My date with Mr Mall was just canceled


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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #21  June 13,2009, 7:47am

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sabete2002 wrote :
That's an assumption. He may be lying, he may not. Christianlife reacted in a very understanding manner which, if he were testing her (do people really do that?!) shows her in a much better light than the reaction you suggested. Besides, this is a one time thing. What's wrong with giving someone the benefit of the doubt? If they show a pattern of behaviour then you can call them on it.
Dear Sabete,
Would you accept a cancellation of a date by a text msg.? Why didn't he call her on the phone as a sign of his esteem for her? My late mother used to say, if he walks like a duck and he quacks like a duck it must be a ----. If he was going to apply for a mortgage all the paperwork is in arms reach so he can fax it or e mail it. He did not act like a gentleman nor did he treat her with a great deal of respect. Quack,Quack!

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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #22  June 13,2009, 8:35am
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Harvey7 wrote :
Dear Sabete,
Would you accept a cancellation of a date by a text msg.? Why didn't he call her on the phone as a sign of his esteem for her? My late mother used to say, if he walks like a duck and he quacks like a duck it must be a ----. If he was going to apply for a mortgage all the paperwork is in arms reach so he can fax it or e mail it. He did not act like a gentleman nor did he treat her with a great deal of respect. Quack,Quack!

Harvey7
Texting isn't the greatest way to deal with it but these days people do use it a lot to communicate. We clearly have different ways of seeing the same situation. I've always been one to give the benefit of the doubt. If they repeat a certain type of behaviour then I'll call them out on it. It's the way I do things. Your mileage clearly varies and that's fine. We all do whatever works for us - no right or wrong here.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #23  June 13,2009, 10:09am
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EEng wrote :
I don't get that. I'll never understand how anyone can date more than one person at the same time. It seems insincere to me. You don't "hedge your bets" in dating. If one person doesn't work out THEN go on to the next person, but not before. I wouldn't want to date anyone that was seeing someone else at the same time. Me, I'm a one woman man because I'm incapable of cheating on someone I either care about or that I'm trying to establish a relationship with and isn't that what most women say they want? I mean, how would you react if you saw the man you were dating, out with someone else? If this is a sign of modern times where its okay to have multiple partners then you're on EH for the wrong reasons IMO.
To each his own but many people, at the initial stages of dating/getting to know you, date more than one person. At some point, they have more interest in one person than the others so progress to an exclusive relationship with that person. As long as everyone involved is aware of this and people are treated with honesty and respect, I wouldn't call it cheating.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #24  June 13,2009, 11:19am

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weestromrider wrote :
Sorry Harvey, but having just refi'd you have no idea what you're talking about. Paperwork has gotten worse since the meltdown even for preapproval. Hint: the secondary market for reselling mortgages is gone, so the BANKS actually have to take on the risk of the loan, plus fund it. The GOOD thing is that mortgage lending is returning to some semblance of sanity and we aren't selling Joe Crack Dealer a multi-million dollar mansion that he can't afford the first interest only payment on.
I did not see the words refi'd or refinanced anywhere except in your post! It was a loan for a new mortgage and 30% down plus the Pro Forma and the tax return is enough to get a yes or a no on the pre -approval. Apples to apples and oranges to oranges we are talking about an originated new loan verses a refinanced mortgage?

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neardc is offline neardc Post #25  June 13,2009, 12:37pm
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Seriously, folks; we have absolultely no idea what this person's financial situation is or how and where he keeps his records, so there is no real point in speculating (aside from the fact that it's none of our business...lol). We do not know his credit score, what size loan he is seeking, or how much cash he has for a down payment. The fact is that people's financial circumstances vary (e.g., if you are self-employed you have to come up with more records than if you have traditional employment), and people have all different kinds of ways of keeping their records (maybe he already put his records from last year in storage; if someone uses an accountant they may not have any electronic tax records, etc.).

