How much communication is too much?


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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #1  June 8,2009, 2:24pm
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We all know that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing... So my questions to the peanut gallery are:

1. What are your norms regarding communication (emails, texts, calls, dates) within the first month of matching/meeting a person?

2. How are these norms working out for you and what have the positive or negative effects been when you've deviated from said norms?

Obviously each situation is unique depending upon the personalities involved, but I am simply curious as to the averages here on eHa and how they are working for everyone.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  June 8,2009, 2:45pm
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Prior to meeting: I reply to simple, factual e-mails quickly, but generally only once per 24 hours during the week, unless I am using my office e-mail. Cumbersome e-mails (“tell me about your goals”) I am likely to delay answering until a weekend unless inspiration strikes. I got faster over the years though, with experience and less concern about any specific match.
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meanminicooper is offline meanminicooper Post #3  June 8,2009, 3:46pm
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Less is more.

If im on an oil rig and you havent heard from me in 3 weeks, the "I just wanted to hear your voice" phone call is acceptable.

If I tell you the night before that ill be absolutely slammed tuesday morning at work, dont call me at 11:30 saying you wanted to hear my voice.
 
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CreolePrincess is offline CreolePrincess Post #4  June 8,2009, 4:30pm
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Texts, IMs, phone calls, faxes, emails, post-its, etc. is all fine by me. It doesn't turn into too much communication until it interferes with my daily life, such as 25 calls while I'm at work or constant test messages when he knows the movies I've been waiting to see all month premiers. It's also a problem if the communication becomes a form of keeping tabs on me. Not kewl!
 
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all_seasons is offline all_seasons Post #5  June 8,2009, 4:50pm
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[quote=D_Lion;636327]Prior to meeting: I reply to simple, factual e-mails quickly, but generally only once per 24 hours during the week, unless I am using my office e-mail. Cumbersome e-mails (“tell me about your goals”) I am likely to delay answering until a weekend unless inspiration strikes. I got faster over the years though, with experience and less concern about any specific match.
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  June 8,2009, 4:59pm

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geez, how come I meet all the men that want to talk on the phone!?! what is up with that!?

Maybe they are just so shocked and thrown off that I don't want to talk on the phone they think there is something wrong with me?
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #7  June 8,2009, 5:06pm
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cp30 wrote :
geez, how come I meet all the men that want to talk on the phone!?! what is up with that!?

Maybe they are just so shocked and thrown off that I don't want to talk on the phone they think there is something wrong with me?
Geez, you're meeting the "normals". Ya know, the ones that don't mind talking on the phone.

And that's definitely shocking that you don't want to talk on the phone. Back when I was single and dating, it always was the girl who preferred talking on the phone over email. Though I was the one who asked for their number first and called. I'd be a little surprised if a girl was like, I'd rather talk over email than the phone.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #8  June 8,2009, 5:08pm
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So am I to understand that the general consensus is that once one gets past the 1-2 OC emails, one 5-10min call once every week or two to set up a date and then that date once every week or two is the extent of the communication?

Hmmm...definitely interesting. Personally a few hours a month is not sufficient for me to get to know a person...but then I've generally lived my life in the margins

I welcome further feedback.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  June 8,2009, 5:11pm

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Mr_Right wrote :
Geez, you're meeting the "normals". Ya know, the ones that don't mind talking on the phone.

And that's definitely shocking that you don't want to talk on the phone. Back when I was single and dating, it always was the girl who preferred talking on the phone over email. Though I was the one who asked for their number first and called. I'd be a little surprised if a girl was like, I'd rather talk over email than the phone.
actually I would say, thats ok....lets just meet up, phone is not a requirement to me, though I do it if it makes the other person happy!

I do like to have enough email that I know if I want to meet them or not. Usually the guy suggests the phone, and if we are at that point already (we have developed some kind of rapport and I am interested) then I suggest just meeting instead. Sometimes he is like...awesome...sometimes he is like...you are weird, I want to talk first. lol.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #10  June 8,2009, 5:13pm
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Nature_Lover wrote :
We all know that too much of a good thing can be a bad thing... So my questions to the peanut gallery are:

1. What are your norms regarding communication (emails, texts, calls, dates) within the first month of matching/meeting a person?

2. How are these norms working out for you and what have the positive or negative effects been when you've deviated from said norms?

Obviously each situation is unique depending upon the personalities involved, but I am simply curious as to the averages here on eHa and how they are working for everyone.
1. Email, a 2-3 day response to a email is fine. Text, I'm not much of a texter, but 1-2 texts a week. Also, regarding the phone, perhaps a call every 2-3 days, though depending on how fast or slow the relationship is moving, that can move to 5-7 days.

I also expect to not have to do all the calling and texting, and if people didn't respond to a voice mail, I moved on.

2. They worked. End of story. Deviations did occur, but they were special circumstances, and for the most part I stuck to the plan.
 
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