client/trainer issues


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simonevans is offline simonevans Post #1  June 9,2009, 8:10pm
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So here's the deal. I'm a client for a female trainer. I've been seeing her for about 3 years. A few months ago, I asked her out, and she said she can't because she doesn't want to mix business and pleasure. However, this whole thing seems to have brought us closer. She's still really flirty, and stuff.

I've always been tempted to straight up ask her "What if I wan't your client?" Does anyone have any suggestions on how to even slip that into a conversation, or do I have to bite the bullet and put it all on the line? We are friends, and get along extremely well which is why for some reason I can't let it go like with other women.
 
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Raw_Truth is offline Raw_Truth Post #2  June 10,2009, 10:40am
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To me it sounds like she's letting you down easy...
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  June 10,2009, 10:50am
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you guys get along because you are paying her, and she's a nice person.

it's not a very nice thing to do to mess with someone's livelihood because you want to date her. besides, if she really wanted to date you, she would, whether or not she was your trainer.
 
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tweet37 is online now tweet37 Post #4  June 10,2009, 11:00am
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Like they said. She's just not that into you.
 
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simonevans is offline simonevans Post #5  June 10,2009, 12:15pm
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I guess there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I was signed up with her before I even knew who she was, so I didn't get involved in her livlihood just to try to date her. It wasn't until later on after she became single I even thought about it. She was always telling me about the stuff that her b/f was doing that was dumb - venting to me, for the 2 boyfriends she had before I asked her out. I started liking her a lot sometime after the first one.

ALso, I don't know if it makes a difference or not, but when i asked her to go to out, i did it in an application form - an inside joke between us. (I told her she should have people apply to be her bf and they should get screened after a bad breakup with the second guy). anyhow when she asked what it was i told her it was asking her out to a hockey game. She said yes. Then, the next day she texted me that she can't date me because of wanting to keep personal/professional lives separate.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  June 10,2009, 12:18pm
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simonevans wrote :
I guess there's a bit of a misunderstanding here. I was signed up with her before I even knew who she was, so I didn't get involved in her livlihood just to try to date her. It wasn't until later on after she became single I even thought about it. She was always telling me about the stuff that her b/f was doing that was dumb - venting to me, for the 2 boyfriends she had before I asked her out. I started liking her a lot sometime after the first one.

ALso, I don't know if it makes a difference or not, but when i asked her to go to out, i did it in an application form - an inside joke between us. (I told her she should have people apply to be her bf and they should get screened after a bad breakup with the second guy). anyhow when she asked what it was i told her it was asking her out to a hockey game. She said yes. Then, the next day she texted me that she can't date me because of wanting to keep personal/professional lives separate.
If you like her that much, getting a new trainer might be an option. It's a risk, but that's often what dating is about. You definitely have to weigh your options here.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #7  June 10,2009, 12:23pm
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If you get a new trainer, and she still doesn't want to date you, then you will have messed with her livelihood, and that's kinda not fair.

you are putting her in an awkward situation. all trainers/clients flirt, but it doesn't mean anything for the most part.
 
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neardc is offline neardc Post #8  June 10,2009, 12:25pm
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She has let you know what her parameters are. Whether you agree with the standards she has set for herself or not, you should respect them. It's likely that she also has similarly positive relationships with other clients of hers (some of whom may also want to date her...lol).

That being said, it's up to you to decide whether you want to "put it all on the line" and ask her if she would date you if you weren't a client. Just be prepared not to like the answer.

I think you misunderstood Scarlett's point about her livelihood. The fact is that you are a client of her's now, and if you stop being a client, that's money out of her pocket. She depends on clients like you to make her living (it would be different if she were on a salary and getting paid the same no matter how many clients she had). That's just the economic reality of that kind of work.
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #9  June 10,2009, 12:49pm
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I'm such a bigshot now i don't even have to clarify my own posts!
 
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4getmenot is offline 4getmenot Post #10  June 10,2009, 1:40pm

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She turned you down. It does sound like she's just NOT that into you. She is flirty and very nice because like previous posts have suggested...you are a client SHE would hate to lose and maybe even a friend. If you don't want to ruin the friendship or client/trainer relationship you have you should just respect her decision....let it go.
 
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