I had my second POF date.It ended awkwardly:(


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christianlife is offline christianlife Post #1  June 3,2009, 4:10pm
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Last edited by christianlife; June 19,2009 at 3:48pm. Reason: Deleting all posts to spare feelings.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #2  June 3,2009, 4:21pm
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I would call him. You don't have anything to lose and only something to gain. If he's not interested you've not made a fool of yourself: he asked you to call. It sounds like you had a nice time and apparently he enjoyed your company enough to stick around for three hours in a mall (wow!). Perhaps he just didn't know a polite way to let you know that he really had to go (whether he really had things to do or was simply running out of conversation and needed time to process your interaction) He twice indicated that you could call him "if you wanted to" which to me sounds as if he may also be unsure as to how you felt about him. I understand completely about being nervous and/or shy...but don't let that get in the way of finding out if there is potential here...you'll regret it if you do. If it were me...I'd text him tonight to say that you had a nice time, enjoyed meeting him etc. and then see what develops...that may be all the hint he needs to call you...and if he doesn't then maybe take a day or two to process and let him process and then call
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #3  June 3,2009, 4:35pm

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I would not call. He should know he could just call you *especially* after you said it felt like a brush off.

Dates are nerve wracking enough as it is....if I were you, I'd avoid the mall. I hate those places anyway, add a date and its just like...well, anyone would want to get out of there! Its not the best place to nurture a new connection.

Next time try an evening date, somewhere more condusive to conversation, or romance, or just more quiet and serene.

I know not everyone drinks but there is good reason a lot of people have a drink the first time they meet! Its to relax...

Find a way to help yourself to relax, but also don't agree to dates that are going to be in places that are not fun or romantic to begin with.

Malls should be attended alone or with girlfriends.

He may or may not be interested. Let him call you. I'd keep looking and better luck next time.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #4  June 3,2009, 4:40pm
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I would give him a call. Three hours is a very long time for a first meet....to long in my opinion. Maybe he had not planned on being there that long and really did have things to do.

I think your reaction to his saying so is actually a bit strange and that might be why he is leaving it to you to decide whether you wish to continue. He might have been trying to gracefully end the date, but you started to rush off away and were not speaking to him. That is the behavior I would find off-putting on this date.

What have you got to lose by calling him?

I agree that the mall is not really the best place to meet.
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #5  June 3,2009, 4:43pm
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cp30 wrote :
Next time try an evening date, somewhere more condusive to conversation, or romance, or just more quiet and serene.
Good advice...depending upon the personalities involved...everything is subjective...Being a bit reserved myself, I know that a lot of the time I prefer a date where we are actually doing something or looking at something...such as a museum or a hike etc...which will provide a ready topic of conversation as well as activity to mask awkward moments. Luckily for me I am pretty good at faking it until I do feel comfortable...and I'm all about the eye contact so that usually helps...

I just did coffee with a guy this Saturday and hinted that I'd rather stroll around town and chat rather than just sitting...he loved the idea...we walked, talked, went on the swings at the park, and popped into a consignment shop and made jokes about all the odd merchandise and old clothes Went so well that we are going out again tomorrow night!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #6  June 3,2009, 4:47pm
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I was also going to suggest trying to find a place that you may find relaxing for a first meet.

I realize that you are nervous on the first date but are there any ways that you can minimize that.

You could also plan before the date exactly how you will greet & say goodbye. Being mentally prepared for whatever may occur is very important. Be ready to hug, kiss, handshake...whatever may be appropriate for the experience. Deciding on the fly will likely leave you with anxiety.

You will probably know before the date is over whether he is hug worthy or spongeworthy. Hah.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #7  June 3,2009, 4:51pm
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cp30 wrote :
Next time try an evening date, somewhere more condusive to conversation, or romance, or just more quiet and serene.

I agree with this part.

In my opinion you should call him if you're interested. I think guys are used to meeting a woman, having a boring date, and she "poofs." I'd assume he's thinking along those lines.

You calling also lets you set the agenda; you can control where and when, and pick something that plays to your strengths.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #8  June 3,2009, 4:55pm

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I've learned its okay to say no if a guy suggest something that I know will be uncomfortable....and just suggest something else, or another type of activity.

I had been given advice that a woman should never agree to anything she knows will be uncomfortable and to not feel bad about saying no to something...but I really learned the meaning of that after agreeing (knowing it would be uncomofortable, and it was) to go to an amusement park on a second date on the most hot and humid day of the year....

yes that was the last date! and we had a great first date!
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #9  June 3,2009, 4:59pm
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cp30 wrote :
I've learned its okay to say no if a guy suggest something that I know will be uncomfortable....and just suggest something else, or another type of activity.

I had been given advice that a woman should never agree to anything she knows will be uncomfortable and to not feel bad about saying no to something...but I really learned the meaning of that after agreeing (knowing it would be uncomofortable, and it was) to go to an amusement park on a second date on the most hot and humid day of the year....

yes that was the last date! and we had a great first date!
I agree that both parties should negotiate date arrangements. No need to do something that you don't want to do.
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #10  June 3,2009, 5:20pm
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cp30 wrote :
I've learned its okay to say no if a guy suggest something that I know will be uncomfortable....and just suggest something else, or another type of activity.

Yes. I want my date to have a good time. If possible, a very good time!
 
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