sanity and we aren't selling Joe Crack Dealer a multi-million dollar mansion that he can't afford the first interest only payment on.
I did not see the words refi'd or refinanced anywhere except in your post! It was a loan for a new mortgage and 30% down plus the Pro Forma and the tax return is enough to get a yes or a no on the pre -approval. Apples to apples and oranges to oranges we are talking about an originated new loan verses a refinanced mortgage?

Harvey7
- June 13th, 2009, 12:19 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#24   Reply With Quote
neardc neardc is offline
neardc's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 5,044

See profile

Seriously, folks; we have absolultely no idea what this person's financial situation is or how and where he keeps his records, so there is no real point in speculating (aside from the fact that it's none of our business...lol). We do not know his credit score, what size loan he is seeking, or how much cash he has for a down payment. The fact is that people's financial circumstances vary (e.g., if you are self-employed you have to come up with more records than if you have traditional employment), and people have all different kinds of ways of keeping their records (maybe he already put his records from last year in storage; if someone uses an accountant they may not have any electronic tax records, etc.).

(But yes, lenders are pickier these days about lending and it has become more difficult to qualify for a good mortgage, even for those with good credit, and that can mean needing to come up with more paperwork.)
- June 13th, 2009, 01:37 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#25   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

cp30 cp30 is offline
cp30's Avatar

cp30 is making big plans...

Power Poster

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 5,353

See profile

I just prequalified...wasn't difficult, but it was incredibly stressful once I decided what I wanted, and trying to figure things out to actually qualify (certain job prospect would have to fall through, lots of documentation, etc.) The entire process is stressful since you really don't know for sure what is going to happen and prequalifying IS easy (mine was) but the stuff you have to get in order after that is quite daunting (which is probably what he meant...who knows). And yah, trying to dig out my tax documents SS card (I keep putting it in a "safe" place) etc etc....trying to predict the future becomes extremely exhausting. Especially when you are a contractor like me and your employers are bidding you out on projects that may or may not fall through (mine fell through...) and I'm back to square one. Have to find a different house, different location, different price....or find a new job all together.

I actually put in my match.com profile that while this was happening, my life was a bit "up in the air" at the moment and that they had been warned! My circumstances changed about 20 times in 2 weeks. It was horrible....life in limbo is not fun and not a good time to be dating. I at least felt the need to be upfront about my current state. They had the choice to contact me or not!

I'm glad I was honest. One guy said it was cool, and several others probably understand why I disappeared from time to time.

As for the date. Who knows. Sounded honest to me. I don't know why people are so quick to judge and right people off in the early stages. It's not like he smacked a kitten. He cancelled a date by text and apologized nicely. I'd be cool about it and hope he calls again. I just wouldn't force the issue.

It's not a big deal. Just be prepared....house shopping and loan stuff may become his first priority. And he may go crazy.
- June 13th, 2009, 11:04 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#26   Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,848

See profile

cp30 wrote :
As for the date. Who knows. Sounded honest to me. I don't know why people are so quick to judge and right people off in the early stages. It's not like he smacked a kitten. He cancelled a date by text and apologized nicely. I'd be cool about it and hope he calls again. I just wouldn't force the issue.
I completely agree with cp30, neardc, and everyone else who said that the guy deserves a chance. He has not done anything wrong, and it's not that often that you meet people that you like. After reading this post, as well as all your other posts, I see no reason to assume the worst, unless you catch him lying. Yes, there is a possibility that he lost interest, time will tell.

cp30, sorry to hear about your problems, hope it all works out for you.
- June 13th, 2009, 11:38 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#27   Reply With Quote
Briolette Briolette is offline
Briolette's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 14

See profile

christianlife wrote :
O.k. I'll call the guy Mr Mall from now on since MMCFBG is hard to keep writing.Anyways,Mr Mall has been thinking about buying a house and last night he told me he was going to get a phone call today from someone to talk about preapproval and then he would call me to confirm times to meet with me and such.I just got a text from him saying "Would you kill me if I canceled on our going out today? I hate it when people do that to me.But I need to go to my storage unit to dig out paperwork for the preapproval.I really want to get this done right away.I have a face to face meeting with him on Monday."I texted him back saying that no I wouldn't kill him and that I understood and then I said do what you need to do.He texted me back "Thank you so much for understanding" I texted him back "That's me

Of course I'm disappointed,I was looking forward to our third date but I do understand.Now I have no date tonight :-( Oh well,I have a date with somebody new tomorrow.
Then why did not you tell him about that? You pretended that nothing happened and you are OK. But in fact, you do not...

