Are men really looking for serious?


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Mikey53 is offline Mikey53 Post #1  June 5,2009, 6:16am
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I have been divorced nearly 2 yrs. I'm 55, have been on and still on several dating sites and met some very nice guys. At this time in my life, I am not yet looking for a serious relationship. I am enjoying myself. Don't get me wrong, if someone comes along that I think could be him, I would go for it. Some dates have been only once. Some have been 3 or 4 dates with the same guy. I tend to let these men know I am not yet looking for a serious relationship and have had 2 men tell me that because of this, they didn't want to see me anymore. I recently had a date with someone, who several times during the date, said this is a really good date. And it was. Actually, he was the first man that I was very interested in. He called me once after the date, and has never called again. I have tried to contact him through email wondering why, since it was such a good date. No response.......If he decided I wasn't for him, why wouldn't he have the courtesy to just say that. Yes, I had also said to him, I wasn't looking for a serious relationship.
Should I just not be saying that?????? I always thought that would be a guys dream girl....someone that doesn't want to get serious, at least not right away...
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #2  June 5,2009, 8:10am

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why should a guy waste his time and money on someone who doesn't plan on sticking around?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #3  June 5,2009, 8:14am
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The whole purpose of dating for people is to eventually find a mate that you want to be with, yes even the players are looking for the same. It does not really matter if you are talking about marriage or long term companionship, as humans we are social animals and want to be with someone. What you are telling those men is that you are not interested and they are just wasting time and effort on you, i.e. you are going to use them and lose them. Why would anyone want that?
 
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Quendy is offline Quendy Post #4  June 5,2009, 8:45am
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My experience has been that every man is not looking for something serious! I have been divorced for 10 years now. The vast majority of men I have dated have not wanted a serious relationship. They want a friends with benefits kind of thing. So yes, I would imagine you are every man's dream! Maybe the mistake is telling them what they want to hear. You're telling them that you want something that they aren't used to hearing and its scaring them off. I'd say just don't tell them anything at all. Why bring it up? If they aren't asking, why tell them? If they do ask, just tell them you aren't sure yet what you want, because seriously, I think you'll run off more men by telling them you want to be in a committed relationship than you will by just sitting mum and saying nothing at all.

Give them the mystery they crave. Say nothing at all and just enjoy on a date by date basis.
 
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BobinFla is offline BobinFla Post #5  June 5,2009, 9:17am
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I am a guy that is looking for something to turn serious. If someone tells me that do not want to get serious, why should I stick around when I can devote my efforts to someone I need.

Don't lie, from what you have said, you are open if the right one comes along, don't shoot your chances in the foot.
 
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4getmenot is offline 4getmenot Post #6  June 5,2009, 9:19am

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txbubba wrote :
why should a guy waste his time and money on someone who doesn't plan on sticking around?
Exactly! He would be crazy to do so!

YES, I'm thinking MEN are looking for "serious" like most of US women. Why are you telling them this? I'm going to drop someone in an instant if he tells me he is just out on a date for FUN and not to really find someone to form a relationship with. I imagine that if HE wants to find someone to have FUN with he can find it at a bar or party or club.

Also, if this is what you are doing just DATING around and not looking for "serious" why is it that it is bothering you that this one person is not returning your emails or phone calls? Why is it that it is bothering you that other dates have dropped you? That is what you are shooting for...

I would take it date by date. Not telling them straight out that they are only for FUN but also NOT leading them on.

Good luck.
 
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Skyking6976 is offline Skyking6976 Post #7  June 5,2009, 4:00pm
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Not sure the age of the guys you are seeing. When you say you are not looking for a serious relationship do you tell them or at least let the guy know you would be okay with a good roll in the hay or FWB?

If you do most guys will go for that. Besides most guys believe once you've had them you could never want to be with anyone else so you'll have to get serious. Crazy I know.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  June 5,2009, 4:13pm
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Why not define an ambiguous term like “serious?”
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AsianFusion is offline AsianFusion Post #9  June 5,2009, 4:22pm
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That would make you a "serial dater" which most people try to avoid.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #10  June 5,2009, 4:33pm
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In my experience as many men are seeking a serious relationship as there are those who want something casual. The guy poofed. It happens a lot but he may have been wanting something more than you. Chalk it up to experience. You shouldn't have any trouble finding someone who wants the same as you.
 
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