spiritant is offline spiritant Post #1  June 10,2009, 2:45pm
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wait for it....

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I met a girl (who coincidentally I've known my entire life) about a month ago. Our families are very close, and it seemed like it was just a perfect situation. Things got serious pretty quickly but were actually going very well for a few weeks. It was obvious that there was a strong mutual attraction, and I have developed very strong feelings for her.

Over the last week, she has grown very distant, and expressed to me that she wants to backtrack to where we are just friends, and "see where it goes from there."

Based on the way things were going (very well), I'm taking this as her letting me down softly. I know it's only been a month, but all indications were that this was going to work.

I guess my question is this- Is it possible for a relationship to work if it starts off hot and heavy, then downgrades to a "friends" status? That is not what I desire, but it is what she suggested.
 
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SpyderRyder65 is offline SpyderRyder65 Post #2  June 10,2009, 6:16pm
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even though my situation is a bit different. the girl im curently dating started out really good and we talked about stuff we wanted to do together and then she pulls out the friend card and wants to be friends first too and then work up to being in a relationship, she started out calling me everyday now all she does is text me every day and once in a while she will call me or i will call her, I need to move on but I find it difficult im very much attracted to her and shes told me she wants to be with me too but she doesnt want to get hurt again so she thinks we should be friends first and take it really slow. this is a first for me usually the women Ive dated we start out and then move onto friendship so its been hard for me moving backwards is usually a sign that shes not as interested as she thought she was. I keep hoping against hope that. that is not the case but my gut tells me otherwise, I hope it works out for you...........Michael
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  June 10,2009, 6:26pm
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Nothing to see here at all...

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I would hold off jumping to conclusions here, and see what she actually means by "backtracking".

She may be a little concerned with the speed your relationship has progressed, and want to ensure that there is some substance to it, not just physical chemistry. I find the fact that she wants to see where it goes, quite encouraging.

I think she may also realize that because your families are close, it may cause some damage to their relationship, if your relationship ends on a bad note. I think she wants things to work out well for all involved.

I personally believe that she wants to be smart about it and take it slow. My advice to you would be to follow her lead for a while longer, and see where it takes you.

ETA: Having an open discussion with her about the situation (without laying blame at anyone) may also be of help. I always find it much easier to know what someone is thinking, rather than guessing and building imaginary castles in my mind.
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 10,2009 at 7:32pm.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #4  June 10,2009, 6:29pm
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It is so complicated, ya'll, and it doesn't even have to be.

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It could be that she is overwhelmed by the turn of events and just need some time to process. Space isn't always a bad thing. She may need for the two of you to slow it down a bit and gradually get use to it. But it could also be her way of letting you down easily. Give her the space she's requested and in about two weeks you will have figured out where it's heading.
 
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TaoShaffer is offline TaoShaffer Post #5  June 10,2009, 6:32pm
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Slow it down and see what happens. But if something does not develop in say... two weeks or whatever amount of time you think is more than enough, then move on.

Maybe she is genuinely interested in you and wants to make sure you are not with her simply for the "passion."

but if she isn't ready to commit to a relationship after a certain amount of time you may just want to move on.

Honesty is the best policy. Let her know how you feel and make sure you understand how she feels.

--Tao
 
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Wootz is offline Wootz Post #6  June 10,2009, 6:54pm
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I had a similar situation happen a few years ago. The girl I was dating, after six months of getting really close and some of the best physical love of my life said she wanted to back things off. Things were getting too heavy, too fast for her and she was scared. We had our first fight at six months over the fact that we *never* fought about anything, if you can believe that. Went from everything a guy could want to "just friends" in all of twenty minutes (for me).

It wasn't an easy decision for me, but I let it ride. I was really, *really* into this girl. I didn’t want to lose her. At the same time, though, I remember thinking- was this all in my head? Was she not as attracted to me as I thought? Is she cheating on me? All those things and more. She apologized all over herself for making it hard on me. It took me a long time to get what she was trying to say- that she’d been hurt before and didn’t want to lose her focus on her long term goals for a thing of the moment, however good.

Turnaround time was three weeks for us. Not three weeks as in back to business and full throttle all the way. But within three weeks we became more comfortable with who we were. I got to know her much better in that time- not just the road map of freckles on her skin that I still remember to this day. We were still a couple in that time frame- just not very physical. In the end, it was definitely worth waiting for. After the slow down, I realized that I’d been getting too obsessed with the relationship as well. I got some of my life back, and it made the time I had with her all the sweeter.

Bottom line, I agree with what the other posters are saying. Give it time but not forever- set some kind of limit to it. From my experience, it *can* be a good thing in the long run. Doesn’t mean it will be for you, but there’s that hope. Good luck.
 
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jayjay is offline jayjay Post #7  June 10,2009, 7:56pm
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...things seem to have gotten quiet around here.

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What I think can happen quite often is that people get caught up in the moment and enjoying dating someone new or someone who was previously just a friend. Then, at some point they begin to think of the future and realize that while they enjoyed the time they have been spending with this person....for some reason the person isn't who they want to be with long-term, so then they want to 'backtrack' to just being friends again.
 
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pinknblackpoet is offline pinknblackpoet Post #8  June 10,2009, 8:15pm
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Maybe she values your friendship more than anything and doesn't want to hurt what you have now. She could be scared that it won't work out the way that you both want it and if all goes wrong she just didnt lose a boyfriend she lost a really good friend too. Also since the families close she may feel that would be some kind of tension between the two if it didnt work out or if it did what would happen then. I think that she is just playing it safe and working out all the options. I mean that is a lot to handle or she could have felt that you was moving way too fast and wants to slow it down a bit and see where it goes. Although it is hard because there is always that hope when are friends with someone that it could lead to something else. Maybe you are just wishing that is what is going to happen. But to know for sure I would just ask what they meant by that and explain to them how you feel. Its better to have tried then to never know. You cant help the way that you feel even though the person may not feel the same way there is nothing that you can do about it. Just hang in there and see what happens
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #9  June 10,2009, 8:24pm
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
I would hold off jumping to conclusions here, and see what she actually means by "backtracking".

She may be a little concerned with the speed your relationship has progressed, and want to ensure that there is some substance to it, not just physical chemistry. I find the fact that she wants to see where it goes, quite encouraging.

I think she may also realize that because your families are close, it may cause some damage to their relationship, if your relationship ends on a bad note. I think she wants things to work out well for all involved.

I personally believe that she wants to be smart about it and take it slow. My advice to you would be to follow her lead for a while longer, and see where it takes you.

ETA: Having an open discussion with her about the situation (without laying blame at anyone) may also be of help. I always find it much easier to know what someone is thinking, rather than guessing and building imaginary castles in my mind.
Pretty much my thoughts as well. Communication is key. Talk to her, be open and honest, and encourage the same from her.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #10  June 10,2009, 8:43pm
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If you really like this girl then give her space and time. Going fast and furious could scare anyone. Let her have time to think about the relationship to discover where she wants to go with it. It is possible she is letting you down softly but if you act rash you will never know. Good luck
 
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