What is my next move??


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Yasmin21 is offline Yasmin21 Post #1  June 9,2009, 11:37am
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Over the weekend I met a gorgeous guy whilst on a night out with friends. As soon as I walked in the door, we caught each others eye. We were sitting at quite a large table and about 20 mins after I arrived, he moved to sit around my side and we chatted for a while.

At the end of the evening, his friends and mine all moved onto another place but it was really noisy. He suggested we go somewhere quieter so we left our friends and went somewhere else for a drink. We talked for about an hour and he said he really enjoyed talking to me. He also mentioned that he didnt have any plans the following day and asked me if I wanted to go to a gallery with him. I already had plans but I gave him my number. At the end of the night, he put me in a taxi, gave me a hug and we went our separate ways.There was plenty of eye contact and he gently touched my arm a few times which I didnt mind at all.

The next day he called me to ask if I got home ok but I couldnt pick up at the time so he left a voicemail. The day after he called me again to chat and asked me what my plans were for the rest of the week. I told him that I had a few things on but he didnt ask me out on a date which I was expecting him to do. Instead he asked me to let him know if I wanted to get together.

I'm very interested in this guy, he's gorgeous, funny, intelligent, very easy to talk to and I really enjoyed chatting to him. He's also the first guy I've been seriously interested in or even attracted to since I broke up with my ex 4 months ago.

I want to see if he is free over the weekend to meet up but I'm conscious of the fact that I was way too available to my ex and I was never much of a challenge for him in terms of him pursuing me. In the end he broke up with me because he wasnt ready for anything serious and I think it was because I fell for him too quickly and made it really obvious. I don't want things to go wrong this time in the same way as they did with my ex.

So should I text him or let him initiate all contact? The last thing I want to do is make him think I am running after him as it will put him off.How do I play this?
 
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Wiseman2 is offline Wiseman2 Post #2  June 9,2009, 11:56am
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Very wise insight about the departure of the Ex. Hold your horses with this guy, or he will think you are fast,easy or desperate. Let him call you and ask you out. Don't be so overly available that he will think you have no life or are filling a void your ex left. He may be able to get plenty of women, so watch out how fast you throw yourself at him. Two heart-aches in a row is definitely not better than one.
 
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Dafearon is offline Dafearon Post #3  June 9,2009, 11:57am
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From a guy's point of view, it appears he is trying to ask you out on a date, but you've more or less told him you're busy. He is pretty much thrown it in your court to tell him when you're free.

Throw him a bone and give him some *specific* time you are free. He will plan something for your free days. If you don't, he might see it as "you're not interested" or "won't make time for him".
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #4  June 9,2009, 11:59am
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Don't play any games! This guy sounds great. Plus, he has already called you (more than once).

Call him today, with a specific activity, date, and time in mind. He will appreciate you being direct and expressing your interest. No one likes not knowing how the other person feels.

As far as everything else goes, you can certainly try to take things slowly. Keep in mind that everything (intellectual, emotional, spiritual, and physical chemistry) should grow together. Problems arise when the relationship is not balanced (for example, sleeping together too quickly).

Best of luck to you! Please let us know how it turns out.

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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #5  June 9,2009, 12:00pm
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Did you return his call when he left a message? Also, when he asked you your plans for the week and you said you had a few things on, what did he say after that? What makes you so sure your ex broke up with you because you were "too available"? Is that just your theory?

If I intend to ask a woman out I will generally ask her if she's free during the time I'd want to spend with her; if she understands I'm trying to ask her out she'll let me know if she has obligations, but she'll also let me know in some way that she would like to hang out if I ask. Did you do that with him? When he asked him to let you know if you want to get together what did you tell him, if anything?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 9,2009, 12:01pm
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Rule #1 - don't let your past get in the way of your present.

He asked you out directly and you shot him down and told him you are busy - not terrible since he was giving you short notice in this case. However, he called asked about your free time again and you told him that you are busy. He did not ask you on a date because he now doubts that you are interested in him. In the future a better way to handle this is if you are busy for the day that the guy suggests, tell him when you are free and give him an opening to make concrete plans with you.

So now your next move is to let him know when you are available to meet with him. The ball is in your court and if you don't pitch it back he'll move on. He's already done a fair share of chasing for the moment.
 
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dreamingartist is offline dreamingartist Post #7  June 9,2009, 12:02pm
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Ask him to play chess because its obvious you guys just want to play games.


Immature people wait 2 or 3 days to call someone when they want to talk to them NOW.

Oh i can't call cause i have to appear this, or oh i can't call, he has to call.

I can translate it:

Games.

I go for what I want, when I want. If they don't want it, o well, if they need me to wait 6 days because if I don't then I am too eager, o well.. Games are for highschoolers. You want him, CALL HIM! Don't over analyze it.
 
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bonopeart is offline bonopeart Post #8  June 9,2009, 12:05pm
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Sorry, I don't mean to offend you, but it seems like you are going for him for all the wrong reasons. Besides him being "gorgeous", what else does he have to offer? You sound like me when I was 18 You should REALLY consider this, and maybe do some reading on relationships before you go further. Just trying to help...IMHO...etc...
Last edited by bonopeart; June 9,2009 at 12:07pm. Reason: Because I am a schmuuucuk (who needs a woman :)
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #9  June 9,2009, 12:08pm
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bonopeart wrote :
Sorry, I don't mean to offend you, but it seems like you are going for him for all the wrong reasons. Besides him being "gorgeous", what else does he have to offer? You sound like me when I was 18 You should REALLY consider this, and maybe do some reading on relationships before you go further. Just reying to help...IMHO...etc...
Well, the OP also said she had good conversation with him the night they met. She won't know what he has to offer until they have actually have a date. So far, he at least seems chivalrous and assertive.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #10  June 9,2009, 12:43pm
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I would say the ball is in your court on this one.

From your post, it sounds like he's made the effort on his part -- inviting you out for a drink away from the friends, asking you out for the next day, calling to make sure you got home ok, then calling again the next day to chat.

And though you've expressed interest to us -- I'm not sure if this interest has been clear to him. Obviously, there's nothing wrong with being busy, and you shouldn't drop your plans for him -- but I think it's time for you to return the favor by inviting him out or being clear about when you are NOT busy - even better, have specific plans in mind.

Good luck!
 
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