Are you single with a child under 12?


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eharmonyadvice is offline eharmonyadvice — Advice Official Moderator Post #1  December 12,2007, 4:45pm

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Nearly 30 percent of eHarmony users are single parents with children in the home. If you are the parent of young children, we want to hear how you talk to your kids about dating.

When do you introduce someone you are dating to your kids? How do you think your single status affects them? How do you balance your need for companionship with your role as a parent?

We want to hear your answers to these questions and any words of wisdom you want to share now.
 
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captainbackfire is offline captainbackfire Post #2  December 13,2007, 9:23am
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I am a single father to a 5 year old boy and have debated this notion internally for some time now. I have yet to really get to the point of introducing him to anyone and don't take the idea lightly. My primary concern is to not have people coming in and out of his life, thereby creating instability for him. I was hoping to get thoughts from others, because, while this hasn't happened for me yet it will eventually!
 
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Tracyb is offline Tracyb Post #3  December 15,2007, 1:50pm
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I am currently dating someone who is a single father to two beautiful daughters aged 8 and 10. and did not meet them until we had dated until for nearly 3 months. He had many of the same concerns about having them get attached to someone too early in the relationship and causing problems for them. I always left the decision up to him as to when and how we would end up meeting and how much time the four of us end up spending together. We finally met for dinner one night and usually I have dinner with them once a week and we watch a movie afterwards. The girls are still a little shy around me but as long as they get to sit next to dad during the movie everything is ok.
 
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Tom98023 is offline Tom98023 Post #4  December 17,2007, 5:24am
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My two girls, ages 3 and 6, get attached very quickly to females in their lives that get close to them, are caregivers, or are known in a family-type context. I dated one woman for a couple months, and we went to a kid's science museum together, and it was great, then we went to the beach together the next week, and by the time we got home, they were ready to have her move in! I have to be careful. Not only is it unfair to them to let them get attached to a mother figure that might not be around, but it's too much pressure to put on a budding relationship. All of a sudden, there is much more at stake in ending the relationship. Ultimately, my ideal mate would become part of my family, but I think I will wait to introduce my girls to her until we are more or less committed to each other. that might be hard to stick to, so we'll see, but I have to take care of my girls first. Most women that I am attracted to find putting my children first attractive in me.
 
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ccmiami is offline ccmiami Post #5  December 17,2007, 12:56pm
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I have two sons, ages 8 and 10. I need to feel that I am in a committed relationship before I introduce someone to my children. I would hate for my sons to have people come in and out of their lives unnecessarily. At the same time, if I see a longterm potential (which has occurred twice in the six years that I have been divorced)... I think it's important, and fun, to have all the important males in my life get to know eachother. Unfortunately, my two long-term relationships ended, but I do not regret my decision to introduce my children. They are part of the package.
 
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PeskyPixie is offline PeskyPixie Post #6  December 17,2007, 5:18pm
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I notice the replies are parents of not-too-young children. Anyone out there dating who has a toddler? I am sooooo curious to know if it is even possible to leave the Teletubbies behind and returning to the dating world!
 
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eliz is offline eliz Post #7  December 18,2007, 1:46am
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I feel that I would really have to wait until it was serious. My kids (4 and 8) would have a hard time with it.
 
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Truart is offline Truart Post #8  December 20,2007, 7:25am
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Peskypixie, I have a 7 year old son and have not dated in quite a while due to my concern of possible negative effects it would have on him. However, I now think if I had started dating earlier in his life there would be less stress and less expectations on the outcome of the possible relationship for him. I he really wants me to get married and says so regularly. I think yo are in a good place right now to get started. Your child is still young enough not to put too much expectations on the relationship and be able to adjust better if the relationship fails. Defiantly do be selective about who you introduce your child to, but get back on that horse.
 
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lovin_life72 is offline lovin_life72 Post #9  December 20,2007, 7:47am
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I am a mother of a 14 year old girl and 10 year old boy. Just entered the dating arena after a 17 year relationship with their father. I refuse to introduce them to any of the guys that I've been dating..nothing is serious as of yet. I have told both of them that I am dating and meeting guys. We discuss it in a lively manner, and I keep it light, only because right now that's what dating is for me. When I do get serious..I'm thinking 6 months or so with someone who feels real to me...I will introduce my children to him. Its a scary endeavor and one I'm still not quite sure about...but that is my game plan. Whether or not it helps who ever reads this..hard tellin, not knowin.
 
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lovelyimages is offline lovelyimages Post #10  December 21,2007, 9:29am
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I have two children, ages 11 and 12. My policy has been to NOT introduce my children to the gentlemen I date as I did not want them to become attached and/or if it did not work out to have to explain why they were not around anymore. I recently dated a wonderful gentleman that swept me off my feet quickly. He asked for exclusivity which I happily gave and began discussing a long-term future. I broke my rule and introduced my children to him. They fell in love with him as I did. We began doing things like a "family" and spending alot of time together. Now, he has abruptly ended the relationship with little explanation. I truly wish I had not gotten my children involved as they are asking to see him and miss him as much as I do. He lived in another part of my state so at least distance can be used as the reason to my children. Don't know how I will handle this next time...I'm a bit jaded to say the least.
 
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