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sc4me sc4me is offline
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sc4me Tomorrow never comes; by the time it gets here it is today.

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sabete2002 wrote :
sc$me, you are meeting her for the first time. While it is important that this is in the back of your mind, try not to project an outcome. Enjoy the date and see what happens from that point on. Hopefully, things go well and you both want to see each other again. And again... But take it a step at a time. You'll know when the time is right to tell her about your situation.
Good advice. Thanks.
- June 6th, 2009, 04:47 pm
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singinggirl singinggirl is offline
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bigfincat wrote :
I would say that you should absolutely not tell someone that. If things happen to progress to a point where you are spending the night with each other frequently then that info will be apparent naturally. At that point you should not do anything out of the ordinary to try to hide what you are taking & why.
I think bigfincat nailed this one. I also take medicine for depression & have for the better part of 7 years. My bf had expressed to me early on that he thought most people could cure most of what's wrong with them if they would just exercise right. Eventually, I let him know that I needed my medication in order to 'be me.' He got to know me first and was able to see the real me, the person I used to be before I began to suffer from depression continiune (thanks to drugs!). Although he's still not crazy about the idea that I take meds everyday, he understands.

Good luck!
Last edited by eharmonyadvice; July 2nd, 2009 at 05:21 pm.
- June 6th, 2009, 08:59 pm
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MommyGetCoffee MommyGetCoffee is offline
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Hi, sc4me --
I was thinking about your dilemma (when to tell). Would it help to imagine when you would tell if it was something like an acute medical illness/episode that is well-managed with medications to prevent recurrence or reduce severity? That is, what if it was high blood pressure with a mild stroke in your past? When would you tell that?

When you realize that you'd be telling your lady friend about an illness like that, that would be when to tell about your depression.

In terms of what to tell, I'd keep it simple and focus on all the ways you are successful managing it (monitoring by your practitioner, effective meds, exercise, meditation/prayer, or whatever other strategies you combine to stay on track with your mood).

I've got a skeleton or two in my closet and have started a thread some time back about when to tell. The advice was essentially the same, even though mine's not about a medical problem.

Anyway, enjoy yourself and your date and, as my mom likes to remind me, "don't borrow trouble from the future. . . ."

Best wishes to you.
- June 7th, 2009, 12:13 am
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pinknblackpoet pinknblackpoet is offline
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If you are just exchanging e-mails and talking over the phone I wouldn't worry about it, now if you are actually seeing the person I would let them know.

But I do agree with mommygetcoffee
Because honestly, if you were suicidally depressed or if you have had episodes of mania alternating with your depression, I would certainly want to know this information before I got too attached.


Although I do struggle with a similar problem I don't have depression I have panic anxiety and I have panic attacks alot. And only tell people when I feel really comfortable some of my family does not know that I have it. But if I would start to get close to someone I feel that I would have to tell them. So they know what is going because when I have an attack it alters my life and I am not the same person. And if I really liked them I wouldn't want them to think that I am brushing them off or letting them down.
- June 7th, 2009, 03:31 am
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sc4me sc4me is offline
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singinggirl wrote :
I think bigfincat nailed this one. I also take medicine for depression & have for the better part of 7 years. My bf had expressed to me early on that he thought most people could cure most of what's wrong with them if they would just exercise right. Eventually, I let him know that I needed my medication in order to 'be me.' He got to know me first and was able to see the real me, the person I used to be before I began to suffer from depression (thanks to drugs!). Although he's still not crazy about the idea that I take meds everyday, he understands.

Good luck!
I missed that post. (thought I had read them all) That and sabete's post make the most sense. If you are staying together she/he is going to see you take the meds so it will come out. Do I have to tell someone I am dating I take meds for high cholesterol or high blood pressure? How about insulin shots?

The bigger deal you make out of it the bigger deal it becomes.

Funny thing is, this particular person admitted to me last night on the phone that she had an episode with depression a couple of years ago. So there you go.
- June 7th, 2009, 05:42 am
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sc4me sc4me is offline
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pinknblackpoet wrote :
If you are just exchanging e-mails and talking over the phone I wouldn't worry about it, now if you are actually seeing the person I would let them know.

But I do agree with mommygetcoffee
Because honestly, if you were suicidally depressed or if you have had episodes of mania alternating with your depression, I would certainly want to know this information before I got too attached.


