mrgarak is offline mrgarak Post #1  June 5,2009, 7:13pm
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Hi All,

I'm new to the board and looking for any feedback/opinions on my first E-Harmony date. I've been on a few dates with women I've known for a while and not via Dating sites.

I met my match after she responded to my profile. We went through the Guided Communication section in less than a week. After that she sent me a message with her phone number. We talked for about a week then agreed to meet for coffee.

We met and spent about an hour and 15 minutes together. We both been through long days. I was off from work, but busy all day. She was coming home from work. I think our meeting went well. I paid for both of our coffees, we talked about family, interests ranging from atheltic to the arts. I asked a few questions regarding pics on her profile because some touched memories (like being at a beach my family used to go and her biking). The discussions regarding them were nice and I shared my memories.

There were a few times we made eye contact and at times we didn't. I saw a few times she was playing with her napkin and I looked down a few times as well. There were a couple of periods where the conversation stopped, but it wasn't for long periods. We were able to pick it up again.

As we were getting ready to leave, I asked her if she had a good time and she replied along the lines of yes, thank you for coming down and treating to coffee. When we got outside, it was raining and we were parked not to close to each other. She was closer and I had to head out the other direction in the lot. She thanked me again, said we'd talk real soon and initiated a hug which I returned gently. We both went our separate ways.

When I got home, I texted her saying I really enjoyed meeting her, made it home safe and wishing her pleasant dreams. She replied with me too, sleep well. All in all, it seemed to go well.

The aftermath is something I'm not too sure about. I want to make sure my actions don't seem to pushy or not be enough. It seems to much easier to interact with someone I know already. I'm not very well versed with meeting people online.

The afternoon after I took a break from my house cleaning and called her on her cell phone. I left a message re-iterating how I really enjoyed meeting her, had a nice time and would like to see her again soon. I also said I was thinking about sometime over the weekend or early next week. Then I wished her a good day. I didn't hear back from her. She works different hours than I do so I can understand if she is busy. However, before we met she would always call or text back if she couldn't pick up the phone when I called while at work. This time I got nothing.

Later that evening, I sent her a text with a picture of one of my cats wishing her a great evening. She replied thank you, you too. That was yesterday and that was the last time we communicated.

Basically I'm not sure how long I should wait to try to follow up again. I was thinking I'd call her sometime tomorrow and if I had to leave a message, say something like I miss our talks and hope all is well. However, I think that might come off pushy and needy. I'm thinking I should give it a few more days to a week and then call if I don't hear anything.

I know there is a chance she is not interested and can accept that if it is the case. However I don't want to jump to conclusions and move on too quick. I know there could be reasons why she hasn't called me back (she did text twice) and want to be understanding.

Opinions please? Thank you.
 
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D_Lion is offline D_Lion Post #2  June 5,2009, 7:28pm
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“I miss our talks?” Definitely not the right way to go.
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #3  June 5,2009, 7:40pm
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mrgarak wrote :
I left a message re-iterating how I really enjoyed meeting her, had a nice time and would like to see her again soon. I also said I was thinking about sometime over the weekend or early next week. Then I wished her a good day. I didn't hear back from her. She works different hours than I do so I can understand if she is busy. However, before we met she would always call or text back if she couldn't pick up the phone when I called while at work. This time I got nothing.

Later that evening, I sent her a text with a picture of one of my cats wishing her a great evening. She replied thank you, you too. That was yesterday and that was the last time we communicated.

Basically I'm not sure how long I should wait to try to follow up again. I was thinking I'd call her sometime tomorrow and if I had to leave a message, say something like I miss our talks and hope all is well. However, I think that might come off pushy and needy. I'm thinking I should give it a few more days to a week and then call if I don't hear anything.

I know there is a chance she is not interested and can accept that if it is the case. However I don't want to jump to conclusions and move on too quick. I know there could be reasons why she hasn't called me back (she did text twice) and want to be understanding.

Opinions please? Thank you.
I'm sorry, but I think you have your answer. You already indicated that you would like to see her again, yet she has not picked up the phone.

Do not call her again.

Her responses, via text, have been polite, but that's it. If she was really interested in a 2nd date, she would have let you know.

Unfortunately, these things happen. Chalk it up to experience, and move on to the next match.

Best of luck, and welcome to the boards!
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #4  June 6,2009, 4:28am
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Since you left her a message and a text both yesterday, and she hasn't replied, I wouldn't try again today - seems too soon. I would wait a few days. If you don't hear from her, I think she was just being polite with her responses to your texts previously. If you do call her in a few days, suggest a concrete date (time/activity)- not something ambiguous like "maybe this weekend" and see what kind of reaction you get. Someday you're going to have a first date that not only isn't awkward - you can't bear to see it end - and you're making plans before you part. That's what you need to hold out for.

P.S. I think you should have walked her all the way to her car, even if your car was the other direction lol.
 
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mrgarak is offline mrgarak Post #5  June 6,2009, 5:16am
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Thank you for your replies. Everything said has merit.

D_Lion - I felt the miss our talks sounded tacky when I thought of it and thank you for keeping me thinking so.

When_I_See_You_Smile - Thank you for the welcome and you are probably right.

chibrook - In reflection, I agree I should have walked her to her car. It was raining pretty bad and I would have gotten soaked, but what the heck. The heat in my car works good. Next time, I will bring protection, I mean an umbrella, LOL!

I've spoken with a friend who did the online method and said don't give up too soon. There could be other reasons as to why I haven't spoken to her again in the few days since our meeting. She could be shy, unsure of what she wants, meeting other people as well or busy. In addition, I've also seen other opinions of calling too much in the beginning could make someone appear needy and scare them away. I guess it all depends on the individual.

I have noticed that she hasn't closed our me off as a match yet. Maybe it's because she has been busy and hasn't had time to get online. If I had seen the match closed, I would have considered it a closed case. That with so little communication in the past few days would have told me where I stood.

My plan is to wait until after the weekend and I'll try calling again. If I don't get a response and the match is still open, I may send a message telling her I wish her well and being fine with closing the match. I may even suggest we could be friends because I thought she was a nice woman. She wouldn't be the first one I had a not so sparkling first date and became friends with. If I don't hear anything, then regardless I hope she finds happiness.

Who knows, by then I may be on the verge of meeting someone else. I've been going through the Guided Communication with someone else and been looking at other matches. In addition, I do a lot of athletic events and have been meeting a few people. I have one planned for next Friday - a cross country race.

Thank you all again for taking the time to reply to my post. I really appreciate it. Have a great weekend and I will let you know if anything develops.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 6,2009, 6:13am
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When_I_See_You_Smile wrote :
I'm sorry, but I think you have your answer. You already indicated that you would like to see her again, yet she has not picked up the phone.

Do not call her again.

Her responses, via text, have been polite, but that's it. If she was really interested in a 2nd date, she would have let you know.

Unfortunately, these things happen. Chalk it up to experience, and move on to the next match.

Best of luck, and welcome to the boards!
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