(But yes, lenders are pickier these days about lending and it has become more difficult to qualify for a good mortgage, even for those with good credit, and that can mean needing to come up with more paperwork.)
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #26  June 13,2009, 10:04pm

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I just prequalified...wasn't difficult, but it was incredibly stressful once I decided what I wanted, and trying to figure things out to actually qualify (certain job prospect would have to fall through, lots of documentation, etc.) The entire process is stressful since you really don't know for sure what is going to happen and prequalifying IS easy (mine was) but the stuff you have to get in order after that is quite daunting (which is probably what he meant...who knows). And yah, trying to dig out my tax documents SS card (I keep putting it in a "safe" place) etc etc....trying to predict the future becomes extremely exhausting. Especially when you are a contractor like me and your employers are bidding you out on projects that may or may not fall through (mine fell through...) and I'm back to square one. Have to find a different house, different location, different price....or find a new job all together.

I actually put in my match.com profile that while this was happening, my life was a bit "up in the air" at the moment and that they had been warned! My circumstances changed about 20 times in 2 weeks. It was horrible....life in limbo is not fun and not a good time to be dating. I at least felt the need to be upfront about my current state. They had the choice to contact me or not!

I'm glad I was honest. One guy said it was cool, and several others probably understand why I disappeared from time to time.

As for the date. Who knows. Sounded honest to me. I don't know why people are so quick to judge and right people off in the early stages. It's not like he smacked a kitten. He cancelled a date by text and apologized nicely. I'd be cool about it and hope he calls again. I just wouldn't force the issue.

It's not a big deal. Just be prepared....house shopping and loan stuff may become his first priority. And he may go crazy.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #27  June 13,2009, 10:38pm
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cp30 wrote :
As for the date. Who knows. Sounded honest to me. I don't know why people are so quick to judge and right people off in the early stages. It's not like he smacked a kitten. He cancelled a date by text and apologized nicely. I'd be cool about it and hope he calls again. I just wouldn't force the issue.
I completely agree with cp30, neardc, and everyone else who said that the guy deserves a chance. He has not done anything wrong, and it's not that often that you meet people that you like. After reading this post, as well as all your other posts, I see no reason to assume the worst, unless you catch him lying. Yes, there is a possibility that he lost interest, time will tell.

cp30, sorry to hear about your problems, hope it all works out for you.
 
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Briolette is offline Briolette Post #28  June 14,2009, 3:59am
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christianlife wrote :
O.k. I'll call the guy Mr Mall from now on since MMCFBG is hard to keep writing.Anyways,Mr Mall has been thinking about buying a house and last night he told me he was going to get a phone call today from someone to talk about preapproval and then he would call me to confirm times to meet with me and such.I just got a text from him saying "Would you kill me if I canceled on our going out today? I hate it when people do that to me.But I need to go to my storage unit to dig out paperwork for the preapproval.I really want to get this done right away.I have a face to face meeting with him on Monday."I texted him back saying that no I wouldn't kill him and that I understood and then I said do what you need to do.He texted me back "Thank you so much for understanding" I texted him back "That's me

Of course I'm disappointed,I was looking forward to our third date but I do understand.Now I have no date tonight :-( Oh well,I have a date with somebody new tomorrow.
Then why did not you tell him about that? You pretended that nothing happened and you are OK. But in fact, you do not...

I don't think it was a test as Harvey7 presumed.

But I agree with Harvey7: when someone cancell the date you was looking forward to, you should let him know that you are not happy about this fact.

When you let him know that everything is OK, especially in case if the real reason of cancellation the date was different from the one he mentioned about, that guy, having your "undestanding" reaction in first case will probably think that you will be able to understand him for the second and third times.

I would not like to be taken in the wrong way here: there is nothing wrong in mutual understanding, moreover, to my mind this is an integral part of successful relationship between men and women.

All I want to say: to my mind , you should gave him your real reaction instead of pretending that nothing happened.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #29  June 15,2009, 7:35am
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I think she handled it well. He might be telling the truth. He didn't just do a no show, he contacted her and apologized.

Yes, a phone call instead of a text message would have been more appropriate. However, if he's being honest, then that nicety could have eluded him due to his preoccupation with getting the paperwork.

Nobody's perfect so I say allow him this misstep and see where it goes. Of course if this becomes a pattern then you do need to let him know he can't keep cancelling on you.
 
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timeless2 is offline timeless2 Post #30  June 15,2009, 10:24am
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So how was the date?
 
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