blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #1  June 4,2009, 11:11am
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I'm on another dating site where one of the fill-in areas is your living situation - live alone, with roommates, with kids, etc.

I've been really surprised by the number of men that list that they still live at home with their parents. (Maybe this is true with the women too -- but I can only speak for my matches, which are men.) I know it's not unusual to move back home for awhile after college or while starting your career to save up...but these are not men in their early 20s --we're talking early to mid-30's!

Is this common? Would this be a turn-off for you? I'm just curious of others opinions. For me, it's not about money so much as independence. I lived on a very small salary when I was younger, but still thought it was important to stand on my own two feet.

And I know there may be extenuating circumstances in some cases (caring for ailing parents, etc.) -- but whether we like it or not, online dating is about "marketing" yourself ... and I can't imagine this going over well with most dating prospects. Maybe I'm wrong...
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #2  June 4,2009, 11:19am
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For me it depends on the situation. If you're caring for a sick family member or your financial situation leaves no other option, I'll take that into account. It's not an immediate turn off.

But...if you are just staying at home because you are scared to be independent or to lazy to move on with your life...later.

After my divorce I lived with my parents for awhile until I could afford to go out on my own. I've been on my own for 5 years now...and I do love my parents...but I like my independence to much.

I dated a guy who lived with his parents, before moving in with me. When he did, I felt like a parent. He had no ambition to do anything on his own. It didn't last long.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  June 4,2009, 11:21am
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I definitely see this as a red flag....I would not close a match based on this information, but I would need to know what the circumstances are for this living arrangement.

The fact that someone might move back in with a parent to care for them is something that I admire, but also something I think needs careful consideration. If that situation is going to be permanent, I would have to consider how I get along with mom or dad too since they are going to be in the picture and could be a toxic factor in a relationship.

My ex-mother-in-law is a wonderful lady and I would have no problem if it was someone like her....but I could stand maybe a weekend around my sister's mother-in-law because of her fervent religious beliefs and her need to impose the on others.

If he moved back into the childhood home to be taken care of like a child, with his mommy to do his laundry, cook and clean for him, I would not want to pursue a relationship.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #4  June 4,2009, 11:34am
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Well....some of it may be ethnic and cultural. For instance Indian children will often live with their parents until the day they get married.

Some of it may be that since people are having kids later and later in life, a 30+ year old guy can have parents who are now old and require care.

It would not be an automatic turn off for me but rather something I'd need to find out more about. In other words I would not automatically presume that the guy is a loser who is still living in his parent's basement.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  June 4,2009, 1:17pm
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In my opinion it is harsh to close matches for living with parents.

I have had about half my female partners lived with her parents all of part of the time I dated them, and it did not pose a problem (though I had my own place.) If anything, I think it was an advantage. So long as she had a good relationship with her family, I had no downside from these.
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #6  June 4,2009, 4:01pm
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It may raise an eyebrow but I would not consider it a red flag without delving into the reason. I have had friends who had been living in another town and moved back home after divorce while they searched for a job and came to grips with their new life situation. This would be understandable.

If the person is living at home because they just have never moved out then this would be a big red flag.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #7  June 4,2009, 5:02pm
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I agree with some of the others that I would have to know the circumstances before making a decision. I know I have found myself living at home for a short time until I found another job then I moved into the YMCA and later into a really cheap apartment and finally into a good apartment. I know how to live super cheap but when you do not have money coming in even that does not help.

If I found someone living with their parents, they had a decent to good job and were not contributing to household expenses then I definitely would be bailing out.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #8  June 4,2009, 5:21pm
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I think it really depends on the situation. I have a friend that lives with his elderly aunt. He is 32, they share the rent in a two bedroom apartment. Perhaps not the ideal situation if he plans on bringing women home but it certainly works for him and his aunt. I currently live on a ranch where I work for a non-profit. I have a roommate who owns the house but he pays rent to the owner of the land and she doesn't allow women here overnight, so in my current situation I couldn't bring women home either (unless she was planning to leave).
 
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HalfDaWoman is offline HalfDaWoman Post #9  June 5,2009, 10:29am
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Oh, I agree, don't discount someone who lives "at home", my former brother in law is wonderful person and he lives in the house he grew up in, now he is 46, and he is caring for his sick (cancer) father. He is very lucky because his job, he is a contractor for a software company, lets him stay with his father almost all the time. He has had some dates though so it seems like some women are OK with this.

Now if it's a man who lives with mommy and daddy to save on rent it might be another story but I did read a story not long ago about the economy forcing a lot of adults to move back into their childhood home so even that might not be such a negative thing. I guess take it on a case by case basis.
 
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SoOverIt is offline SoOverIt Post #10  June 5,2009, 3:40pm
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blrdancer wrote :
I'm on another dating site where one of the fill-in areas is your living situation - live alone, with roommates, with kids, etc.

I've been really surprised by the number of men that list that they still live at home with their parents. (Maybe this is true with the women too -- but I can only speak for my matches, which are men.) I know it's not unusual to move back home for awhile after college or while starting your career to save up...but these are not men in their early 20s --we're talking early to mid-30's!

Is this common? Would this be a turn-off for you? I'm just curious of others opinions. For me, it's not about money so much as independence. I lived on a very small salary when I was younger, but still thought it was important to stand on my own two feet.

And I know there may be extenuating circumstances in some cases (caring for ailing parents, etc.) -- but whether we like it or not, online dating is about "marketing" yourself ... and I can't imagine this going over well with most dating prospects. Maybe I'm wrong...
This is one of my BIG RED FLAGS. Men who are not living independantly by this age or later tell me several things....

They may be irrationally attached to their mother. Any kind of relationship with a man still holding onto apron strings will be sheer hell for you. As he sees you as the enemy and his mother as the saint.

They may have no sense of personal responsibility, and if they haven't got it by 30. They never will. They are living at home because it's an easy life and they can spend all their wages on cars and alcohol. They rarely clean up after themselves and often they won't even have a full time job.

They have developed absolutely no ability to live independantly. So as soon as they get a girlfriend they want to move in with her, let her pay all the bills, cook and clean for them. You are their new mom.

For me, it's am absolute must that they are financially supporting themselves and cooking and cleaning for themselves. Anything less than that and you haven't got a boyfriend, you've got a child.
 
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