Let’s just be friends.


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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #1  June 3,2009, 6:37am
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Dear EH Dating,
I know we have all heard this line. Let’s just be friends. It is generally used as a softer gentler way of breaking up. The immediate reaction is often to withdraw from that person; to end your relationship with that person as well as “the” relationship. However what if you took them at their word? What if you attempt to add them to or keep them in your circle of friends?
I have been able to do this with most of the girls who I have dated. We still have fun. We still talk over coffee. We still go to social events. But they pay their own way. We have intimate conversations but no intimate physical contact. They are friends and good friends at that. It wasn’t what I was looking for but I am happy that they are there anyway.
So tell me dating people what has your experience been with friendships post dating?
Have a great one,
Bearwolf102
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #2  June 3,2009, 7:04am

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if she wants to be only your "friend", then insist you go DUTCH
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #3  June 3,2009, 7:51am
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As of late, I have remained friends with most of my exes. Not so much when I was younger...I think it was more of a maturity issue for me.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #4  June 3,2009, 7:52am
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Completely agree my friends and I always Dutch.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #5  June 3,2009, 9:08am
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I have no desire to be "friends" with any of my failed first dates - NONE, ZERO, NADA!!! I go on first dates hoping for romance, not friends. If I want friends, I have plenty of friends, and I can make friends easily due to my outgoing personality.

To this day, I have NEVER been friends after a failed first date. When I was younger I tried to go along with trying to be friends after a failed first date a few times, but it never worked out and I got burned and even more hurt.

If I get rejected after a first date, that usually means I had a romantic interest in them. I cant be friends with someone I am still deep down hoping for romance with. That is not fair to me or them.

If I reject someone after one meeting, I have no desire to be with them after that and my focus is on meeting new women. It would not be fair to them to put them on the backburner and string them along.

If a woman is ready to slam the door in my face after the first meeting and does the "lets be friends" disclaimer, I run for the hills. Rejection is rejection, and I cant deal with someone trying to sugar coat it. I actually would rather have someone be blunt and say "I just am not sexually attracted to you. But you seem nice and best of luck to you".

The bottom line is if someone has no desire to go on a second meeting with me and/or is sending me cowardly texts saying "lets be friends", forget it.

Now if a friendship with a woman develops naturally at work or with an ex or with someone I went out on a few dates with - that is perfectly fine and has happened with me.

The key is naturally develops - no disclaimers of "lets be friends", etc. With my friends in real life, there was never any one point where we declared "lets be friends". It just became gradually known we were friends.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #6  June 3,2009, 9:11am
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txbubba wrote :
if she wants to be only your "friend", then insist you go DUTCH
x 1,000,000,000

Oh yeah. Women pull that one all the time.
 
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Ylog is offline Ylog Post #7  June 3,2009, 9:37am

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For me...it depends on why I want them as friends. I see guys agree to be friends because they think that somehow the girl will change her mind and become their lover. That's a wrong motivation. If the girl genuinely adds value to your life..then by all means initiate the friendship. Otherwise just let her go.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #8  June 3,2009, 10:35am
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I approach a friendship differently than a romantic relationship. If the start was as a romantic relationship then I have no interest in remaining friends if or when that does not work out.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #9  June 3,2009, 10:44am
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Why would I want to be friends with someone who has rejected me?

I'm pretty sure many women don't actually mean that they truly want to be friends. It is just a line. Think about it: Would you want to be friends with someone who you assume is only sticking around because they are waiting for you to change your mind? Of course not.
 
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Bearwolf102 is offline Bearwolf102 Post #10  June 3,2009, 10:44am
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I appreciate the many interesting responses to this thread. Sounds like most people have very clear lines. Perhaps that is best perhaps not.
Best,
Bearwolf102
 
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