Advice and Support from Thousands of Users Just Like You

Dating First-date jitters? Hoping for a second date? Moving on to a full blown relationship? Share your journey and advice here.

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3
 
LinkBack (1) Thread Tools
kayla4brains kayla4brains is offline
kayla4brains's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 25

See profile

I had a first date last night that I would say went medium well (no, he wasn't a steak...lol) We both seemed nervous and there were some awkward pauses, but personally I know that I am a reserved type of personality, and hardly ever gabby in any situation. I've never had a first date where I just "knew". From my perspective I saw qualities that I liked, and would be interested to find out more about him. I thought that he wouldn't be interested in me because I am quite a bit younger than him (I'm 22 and he's 35) and even though he knew this before, I thought once we met, he might have perceived me as being very young. To my surprise, after I thought we were wrapping up the date, we extended it with a walk, and then he said "Feel free to call me, I don't want to put you on the spot right now" he seemed a little nervous. I told him I had a nice time but didn't express intentions of calling him, which I regret - because I definetly did - I was just caught off guard and also nervous.
So now...today, I didn't want to be too in his face but still wanted him to know I was interested so I sent him a thank you and expressed that I would like to talk again. I guess my question is, if he doesn't respond should I call in a few days based upon what he said at the end of our date or let it go? I realize I am over-analyzing this - I am just a little new ( or should I say back) to dating and want to go about this the right way!
- June 6th, 2009, 05:33 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#1   Reply With Quote
D_Lion D_Lion is offline
D_Lion's Avatar

D_Lion - Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Join Date: Aug 2008

Posts: 11,030

See profile

I think you can not hurt yourself by calling, but if he wants to see you again, he will.

One contact - the thank you - was all you needed.
- June 6th, 2009, 05:39 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#2   Reply With Quote
DancingFool DancingFool is offline
DancingFool's Avatar

DancingFool wishes the rain would go away...

Veteran

Join Date: Jan 2009

Posts: 1,526

See profile

If you really want to you can call him in a day or so, but I'll second D_Lion that the thank you note essentially put the ball in his court now. If he liked you he'll call you or write you back and if not he won't.
- June 6th, 2009, 05:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#3   Reply With Quote
bigfincat bigfincat is online now
bigfincat's Avatar

Virtuoso

Join Date: Nov 2008

Posts: 2,799

See profile

You did fine & I would give him at least a few more days before you think of calling him again. Hopefully he will call you over the next few days so you won't have to analyze anything in the least. If you do call in a few days then that would be the only contact that you should give him...until he responds.

You did sort of throw the ball back into his court so hopefully he will respond.

You are slightly young for him but by no means a total dealbreaker. He went out with you in the first place so it may not be an issue.
- June 6th, 2009, 05:45 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#4   Reply With Quote
cp30 cp30 is offline
cp30's Avatar

cp30 is making big plans...

Power Poster

Join Date: Dec 2007

Posts: 5,353

See profile

my personal opinion is that is an age difference that is too great for an early 20's girl. Do you always date older men?

Regardless, he is 35. He knows how to pursue you if he is interested. If he is really shy and unable to do this, I'd be asking myself why he isn't dating women his own age....and that is probably why.
- June 6th, 2009, 06:09 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#5   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

kayla4brains kayla4brains is offline
kayla4brains's Avatar

Newbie

Join Date: Apr 2009

Posts: 25

See profile

As far as the age issue goes...no, I don't usually date men older than me but I haven't had luck with men my own age in the past. I'm not into bars, clubs, etc...and some things I have to deal with (healthwise) I find that men my age don't have the maturity to handle or just plain don't want to. Don't want to insult any fine guys that could that are out there! I'm just speaking from my own experiences!
As far as calling goes, I think it's just my nerves that need to be settled. That goes regardless of age, I would imagine.
- June 6th, 2009, 06:32 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#6   Reply With Quote
angelofmerci angelofmerci is offline
angelofmerci's Avatar

angelofmerci loves the feel of the wind blowing in his face while riding the curves

Veteran

Join Date: Jul 2008

Posts: 1,304

See profile

Being one of those who married a dated and married a girl 12 years younger I would not be quick to say that he chose you because of your age. I would suggest giving him 2-3 days to respond and if he does not then call him. Good luck
- June 6th, 2009, 06:36 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#7   Reply With Quote
IcecreamMoon IcecreamMoon is offline
IcecreamMoon's Avatar

IcecreamMoon Nothing to see here at all...

Virtuoso

Join Date: May 2009

Posts: 2,848

See profile

I agree with most people here.
A medium-well steak is slightly overcooked for my taste, and a 35 year old man is also slightly overcooked for a 22 year old woman in my opinion. It's not really about the numbers, it's just that you are at very different stages in your lives right now. But age does not always equal maturity.

