Do I tell my dates I used to be very overweight, or not???


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HalfDaWoman is offline HalfDaWoman Post #1  June 4,2009, 5:49pm
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Hi, I have read these forums for a while but this is my first time making a post here. Two years ago I was divorced and since that time I have really really focused on me, I went back to school and got my degree and most of all I lost over 150lbs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
I have never been happier in my life or felt better about myself and only now, do I feel ready to start dating.

My question to all of you, is do I tell my dates that I used to be very big? I am not sure if they would be impressed or if they would be horrified that maybe I would go back to the way I was which I never would.

I am lucky because my body held up pretty well, I have some stretch marks and some things are saggier than they used to be (hee!!!!) but hey I also have two kids so that happens, right? I don't have like loose skin hanging or anything like on reality tv - I look pretty good with no clothes on if I do say so myself. :-)

Please let me know your opnions on this. Thank you for your advice.
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #2  June 4,2009, 7:19pm
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HalfDaWoman,

First, congratulations on achieving those personal and professional goals. You should truly be very proud of yourself.

I wouldn't mention the weight loss unless it comes up naturally in conversation. You could bring it up voluntarily, but why? You may run across a guy who (maybe foolishly) thinks, "Well if she carried an extra 150 pounds before, she could put it back on again." Not saying that would happen, but you just never know. I would just keep that to yourself until such time it is appropriate to discuss it.

Welcome to the discussion boards.
Last edited by tbesq; June 4,2009 at 7:53pm.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #3  June 4,2009, 7:21pm
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Congratulations! What an awesome accomplishment! Oh, and welcome to the boards.

No, I don't think you need to share this information. You look great, and you feel good about your new body! Concentrate on getting to know your new matches, and letting them get to know you.

Now, once you actually get into a relationship, you may feel like sharing. Hopefully, your new guy will understand, and continue to support you as you work to stay in shape.

Best of luck to you!

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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  June 4,2009, 7:40pm
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Congratulations on the weight loss, I would be happy to lose just half that. As for telling your date, there is no reason to. They are dating you NOW not you 150lbs ago. On the other hand, would you want to be with someone who you mentioned the weight loss and the fact that you used to be a bigger person and who got turned off by that?
 
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MommyGetCoffee is offline MommyGetCoffee Post #5  June 4,2009, 9:23pm
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I think that's not something you need to share with a casual date or someone you're not sure about. Once you're sure you're serious about someone, maybe it's worth sharing, as mentioned above, to see if this person is prejudiced against larger folks. Also, at some point, if they become a big part of your life, they're going to see photos, talk to old friends/family, etc. Somehow they'd probably find out, and wouldn't you rather it be from you?

I have a couple of skeletons in my closet, and I figure it's better they hear from me than find out some other way and wonder why I didn't trust them/tell them. KWIM?

Congratulations on your new life!
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #6  June 5,2009, 12:10am
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You don't have to reveal it right away, but I think you should be prideful of the accomplishment, rather than ashamed of the past.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #7  June 5,2009, 4:43am
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Welcome to the boards and congratulations on your accomplishments!

If there is relevance (to the conversation & depending upon the person, circumstances) to mention the weight loss, then I'd say yes, discussion on it would be appropriate.

If the subject doesn't come up in some way naturally, then it's not something you need to mention in a "there is something I need to tell you" kind of way.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 5,2009, 5:01am
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I don't think that it is necessary that you bring this up. However if the subject comes up you should be truthful.

What is going to happen if he meets your family or friends or sees a photo of you from the past with your kids?
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #9  June 5,2009, 5:35am
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Wow! Way to go! That is so awesome! I agree that you only need to share that (casually) once you're serious with someone - before they see an old picture or hear of it from friends or family. I know of one person that lost that much weight - and it really did change them at the very core. This truly is the NEW you! Congrats!
 
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notyertypical is offline notyertypical Post #10  June 5,2009, 9:26am
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How wonderful that you have a new,healthy and happy life! It's really up to you if you talk about your past weight problem.There's nothing to be ashamed of,in fact,there's every reason to be proud-but still it is a very personal matter and need not be shared if it makes you un-comfortable.Would people agonize about telling a new date about having their appendix out or some other private detail? I don't think so.This culture has become so obsessed with weight that it (forgive the pun) weighs heavier than it should on our minds.I say: relax and enjoy your new life.What you reveal over time as you get to know people is your business.
 
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