How much work is too much?


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T_rav is offline T_rav Post #1  June 11,2009, 9:59am

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I plan on working a lot in my life so I can meet my goals which doesn't bother me. However, I hear stories about so called workaholics in business who seemingly always become divorced because of lack of time they can spend with their loved ones. I'm just a bit curious, how much time do you believe you have to spend with your man? Will calls during the day to show they care matter much if they're constantly working?

Thanks
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  June 11,2009, 10:24am
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Wise insight and nice ambition. Yes, unions can and do fall apart all the time because needs aren't being met. Needs for affection, companionship and helping out at home. Yes, daily thoughtful contact helps, but it does not replace time spent together. Success is more than a big house, a happy life outside of work, a good marriage and a balance of this is key.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  June 11,2009, 10:52am
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Around 10 hours per day and at least 5 phone calls should do it. And maybe just a few texts to make sure you remember each other

But really, it's about the quality of time. You can spend all week together and get nothing out of it. Or you can spend only a few hours together and connect with your partner. Communication is a good starting point.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  June 11,2009, 11:44am
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It's not about the quantity of time that you spend together, it's about the quality of the relationship overall that you have.

If you are ambitious, then you need to find a mate who is also ambitious and will support your endeavors and have similar goals in life or want to achieve similar goals. If you are busy, but date someone who looks to you to be their sole source of entertainment, things will not work out no matter how much you try.

Ultimately, you do want to find balance in life where you are successful in your career and you do have a healthy relationship and have time for friends. Life is short, enjoy it.
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #5  June 11,2009, 12:07pm
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T_rav wrote :
I plan on working a lot in my life so I can meet my goals
It might be wise to work smart not long (or "a lot") -- AND to examine one's priorities to decide what is really important in life. It is said that few die wishing they'd made more money or had more toys (or presumably worked more) but many die wishing they'd loved people more.

I decided at age forty that many "goals and objectives" I had set for myself were not necessary or rewarding -- and optioned for a life of freedom from striving for such things. Thirty years later I can say without reservation that was an excellent decision.
 
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wishamee is offline wishamee Post #6  June 11,2009, 12:08pm
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Frankly, I think you will bring heartache to someone. And if you have kids through the relationship, you'll make them feel cheated as well. Go work. Work all the long hours you want and get ahead, reach your goal or whatever. But don't expect a special sweetheart to do without you all those hours when her family and friends have their men around. And don't have kids whose dad isn't there at birthday parties, pushing them on the swings, wiping their knees while they learn to ride a bike, can't/won't watch them play soccer, do ballerina class or all the things other kids will have their dads doing. Kids and sweethearts do without your company and companionship without choice while you fulfill yours. You will satisfy yourself while your loved ones do without you. And it will always be your choice even if you ask "if they mind." Workaholics do it for themselves and want credit for the suffering. BAH.
 
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Medievalgrrl is offline Medievalgrrl Post #7  June 11,2009, 12:19pm
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I think most of the other posters have nailed it. It's all about balance and quality. It's great that you have goals and work ethics, when I see so many around me today who don't. You really do have to find a balance between your work and personal life. It's also important that if you are going to be a workaholic, make sure it's doing something you love. If you are being a workaholic just for the sake of money, security, accolades, not only are you taking the work time away from the ones you love but you are taking the time you are with them away also, because you are going to be tired, unhappy, frustrated, etc. The old saying is too often true, we hurt the ones we love.

Don't despair, there are many career driven women who appreciates a man who is equally driven. I think the key for you is to find someone who is secure in herself and has her own goals and interest. Once you've found her, then you can make sure you set aside the time to build a quality relationship. And yes the little gestures often mean so much more. Good luck!
 
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eH_Advice_Host_Kate is offline eH_Advice_Host_Kate — Advice Official Moderator Post #8  June 11,2009, 12:47pm

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Hi T_rav,

This is a really astute question, and it shows that you are serious about making a relationship succeed as you succeed in other areas.

I just wanted to provide some information regarding how eHarmony’s research and matching approach relates to your question. We know that many people who have higher levels of ambition, autonomy, and industry can have very happy, healthy relationships. Part of this success is choosing a partner who is compatible with you in these areas. When you are matched through eHarmony, these levels, fortunately, are taken into account.

To discern who is the best match for you, You might want to ask your matches questions such as “How much space do you need in a relationship?” during the communication process (which you already may be doing). And it wouldn’t hurt to make your life style clear on your About Me page.

I’m sure you’ll continue to get good insights and angles from other members.

Best of luck with all your endeavors!

~Kate
eHarmony Advice Host
 
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T_rav is offline T_rav Post #9  June 11,2009, 12:48pm

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JDavid wrote :
.

It might be wise to work smart not long (or "a lot") -- AND to examine one's priorities to decide what is really important in life. It is said that few die wishing they'd made more money or had more toys (or presumably worked more) but many die wishing they'd loved people more.

I decided at age forty that many "goals and objectives" I had set for myself were not necessary or rewarding -- and optioned for a life of freedom from striving for such things. Thirty years later I can say without reservation that was an excellent decision.
Yeah I completly agree on the money side. However, I'm not motivated by business in the typical means. If you want to help people, truly help a large number you have to master business. Those that control money have the greatest potential. I'm naturally good at investment/business, so I believe I have a responsibility. I always try to work smarter not harder, but there's a lot of smart people out there. I think work is just going to be inevitable.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #10  June 11,2009, 1:04pm
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I was one of those kids whose father worked long hours by his own choice. I resented his work and felt betrayed.

Over the years I have seen people, male and female alike put work first over family. According to studies after a person reaches having worked 12 hours the risk of mistakes increases with every additional hour worked. Also the concentration level drops. A person may get a good bonus for working the long hours but at what cost. Having your spouse think they are living with a stranger and your kids not getting the love and training only you can give. A person has to decide where to draw the line if a relationship is going to work.
 
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