I don't think it was a test as Harvey7 presumed.

But I agree with Harvey7: when someone cancell the date you was looking forward to, you should let him know that you are not happy about this fact.

When you let him know that everything is OK, especially in case if the real reason of cancellation the date was different from the one he mentioned about, that guy, having your "undestanding" reaction in first case will probably think that you will be able to understand him for the second and third times.

I would not like to be taken in the wrong way here: there is nothing wrong in mutual understanding, moreover, to my mind this is an integral part of successful relationship between men and women.

All I want to say: to my mind , you should gave him your real reaction instead of pretending that nothing happened.
- June 14th, 2009, 04:59 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#28   Reply With Quote
robv_la robv_la is offline
robv_la's Avatar

robv_la You are so hot, it makes this summer seem cool.

Enthusiast

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 833

See profile

I think she handled it well. He might be telling the truth. He didn't just do a no show, he contacted her and apologized.

Yes, a phone call instead of a text message would have been more appropriate. However, if he's being honest, then that nicety could have eluded him due to his preoccupation with getting the paperwork.

Nobody's perfect so I say allow him this misstep and see where it goes. Of course if this becomes a pattern then you do need to let him know he can't keep cancelling on you.
- June 15th, 2009, 08:35 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#29   Reply With Quote
timeless2 timeless2 is offline
timeless2's Avatar

timeless2 wants to know which hat to wear next?

Virtuoso

Join Date: Dec 2008

Posts: 3,359

See profile

So how was the date?
- June 15th, 2009, 11:24 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#30   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 3 of 4 1 2 3 4

Bookmarks

« Why Guys Don't Call... | Array | Monday, June 15th date roundup! »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My date yesterday-Not exactly the best! christianlife Dating 40 October 26th, 2009 08:31 pm
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 147 October 9th, 2009 12:20 am
After the First Date...How much should I pursue? kayla4brains Dating 27 August 25th, 2009 09:47 pm
Date You Knew Wouldn't Go Well - UPDATE blrdancer Dating 7 June 5th, 2009 12:21 pm
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18th, 2009 10:50 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“ Although I don't doubt there are men that can be attracted that would not "poof" because of your behavior I would have to say that the fact they don't "poof" is the most damaging evidence of their ... ” – Can_I_just_be_Jo

Join the “Need some advice please...” discussion

“ He knows the abuse wasn't sexual, and he knows I am not gay or bisexual.” – charity8987

Join the “Argh, screwed up with new guy.” discussion

“my dream color is medium red brown with auburn tones” – jtwark

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“all, or most of my matches lately have been people that never reply to the first step of communication or their profile says to contact them on facebook. it seems to me that these profiles are people ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “matches dont respond/their profile says contact them on face book” discussion

“sounds like things are going great! i'd suggest that you just keep doing whatever it is you are doing. and don't sweat the little things.” – notyet

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“"Billed in one installment of $239.40" means, "Billed once for $239.40." Pardon me for saying this, but if I had less than $40 in my bank account, buying an eHarmony subscription will be the least ... ” – Coca-Cola

Join the “eHarmony payment plans” discussion

“ Call them!” – Coca-Cola

Join the “FCW - Interesting Problem” discussion

“It appears the OP hasn't participated in EhA since she login and posed her question initially. We all come to these advise boards with so many different backgrounds...in fact I wrote another post on ... ” – RoxyRedhead

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:57 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0