Why is it so hard to admit a mistake?


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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #1  June 7,2009, 5:26am
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happily in love!!!

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I was so ready for everything to go right. Thought I had met the man of my dreams. Then he screwed up royally. Rather than admit to it, he acted like I had imagined the whole thing.
Is it so difficult to say "I'm sorry?"
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  June 7,2009, 5:30am
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Verylibra,

I am assuming this is the same man who was coming from long distance to meet you ... ? If so, I'm very sorry things did not work out. Care to share?
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #3  June 7,2009, 5:47am
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tbesq wrote :
Verylibra,

I am assuming this is the same man who was coming from long distance to meet you ... ? If so, I'm very sorry things did not work out. Care to share?
Thank you! He's been doing his best to make me feel awful. It's very hurtful. I need to get through my open house today before dissolving into tears so will write more later. You are so sweet!
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #4  June 7,2009, 6:39am
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Since you did not share much information and I apparently don't spend as much time reading threads as tbesq, I can't imagine why you would want to "dissolve into tears". The world is filled with jerks (not gender specific). When you encounter one the proper thing to do is say "NEXT".

The only thing that I see you have done wrong is to lead with your heart and build up too much of an attachment too early on (possibly before even meeting).

Here is a BIG HUG.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #5  June 7,2009, 6:45am
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I am very sorry that you had to go through this. It is not a matter of being difficult to apologize but rather a learned attitude or one of feeling entitled. By this I mean the person's parents never taught them to own up to their mistakes or they hold a position where they feel it is below them or they are entitled to displaying rude, crude and sociably unacceptable manners. I have seen this behavior in one particular doctor I worked with. He would never own up to anything being his fault, it was always someone else's, usually the nurse's fault.

I think you have just gotten a glimpse of the guy's true colors. If he does not own up to his being wrong it would be best to break off the relationship before you have more invested in it. Good luck
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #6  June 7,2009, 7:08am

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I don't know. I have never understood those people either. Those people are the type that make you feel guilty for being upset with them and they can be very toxic. They wronged you, but in the end you end up apologizing! How did that happen!?

This has always bothered me too....because I am the type of person that will go overboard apologizing when I realize a mistake. I hate to hurt people and I'm confident enough in myself that if I unintentionally hurt someone....its very easy to apologize.

I dont understand those people either, and you probably never will either. It is a pride thing and you are better off not trying to hard to get it, I think.

Sorry!
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #7  June 7,2009, 7:36am
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A general comment (not toward your situation):

Not every difference of opinion or hurt means that someone was wrong. Some choices are just a sign of two people being not right for each other.
[FONT=Calibri]
 
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Spotmyassets is offline Spotmyassets Post #8  June 7,2009, 7:58am
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Run...don't walk...I stayed with someone who did this to me...blamed me for his mistakes, it doesn't get better! I regret staying for as long as I did....I think it is because it is so hard to meet someone you connect to and like, but the behavior is toxic and effects our self esteem...It is better to end it now.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  June 7,2009, 8:08am
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Verylibra,
I'm so sorry you got hurt. Unfortunately happens to the best of us.

In my view, saying the words is easy, admitting responsibility is the hard part. Some people just never learn to assume responsibility for their actions and the consequences. I know this is going to sound harsh but good riddance! Better that this trait came out sooner rather than later.
 
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verylibra is offline verylibra Post #10  June 7,2009, 8:14am
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From what I can figure out, he had idealized what his birthday would be like with me. Because I called it off after some questionable behavior, he was hurt, disappointing and angry. Had he chosen to "fess up" and apologize rather than acting as if nothing happened, I would have gone on with our plans.

He's been calling at times when we would have been together asking me what would it have been like if...I had gotten back to being as totally smitten as I was before. He told me to call him especially if there was something going badly for me. He said he wanted to help me in anyway he could.

I thought maybe we could work things out. I called to wish him well just before a tournament. He was with his buds and acted like a complete jerk. It was so confusing considering the conversation from the night before.

A friend suggested I do more background checking. He has two residential phones and addresses. I called the one he didn't give me. I'm guessing his ex wife answered. She gave me his other number.

So I googled her. To my amazement, she's in the same industry as me! He never once mentioned it. She's a beautiful woman who appears to be successful yet he's still paying her alimony. They do favors for each other...take in the mail and water plants when out of town. Now I'm wondering if he picked me just to make her jealous. He accused me of playing him. I think it might just be the other way around.
 
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