men are from mars (((AND)) women are from venus

truthfully, here are my "personal" reasons for starting the other post.

i had been with man for 3 years and assumed it was the best, most close, great, special, wonderful relationship i had ever had. i was so excited to be with him. he was so excited to be with me, always happy and laughing and loving. great, fantastic, best freinds!!!!

i found out years later (after we became engaged) that he had spent some time in about 3rd year also interested in another women and having some lunches with her over a period of several months.
it absolutely devasted me!!!!!

why???? (ive have finally figured out the "why" years later).
why?? becuase i no longer trusted my ability to see reality.
i know longer trusted that man seeming so in love and happy with you, meant anything at all.
you see he was very confused about what he wanted. i didnt know that.

in the book "mars and venus" , john gray states that a man will become unsure and feel the need to pull away (even when all seems great to the women). he may even find himself looking at the greener grass before coming back to you.

i, as women, do not understand how a man can love you, enjoy being with you so much, have all perfect, and then be looking at greener grass.

it left me not being able to believe he really loved me right (even "after" becoming engaged). i have struggled with it ever since.

then i read other posts where i see other people going through this very thing. they will say it is great, wonderful, we connect,, ect,,,,,
but now he wants to leave and says he does not love me.
and i see men with equal misunderstanding about what they go through with women.

how do we do a post a like this??? im not sure. maybe we each put in our misunderstanding about what the other sex really thinks and feels with certain things.....
(like mine is "how can a man act so in love, be in love, but then think about greener pastures,, and in the end acually want to marry you). what are men thinking when during this in a period of dout,, and why so much dout? (but why still acting in love if it dout,,,,making it where we dont know heads from tails)

i would post some other "ideas" where men and women think different and the other sex wishes they understood,, but after all the stuff we just went through in the other thread about this, i am so afraid to it!.

ill let others put their ideas of things that confuse them.

i, as women, do not understand how a man can love you, enjoy being with you so much, have all perfect, and then be looking at greener grass.

Relationships and feelings do not remain linear. They develop, change and evolve over time. Sometimes these changes are for the better. Sometimes not.

Its not just men. Many women have been in love, only to later wonder if he really is the (a) man she wants to commit to the rest of her life.

I believe you can genuinely love a person... but still have doubts about whether that love is enough to sustain the relationship. Love isn't the be-all and end-all. In the early stages (perhaps the first year or two) a person can be blinded by love. Newer love is often intensified by the heightened lust that is often present in the beginning... the infatuation... and the newness of the love... and the realization of that love. People often tend to overlook and/or minimize other key ingredients that might (or might not) be important to them... over the long term.

Love isn't always enough. It is certainly a key element - perhaps the hugest factor. But it isn't the only factor when it comes to making a lifetime commitment. As time goes by... and the two people get to know each other better & better, and the blinders start coming off... one person might start to question whether or not the other is someone s/he want to live with or marry. It doesn't mean the love isn't real. It could mean that it just isn't enough. Or perhaps not the right kind of love.

I would be so nice, for all of us, if the doubt/questions were mutual. If both parties started to wane at the same time. We could then just simply agree that, "Well, its been great but time to move on. I love you dearly... and wish you the best, always. But I don't want to marry you. Don't forget to invite me to your wedding."

Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way. It is usually one person who realizes that the other isn't (or may not be) the type of person with whom s/he's wants an exclusive commitment. Granted, some people address this better than others.

Being dishonest, and sneaking around with someone new, is not a good approach. The reasons may vary. It could be he wants to keep his cake and eat it too. It could be that he's trying to avoid hurting the other person... and doesn't quite know how to say that he's not sure she's "the one"... or that he wants to date others... or that he's interested in someone else. Regardless of the reasons, dishonesty is never a good approach.
I'm sorry he did that to you.