Did he expect me to ask him out?


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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #1  June 6,2009, 6:09am
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So...I am starting to wonder if I've sunk to a new level of obtuseness Truth be told, I simply have trouble trusting my instincts lately...so any input/advise would be appreciated.

I met a guy on another site the week before Memorial Day, emailed about once a day, progressed to texting(several times a day) and phone calls(1/2-2 hrs 2-3 times a week) the next week and then met for coffee last Saturday(2.5hrs) and went out on out "first date" Thursday night(4hrs). We hit it off very well, have enough common interests and varied ones to keep it interesting and he appears to be (dare I say it?!) a really nice stable guy with old fashioned values (and he's proud of them)...which is exactly what I want. He's voiced his interest in me many times thru last night...so either he's genuinely interested in getting to know me better or a very adept liar.

So...
My situation: on Thursday he semi jokingly (he is the type of guy that is joking non-stop) asked me questions about whether I liked an activity, what I was doing this weekend-I said not much, and mentioned an activity that was going on. I agreed that it was an activity I enjoyed. Later that night when we were on the phone, (at his request I'd called him to let him know that I'd gotten home safely) he asked me what his chances were at getting me to go out again and I said that I could certainly be convinced ;p He said that we'd talk about it the next day. Yesterday we texted all day and into the evening (probably about 10 texts each for the day), but he never called and never mentioned the activity.

My questions:
1. Did he expect me to ask him?
2. Do guys typically get so specific about mentioning activities and ascertaining whether a female is free only not to ask her out?
3. I hate to ask this because I abhore games...but I was pretty busy last week and he mentioned that he needed to strike while he had the chance...could the problem be that I've made myself too available to him of late? Do guys really like females who are "hard to get" (sadly my experience tells me yes---but I refuse to play that game. If I am busy I am busy--and if not, not.)

Thx for listening (reading)
Last edited by Nature_Lover; June 6,2009 at 6:10am. Reason: Wouldn't you like to know :P
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #2  June 6,2009, 6:24am
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As an afterthought...for those of you who will ask why I didn't call him last night...

He texted me first, I replied and asked what he was up to as a prelude to finding out whether it would be a good time to call. He indicated that he had a friend over. I obviously did not feel comfortable calling with the knowledge that he had company...he did however indicate that he "welcomed the distraction" of my texts...so I did text 2-3 more times before saying goodnight.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #3  June 6,2009, 6:25am
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Long post but I read the whole thing.

Personally I think this guy is playing games. You have shown interest in him and also an activity that it would appear that he is also interested in. He made mention of taking you out again yet he has not acted on that. He said he would call yet has not done so.

From your post I would not consider that you did something to lead him to believe that you should ask him out. On the flip side of this I would never be adverse to my lady asking me out, either asking directly or "why don't you take me to (activity)".

It could be he is busy with work (or other matches). It could be he is a player. Or it could be he is just not that into you. In any case you should be pursuing other matches.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #4  June 6,2009, 6:36am
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I do not think you are obtuse. In answer to your questions, no I do not think he was expecting you to ask him out. I do think he was trying to find some type of activity that he knew you would enjoy and then plan a date around that.

Personally I do not like games mainly because someone tends to get hurt in the end. I think most men would perfer to have an easy time of getting dates sometimes the thrill of the chase adds spice to dating especially if you know another guy is interested in her too.

Since this guy has not contacted you, I would not close him out until I had an explanation or if I did not hear from him within the next 2 weeks. I would not just sit around waiting on him though. Good luck
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 6,2009, 6:57am
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I don't think that he expected you to ask him out or that he is playing games.

It is quite likely that something came up and he can't do whatever activity he had in mind. He is also allowed to change his mind about things. You both are just getting to know each other and really do not have any particular obligations toward each other. He might have thought the activity would have been fun and then had second thoughts about it. That does not make him a player.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #6  June 6,2009, 7:14am
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I do look for and expect my partners to step up like it’s the 21st century and do a good portion of the asking – and to be clear about what activities they like and want to do, or not do.
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #7  June 6,2009, 7:25am
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Thanks for the feedback

Gr8Guyn2008: "Personally I think this guy is playing games." I sincerely hope not...I'm about 90% sure he's genuine but sadly there's that 10% of doubt that tends to creep in. Probably due to the fact that I, and I'm sure everyone male and female at some point, have been burned in the past. It comes back to that age old dilemma: do women like nice guys---for me the answer is a resounding YES!, but sadly the problem is that 80-90% of nice guys are players in disguise so I can see why some women opt for the bad boy (at least you know up front what you are getting!) lol

angelofmerci: "I would not just sit around waiting on him though" I'll definitely not put all of my eggs into one basket!

DancingFool: "He is also allowed to change his mind about things." I completely agree that he can change his mind for whatever reason and regarding being obligated this early on? Well, I certainly agree that we've no commitments to each other, however... I think perhaps my problem is being a bit too old fashioned. I sort of think it's (not so) common courtesy that if you say you'll talk the next day to make plans, while he has every right to change his mind, get busy, make other plans instead etc...if he had time to text all day he could have texted to let me know that he needed to postpone (until a certain time or indefinitely) our plans to make plans.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #8  June 6,2009, 7:38am
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D_Lion: I do look for and expect my partners to step up like it’s the 21st century and do a good portion of the asking – and to be clear about what activities they like and want to do, or not do.

I agree completely.
Maybe. If I hadn’t seen some take-charge by the woman by a third date, I get concerned that she’s just too passive.

This was only the 1st date...we both agreed that the original "meet and greet" where we each paid for our own coffee, etc. did not count as a "date."

I doubt it. I wouldn’t have dawdled around like this.

Hmmm...guess time will tell...for now, I am assuming the hesitation is due to a slight level of insecurity that I detected beneath his non stop jokes.

Personally, as soon as I get whiff of stupid games – which is what pretending to be busy and blowing me off with excuses is – I dump someone instantly. Being true to your values and waiting for the right guy is the better strategy. I think you’re doing the right thing.

Definitely my strategy...anyone "won" over by me not being true to myself or my personality and values would not be a good long term match.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #9  June 6,2009, 8:05am
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Update: He just called and we're going out this afternoon to a local Jazz/Blues Fest. I tend to over think things We'll see what happens....

Thanks everyone for your feedback
 
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pamcam is offline pamcam Post #10  June 7,2009, 11:41am
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And we women thought men were simple. BTW, my impression was that he is a step up guy. Enjoy your afternoon together.
 
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