I normally encourage people to communicate, but in this case I'd say you've done everything that can be reasonably expected of you. The ball is definitely in his court now.
- June 6th, 2009, 06:42 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#8   Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline
Oregon_Coast_Guy's Avatar

Oregon_Coast_Guy We're one of a kind like dip di-dip di-dip doo-bop a doo-bee do

Veteran

Join Date: Sep 2008

Posts: 1,610

See profile

kayla4brains wrote :
I had a first date last night that I would say went medium well (no, he wasn't a steak...lol) We both seemed nervous and there were some awkward pauses, but personally I know that I am a reserved type of personality, and hardly ever gabby in any situation. I've never had a first date where I just "knew". From my perspective I saw qualities that I liked, and would be interested to find out more about him. I thought that he wouldn't be interested in me because I am quite a bit younger than him (I'm 22 and he's 35) and even though he knew this before, I thought once we met, he might have perceived me as being very young. To my surprise, after I thought we were wrapping up the date, we extended it with a walk, and then he said "Feel free to call me, I don't want to put you on the spot right now" he seemed a little nervous. I told him I had a nice time but didn't express intentions of calling him, which I regret - because I definetly did - I was just caught off guard and also nervous.
So now...today, I didn't want to be too in his face but still wanted him to know I was interested so I sent him a thank you and expressed that I would like to talk again. I guess my question is, if he doesn't respond should I call in a few days based upon what he said at the end of our date or let it go? I realize I am over-analyzing this - I am just a little new ( or should I say back) to dating and want to go about this the right way!
To piggyback on the previous comment: If he is not at a different place in his life at 35, then this is a pretty big red flag.

As for your date, I'm sorry to say, but I don't think it went as well as you might think it did. First of all, you said there were awkward pauses. A good date will not have those. Awkward pauses are what make dates bad.

Second, he tried to put the ball in your court by telling you to call him. That shows that he is either not all that interested, or that he is afraid to take initiative. Do you really want to be with someone afraid to take the initiative? He was nervous the whole time? Why be nervous, it's just a first date. He's nervous because either he was treating it like he was sizing up a wife, or nervous because he has no confidence and lacks a backbone. Do you want to be with someone like that?

As for not having a date that you just "know;" one day, you will have a date where you will just "know."

If I were you, I'd let the guy go.
- June 6th, 2009, 07:28 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#9   Reply With Quote
Gr8Guyn2008 Gr8Guyn2008 is offline
Gr8Guyn2008's Avatar

Gr8Guyn2008 I wanna know what love is, I want you to show me

Power Poster

Join Date: Jan 2008

Posts: 9,311

See profile

bigfincat wrote :
You did fine & I would give him at least a few more days before you think of calling him again. Hopefully he will call you over the next few days so you won't have to analyze anything in the least. If you do call in a few days then that would be the only contact that you should give him...until he responds.

You did sort of throw the ball back into his court so hopefully he will respond.

You are slightly young for him but by no means a total dealbreaker. He went out with you in the first place so it may not be an issue.
If a 22 year old girl asked me out I would go out with her I will go out with almost anyone if it keeps me from having to eat a microwave dinner alone.
- June 6th, 2009, 10:04 pm
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiFurl this Post!Share on Facebook

#10   Reply With Quote

ADVERTISEMENT

Reply
Page 1 of 3 1 2 3

Bookmarks

« Monday, August 24th's Weekend Date Roundup! | Array | Making the First Move »
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

LinkBacks (?)
LinkBack to this Thread: http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/dating-advice/dating/25538-after-first-date-how-much-should-i-pursue.html
Posted By For Type Date
404 Not Found This thread Refback November 14th, 2009 11:00 pm

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
My date yesterday-Not exactly the best! christianlife Dating 40 October 26th, 2009 08:31 pm
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 147 October 9th, 2009 12:20 am
First Date Financial Woes . . . Vinsa81 Dating 20 May 22nd, 2009 05:55 am
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18th, 2009 10:50 am

Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“I've cancelled my account. As of Dec 3 I will no longer be a paying member. I am fed up with my quality of matches. I know they don't go by appearance however I have been matched with what I would ... ” – melcalrrt

Join the “What am I doing wrong?” discussion

“I personally do not care about income and I have seriously dated many poor men. Just thinking people should have there ducks in a row by a certain age. I have been dumped because I am successful and ... ” – bigfincat

Join the “where men are financially now” discussion

“Right, nightling. It also can't be assumed that even if the information were "more" accurate, the expert would not have reached the same conclusion. It would seem that the attorney representing the ... ” – neardc

Join the “Defamation/Libel” discussion

“You're welcome. Suzie” – 1Horselady

Join the “Is it a Lie or Not?” discussion

“Good Luck, P Y! I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!” – empress_c

Join the “My match responded!!!” discussion

“Hi, Everyone! When I first saw this, I thought it was typical: Watch the video, read the material, fill out an on line entry, end of story. So, I watched, read, and thought the entry form had ... ” – empress_c

Join the “L'Oréal's 'Find Your Fall Hair Color' Sweepstakes!” discussion

“Don't worry, you'll get your chance! If you marry a family man and have children with him, by the time you are in your forties, you will have all of the power. The older you get the more power you ... ” – neardc2

Join the “Men Have All the Power” discussion

“ Yes OP, remember you have the option of having a 'gentleman caller-friend' without getting married if the complications are too great. Fixed it for ya! OP is female.....from the great state of ... ” – j0hn8andy

Join the “Seniors have different needs” discussion



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:27 pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2009, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.3.0