Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
missy2u2002 missy2u2002 is offline
missy2u2002's Avatar

missy2u2002 is at work.

Quick Study

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 133

See profile

Interesting, I have been dating what started out as friends with benefits. It was great I thought this was someone I would love forever. Come to find out, we get along better as just friends with benefits. After spending 4+ years trying to get to know him (which I thought I knew him pretty well) I have discovered that he really is not all that and a bag of chips. There is a reason he was single and is once again. He is constantly looking for the grass which is greener on the other side. Is this something that he will ever grow out of? He is 49 years old acting like a 17 year old. Seriously, how do you find someone who is mature and really wants a long term relationship?
Last edited by missy2u2002; June 8th, 2009 at 12:31 pm. Reason: edited for those who don't text
- June 8th, 2009, 11:34 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
tbesq tbesq is offline
tbesq's Avatar

Volunteer Community Leader

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 3,309

See profile

Will he grow out of it? One can never say never, but it is unlikely he will.

How do you find someone who is mature and really wants a ltr? Confirm that he's mature and wants a long-term relationship before you enter a relationship with him. Don't assume he's more mature just because he's older (same with women).

I don't think you really "know someone" until you become intimate with them. It's not unusual for people to try others differently after intimacy. This is especially applicable in situations where people become intimate before they officially enter a relationship.
- June 8th, 2009, 11:43 am
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
Wiseman2 Wiseman2 is offline
Wiseman2's Avatar

Enthusiast

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 553

See profile

He's 49 acting like 17? And the grass is greener. I agree biological age and behavior differs.Like attracts like. A good start might be writing in plain normal English as mature people do, rather than in teen-like text/chat lingo to attract a more mature,serious type of person.Think about it... who would be fluent in this unless they spend a lot of time texting on cell phones and in chat rooms? Why is some who is not a teen doing this? Wife, girlfriend they can't talk in front of ?
- June 8th, 2009, 12:03 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
4getmenot 4getmenot is offline
4getmenot's Avatar

4getmenot found a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! =)

Pacesetter

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 404

See profile

He is 49...this is WHO he is. I don't think it is something he will GROW out of, it is just who he is, who he has become over the years.
- June 8th, 2009, 12:29 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
soawesome soawesome is offline
soawesome's Avatar

soawesome Can't believe how great a tough love can be!

Quick Study

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 112

See profile

I have to say the consensus is pretty spot on. Unless he's actively working on these things with a therapist, he probably isn't ever going to change. If the FWB situation is good for you. Leave it alone and enjoy it til you find Mr. ready for LTR.
- June 8th, 2009, 01:56 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

D_Lion D_Lion is offline
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 11,030

See profile

missy2u2002 wrote :
He is constantly looking for the grass which is greener on the other side. Is this something that he will ever grow out of?

Yes, when / if he finds a person or circumstance that satisfies what he is looking for, needs, or thinks he needs. It may not ever be you, and he may not ever succeed.

I wouldn’t knock somebody as “immature” either; some people have been hurt and chose not to get closer or more committed than they feel safe with – though I am assuming here that he did not lead you on, which would be a different story.

In any case, I agree with the advice to enjoy it while resuming your search. (I’d be open about that, though.)
- June 8th, 2009, 03:23 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
Mr_Right Mr_Right is offline
Mr_Right's Avatar

Mr_Right says check out the new profile picture

Virtuoso

Join Date: Jun 2008

Posts: 2,874

See profile

Man, I haven't heard the phrase "all that and a bag of chips" in forever.
- June 8th, 2009, 06:24 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
angelofmerci's Avatar

angelofmerci loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,304

See profile

Some guys just never want to get married. They prefer to play the field, be able to pick and go when they want to without having to plan ahead like you do with a spouse and kids. They just do not want all that responsiblity.
- June 8th, 2009, 10:22 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

Why enter a relationship if you can get what you are after without the relationship?
- June 8th, 2009, 10:54 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
txbubba txbubba is offline
txbubba's Avatar

txbubba is not out of his mind - just out of bullets

Unregistered

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 453

See profile

missy2u2002 wrote :
I have discovered that he really is not all that and a bag of chips. There is a reason he was single and is once again. He is constantly looking for the grass which is greener on the other side. Is this something that he will ever grow out of? He is 49 years old acting like a 17 year old. Seriously, how do you find someone who is mature and really wants a long term relationship?
you sound like the pot calling the kettle 'black'. you know (or think you know) his reasons for behaving like this in a FWB relationship. what's your excuse?
- June 9th, 2009, 12:17 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Bookmarks

« How much work is too much? | Array | What do you look for in a guy? »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My Boyfriend is Calling Female Escorts Off the Internet turquoisepink Dating 31 May 16th, 2009 02:48 pm
I want to dump my boyfriend but I am scared that I will regret my decision. D_Lion Dating 16 May 13th, 2009 02:41 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I guess to get my dream color, I need two boxes of 8RB Reddish Blonde.  Thanks!” – choochoo

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“So I've learned from these posts that I am not wrong for feeling this way. I agree, weekend dates hold more weight...more time, no work pressure the next day etc. So, given all of this, is there a ... ” – Sawyer76

Join the “Is there a difference between weekday and weekend dates?” discussion

“ There is absolutely no rational reason why you can't go out as long as you want. He was only speaking of his own personal experiences. I know no one who has any direct correlation between length ... ” – Can_I_just_be_Jo

Join the “always so paranoid” discussion

“I have been pursued and it didn't work. I feel that if you aren't interested in someone, nothing they do can really change that. I went out with a guy and didn't really feel a connection. Went on a ... ” – Sawyer76

Join the “does persistance pay off?” discussion

“I actually think the variety in response is quite helpful. Even Harvey had a valid point to consider though you might not like his bedside manners. This woman needs to understand why she chose ... ” – nightling

Join the “Frustrated & Confused: Is He A Sexual Addict???” discussion

“ Nice Melcalrrt. I have to tell you I am a runner too and every time I see a runner with a prosthetic running leg I am in awe. I always think if that happened to me I hope I have the courage and ... ” – sqg123

Join the “Girls stop communicating after seeing my pix” discussion

“Yes I'd say he likes you a lot, but has some confidence issues. If you're interested, keep taking the initiative and ask him on a low-stress date like roguewolf suggested. He may gain confidence ... ” – kevin76

Join the “i have a problem understanding this guy!” discussion

“I rather fear with this thread that we are in danger of overlooking the fact that men do fall in love with women that they start off "just" having sex with. It is not always so but it does happen ... ” – nightling

Join the “bootycall” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:41 am.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0