Although I do struggle with a similar problem I don't have depression I have panic anxiety and I have panic attacks alot. And only tell people when I feel really comfortable some of my family does not know that I have it. But if I would start to get close to someone I feel that I would have to tell them. So they know what is going because when I have an attack it alters my life and I am not the same person. And if I really liked them I wouldn't want them to think that I am brushing them off or letting them down.
I can see that. If they care about you they will be there for you and understand. There are way too many misconceptions out there about both of these illnesses. That is the real battle in relationships; not the illness itself. (BTW, I have had one panic attack and mild anxiety disorder, but it is related to specific events or triggers. I know what they are and I just avoid them.)

Cognitive therapy (retraining your beliefs about a situation) is VERY helpful. Changing the situation which causes the anxiety is also helpful. Ultimately you have to get at the source of the anxiety or depression -- which is usually fear and anger.

Thanks for your post.
- June 7th, 2009, 05:51 am
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sc4me sc4me is offline
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MommyGetCoffee wrote :
Hi, sc4me --
I was thinking about your dilemma (when to tell). Would it help to imagine when you would tell if it was something like an acute medical illness/episode that is well-managed with medications to prevent recurrence or reduce severity? That is, what if it was high blood pressure with a mild stroke in your past? When would you tell that?

When you realize that you'd be telling your lady friend about an illness like that, that would be when to tell about your depression.

In terms of what to tell, I'd keep it simple and focus on all the ways you are successful managing it (monitoring by your practitioner, effective meds, exercise, meditation/prayer, or whatever other strategies you combine to stay on track with your mood).

I've got a skeleton or two in my closet and have started a thread some time back about when to tell. The advice was essentially the same, even though mine's not about a medical problem.

Anyway, enjoy yourself and your date and, as my mom likes to remind me, "don't borrow trouble from the future. . . ."

Best wishes to you.
Yes. And to put myself in the other person's shoes as well. When would I want to know?

Sure, there is the risk they may not want to continue the relationship, but they are entitled to make that decision for themselves.

I dislike the judgment that usually goes along with that, and when I encounter it I usually walk away. I can neither control what other people think or do nor change it. (But I can and will defend myself if attacked.)
- June 7th, 2009, 06:01 am
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This is an interesting thread to me bc I have struggled with mild depression occasionally related to perimenopausal hormones the past 2 yrs and it is not at all what I thought depression was....it is tough but treatable if you get help......I may have a few off days but then I go to the DR and get my alternative meds to help and I get better....anyone who loves me and understand this is temporary and treatable and i need support to get through it and that their affection and concern help might even help it not be so bad.....so yes, at a certain point you should tell after the date sees who you really are....HOWEVER, on the other side.....I fell in love with a great man after dating 6 months long distance and he never told me he had Bipolar disorder until he had a very bad episode and basically broke up with me right after.....before I had a chance to end it myself..... bc I knew I could not handle the extreme change in his personality.....he was an entirely different and bad person.....I really would have appreciated not having to get a broken heart if he had told me much earlier!!!1
- June 7th, 2009, 08:17 pm
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sc4me wrote :
Agree with everything but the last paragraph.

That is precisely the stigma to which I was referring. If I had pneumonia and were on leave would it matter to you? It is only when we add the word "mental" that it becomes stigmatized.

During my time off I have moved myself to another apartment, (had been planned way in advance) rented a truck, lined up people to help, completed all the paperwork, negotiated and signed the lease, changed my address, requested information about pursuing a graduate degree in another field so that I can change jobs to relieve some of the stress, attended classes as well as meet with my doctors as scheduled.

That is most assuredly "fully functioning" don't you think?
No, I don't, and it doesn't matter if he/she is incapable of working due to physical or mental illness. Work-life is a huge part of a person's life between early-20's to mid-60's (could even be earlier and/or later). Some people will be concerned about income vs. debt. Some people, and I'm surprised it hasn't already come up in conversation, will ask, "So, what you do?"... Most assuredly the next question will be some form of "Why not?"
- June 9th, 2009, 05:28 pm
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I feel your pain man...indeed. I have struggled with bipolar II depression and anxiety and under treatment since 1993. Your s/o is bound to see you take your meds at one time or another. But I agree with many....and that is just *wait* until you are in a comfortable relationship. It's pretty much worked out best for me this way. Best wishes.
- June 9th, 2009, 06:05 pm
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