Sex on first date: need advice


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classicguru1979 is offline classicguru1979 Post #1  June 11,2009, 5:34pm
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I currently find myself in a situation i've never been in before. I started talking a woman on another dating site about a month ago. We've had great conversations and the whole thing in general feels pretty good. We have a lot in common and the feelings seem to be mutual. However, she has described herself as a very sexual person. In the beginning, she talked about sex a lot. Over the past week or two she has chilled out with a lot of the sex talk. Mainly because I am a virgin. I think she started to detect that I wasn't too terribly comfortable talking about sex so much. I need to get a little more comfortable with somebody before talking about sex so openly. Anyways, she has mentioned that there is a chance that she will want to have sex with me on our first date if things go well (which i'm pretty sure they will). The idea of it seemed pretty appealing for awhile since the girl is very attractive and I really want to have sex. She has already asked me to go to a concert with her next weekend so it seems like she is pretty fond of me and is feeling pretty serious about what we are doing. However, I still have some reservations about doing this. I tend to be the kind of person who does have reservations and is a little more cautious. Part me feels like I should just say the heck with it and go for it, but the other part of me wants to be my usual cautious self. There doesn't seem to be anything unusual going on in her life and she doesn't seem to have a lot of emotional baggage (which is a nice, refreshing change for me). The only red flag I see is that she wants to hang out in a hotel room after our date. I'm not completely sure why we are staying in a hotel room. I have to discuss that with her tonight. Otherwise, this does feel like it has potential. It doesn't seem like she is ddating me just for sex, but it also seems to good to be true. I've never been one to even consider having sex with somebody on a first date. I always like to get to know women a little bit rather than jumping into it too fast. Of course, the slower method hasn't seemed to have worked out so well,lol. So yeah, i'm just looking for opinions at this point......
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #2  June 11,2009, 5:44pm

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i would be careful if i were you. it does not seem kosher that she is willing to have s-e-x with you on the first date and told you so.

if both of you are only thinking about getting off the whole time you are on the date and you do it, what happens if on the second date you realize you aren't compatible? this is of course assuming you want to have $ex for the first time with a person that you want to be in an eventual relationship with.

BUT

If you just want $ex and are aware that the consequences might be that you two never see each other again ( or the clap ) then go for it.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #3  June 11,2009, 5:45pm
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My opinion is you are in deep enough where the fishes have big teeth – and not in a good way.
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #4  June 11,2009, 5:45pm

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oh. and bring protection.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #5  June 11,2009, 5:48pm
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scarlet13 wrote :
s-e-x
$ex
$ex
How did you get to 807 posts without realizing it is okay to write sex?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #6  June 11,2009, 5:51pm

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D_Lion wrote :
How did you get to 807 posts without realizing it is okay to write sex?
my posts get moderated if i write that word.

and you don't have to be so snotty.
 
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trackstar is offline trackstar Post #7  June 11,2009, 5:51pm
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I think that you should stick with what you feel comfortable with. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get to know someone before sleeping with them. I think that's especially true when you haven't been with anyone before - a certain amount of trust and comfort goes a long way, and it's hard to establish that with someone immediately. It seems a little odd to me that sex would be a foregone conclusion on the first date when you haven't even met yet. The hotel room thing seems strange to me too. Is the concert venue far away from where either of you live? Otherwise, if she is too uncomfortable to have you to her place or go to yours, she should be too uncomfortable to sleep with you too. Ya know? I wouldn't make any decisions until I met the woman. Sometimes, relatively insecure women throw out a lot of sex talk thinking that is what men want to hear. . .I can't tell you how many of my sorority "sisters" were into that. You said she's kind of cooled it with that talk, so you never know, maybe she's not a total sex fiend after all, and you can establish a relationship based on something more concrete. NOT that I'm telling you not to do anything if it feels really, really right. Just. . .go at your own pace and don't worry about hers. If she understands where you're coming from, she should definitely be willing to hold off for a bit.
 
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classicguru1979 is offline classicguru1979 Post #8  June 11,2009, 5:54pm
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To answer some questions, yes I do have protection, she does live very close by, and I don't believe she is cheating. She told me she has not been in a serious relationship in about two years. With her being so sexual, it does make me wonder if she has slept with other guys and how many times she has slept with them. However, something keeps telling me that her intentions are noble. We have talked everyday for a month, we text often, and she is already planning to see me after tomorrow. Maybe there is something i'm not seeing, but something tells me this might wind up being more good than bad. She said herself that she started picking up on the fact that I am a "different" type of guy than she was used to. Maybe I should see what happens if I decline not to have sex with her. I feel like a dope just for saying that, but I am looking for something serious. I am getting the impression that she is serious, but she just happens to be a very sexual gal. I guess if I was 100 percent sure I wouldn't be asking you all.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  June 11,2009, 5:58pm

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classicguru1979 wrote :
To answer some questions, yes I do have protection, she does live very close by, and I don't believe she is cheating. She told me she has not been in a serious relationship in about two years. With her being so sexual, it does make me wonder if she has slept with other guys and how many times she has slept with them. However, something keeps telling me that her intentions are noble. We have talked everyday for a month, we text often, and she is already planning to see me after tomorrow. Maybe there is something i'm not seeing, but something tells me this might wind up being more good than bad. She said herself that she started picking up on the fact that I am a "different" type of guy than she was used to. Maybe I should see what happens if I decline not to have sex with her. I feel like a dope just for saying that, but I am looking for something serious. I am getting the impression that she is serious, but she just happens to be a very sexual gal. I guess if I was 100 percent sure I wouldn't be asking you all.
if she lives close by, why did it take you a month to meet?
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #10  June 11,2009, 6:00pm
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Don't you have a funny feeling about a woman who is so opening going after sex on the internet? How many people is she having sex with at the same time?

A friend of mine showed me the profile of a woman he was interested in meeting. Her profile was full of lightly veiled sexual references. I asked him if he would really want her around his kids. She was very attractive so I'm unsure why she was putting it all out there like that. Is there actually a business proposition that comes along with the second "date"?
 
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