Help! Emailing with a match -- he hasn't asked for my phone or a date


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MommyGetCoffee is offline MommyGetCoffee Post #1  June 4,2009, 9:18pm
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has a date next Saturday night! Thanks, eHa!

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Advice, please!
I went through the eHa guided communication process with a gentleman (and he does seem to be a quality man). We got to open communication and exchanged email addresses. We have been emailing back and forth for a little over a week. I count 7 exchanges total in about 10 days. He has not asked for my phone number nor invited me on a date, but the dialogue has gone swimmingly -- totally appropriate, no red flags, getting to know you kind of stuff.

We're both parents with young-ish kids at home, and both want to find a quality love/marriage potential relationship. I am veeeeery interested in this man. What's up that he's not asking to talk on the phone or get together? BTW, we live about 70 miles apart, so with the kids and "real life" stuff, that will make a bit of a logistical challenge. . . .

Is there any hope here?

Gentlemen, should I be a little "forward" and ask for his phone? I'm thinking it should come from him. . . . .
Last edited by MommyGetCoffee; June 4,2009 at 9:52pm.
 
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SoOverIt is offline SoOverIt Post #2  June 5,2009, 2:38am
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Sorry, but is there a timeframe on these things? Do you perhaps have a pressing engagement and that is why you need a hurry along with this? I emailed my previous partner for 3 months before we ever went on a date. Settle down and give it some time.

Perhaps he's taking his time in case you are desperate and want to rush into a relationship...
Last edited by SoOverIt; June 5,2009 at 2:42am. Reason: coz
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #3  June 5,2009, 3:18am
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After 2 or 3 e-mails, if they had not done so by then, I would offer them my phone number. I personally think it's important to get off the e-mailing and to the phone as quickly as possible if you're really going to get to know someone. You have to see if you're going to "click" on the phone before you know if you want to go on a date with this person. There are people out there who think they want to date until it comes to where the possibility is right there - and then they realize they just wanted to "see what's out there" and have endless conversations it seems. And I strongly believe you can't "know" a person is right for you just through e-mails - you have to meet and for me, it was the sooner the better.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  June 5,2009, 3:47am
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Not all men are going to be quick at asking you for personal information or to meet. If you feel comfortable sharing that information with him, then there is nothing wrong with you suggesting that you exchange phone numbers or that the two of you perhaps should consider meeting. If you don't want to ask him directly, you can always say something like "I wonder if you would be interested in talking on the phone or meeting." If he ignores that, then perhaps he is not ready to do that with you. Most men will take the nudge and arrange a date.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #5  June 5,2009, 4:28am
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I recently had a guy initiate contact with me through a different site after my profile had been inactive there for awhile, we traded a few emails, I sent some pictures (had removed them since I was inactive there), continued to email and he'd made mention several times about his interest... but hadn't asked for my number, or offered his, nor had he specifically suggested meeting at any given point, but had hinted about it.

In my next email to him, I gave him my number and said I'd like for him to call me.

It's been awhile now and I hadn't heard back, so I chalk that one off as... ohwell, not interested for whatever reason. I received a different email from someone on the site and noticed the first guy had checked my profile, and the opening of his was different.

He had added a "Note*: if you're pushy enough to give me your # w/out me asking I won't be calling you"

Moral of the story - you never know, regardless of how interested someone *seems* to be, how they will or won't react to something so completely benign as passing along a phone number, just as you don't know their reasons for waiting to ask or offer.

If you feel comfortable at this point sharing yours or asking for his, and moving your communication with him to the next step, then go right ahead and do that! Your other options are to wait until he decides to ask or offer OR to drop hints that you'd like him to. (personally, I'm an option A kinda girl)

Be prepared though, some people, for whatever reason, are very content keeping things as they are (confined to email/IM), or taking a year and a day to move forward from that. Seems you'd like to move things along here, so, you may just have to be the one to give it a nudge.

Good luck!
 
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MommyGetCoffee is offline MommyGetCoffee Post #6  June 5,2009, 6:55am
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has a date next Saturday night! Thanks, eHa!

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SoOverIt wrote :
Perhaps he's taking his time in case you are desperate and want to rush into a relationship...
I'm not "desperate," but I joined eHa because I'm looking for someone to **date,** not because I want a penpal or buddy. I mean, I have friends, work, a life. . . .

It just seems odd, since that's what he said he was after as well.

But you're right that there's no timeframe and I could chill down a bit. It's the excitement turning into "what's going on" anxiety. . . .
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #7  June 5,2009, 8:13am
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I kinda agree with the OP's take on this. A guy should really be asking for her number after a fair number of email exchanges...if he's interested. Otherwise all you have is a pen pal.

But there's also the time factor, not just the number of emails. So in this case, if you've only exchanged numerous emails over a week, then give him another week to ask for your number. Then at that point, you can ask him to call you.

Now if the guy thinks that is pushy, then he's not comfortable with a woman taking initiative...so you probably don't want to date a guy like that...cause that sounds like insecurity to me.

Good luck.
 
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4getmenot is offline 4getmenot Post #8  June 5,2009, 8:45am

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MommyGetCoffee wrote :
Advice, please!
I went through the eHa guided communication process with a gentleman (and he does seem to be a quality man). We got to open communication and exchanged email addresses. We have been emailing back and forth for a little over a week. I count 7 exchanges total in about 10 days. He has not asked for my phone number nor invited me on a date, but the dialogue has gone swimmingly -- totally appropriate, no red flags, getting to know you kind of stuff.

We're both parents with young-ish kids at home, and both want to find a quality love/marriage potential relationship. I am veeeeery interested in this man. What's up that he's not asking to talk on the phone or get together? BTW, we live about 70 miles apart, so with the kids and "real life" stuff, that will make a bit of a logistical challenge. . . .

Is there any hope here?

Gentlemen, should I be a little "forward" and ask for his phone? I'm thinking it should come from him. . . . .
If this is going sooooo well and you are very interested (sounds like he is too) WHY have you not asked?? WHY is it that you think it should come from HIM?

The way I was raised, YES, definitely it should come from him BUT the way I think now is.....WHY? It makes no sense. If you are interested the gender does NOT matter. What so you have to lose?? Nothing, wouldn't you rather ask then wonder or keep wasting your time if he really is NOT interested??

Maybe he wants to take things way slower or maybe he is wondering the same thing you are now. Try to bring it up a phone converstaion on one of your e-mails. See what response you get. Once you are talking on the phone maybe he will take the next step.

Good luck.
Last edited by 4getmenot; June 5,2009 at 8:50am.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  June 5,2009, 9:17am
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4getmenot wrote :
If this is going sooooo well and you are very interested (sounds like he is too) WHY have you not asked?? WHY is it that you think it should come from HIM?

The way I was raised, YES, definitely it should come from him BUT the way I think now is.....WHY? It makes no sense. If you are interested the gender does NOT matter. What so you have to lose?? Nothing, wouldn't you rather ask then wonder or keep wasting your time if he really is NOT interested??

Maybe he wants to take things way slower or maybe he is wondering the same thing you are now. Try to bring it up a phone converstaion on one of your e-mails. See what response you get. Once you are talking on the phone maybe he will take the next step.

Good luck.
100% agreed. Think of it this way as well: Are you looking for something serious? Perhaps he is too. You don't just jump into these things.
 
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tweet37 is offline tweet37 Post #10  June 5,2009, 9:43am
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The OP is not showing up on my screen so I can't pull down any quotes, but...

He's probably been reading too many advice articles about women wanting to take things slow. So why don't you ask him his phone number and at the same time offer yours and ask him to call you?
 
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