Did she take advantage of me?


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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #1  June 3,2009, 1:39am
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I was 17 and she was 28. She "knew everything" about relationships, dating, marriage, sex and life in general (or so it seemed) and I knew nothing at that point. She was fully a woman and I was not yet a man.

We became intimate. I had no idea that things could be so wonderful.

The relationship did not last too long, but it changed my life. Things I learned about relationships and physical intimacy in a short time would have probably taken a decade or two to learn without a "mentor". My attitudes toward women were changed radically (and beneficially as time has proved).

I learned with enthusiasm – not just about sex, but about how to relate to a woman (as opposed to relating to teenage girls).

I learned to consider women as equals – neither as goddesses nor as inferiors. This does not imply that we are exactly equal in every respect, but that neither is superior or inferior based upon gender. Neither "skill set" is more important. Each of us will be better at some things, valuable things, and we must respect the other person's abilities as well as our own.

Something I began to learn in that relationship is to be keenly aware of the other person's needs and desires – emotionally and sexually. A successful relationship is NOT about pleasing or satisfying one's self, but about SHARING the pleasure and satisfaction with a worthy partner.

I also learned that although relationships may not last forever, they can be extremely beneficial and pleasurable (and are all learning experiences) – so we'd better learn to "Get over it and move on with life" when necessary. Note: I was not traumatized when the relationship ended, though I was very disappointed. It was a long time before I found a relationship that was its equal – and a partner that was mature enough to be considered a woman. I had a lot of thinking and maturing to do before I was ready.


Some might consider my "lover / mentor" a pedophile (particularly if I was sixteen when we were first intimate).

 What do you think?

Is there a downside?

 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #2  June 3,2009, 2:19am
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I'm glad you were not traumatized by this relationship, but actually felt it matured you. Because she is a pedophile, and yes, she did take advantage of you
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #3  June 3,2009, 3:23am
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I live on the other side of the world and don't know what the legal age is where you are, so I'm going to leave that one alone.

The only thing that is evident from your post is that you've learnt some extremely valuable lessons from that relationship. Age does not always equal maturity and judging by your post, you were mature enough to learn what some people never realize in a lifetime. I can only hope that it happened at a time when you were ready to learn what was taught to you. Sometimes learning a valuable lesson is not as important as the effect of the process on your wellbeing and your future.
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 3,2009 at 3:27am.
 
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cksmith is offline cksmith Post #4  June 3,2009, 5:45am
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It is good that you were able to learn from that experience and it helped you mature and learn to respect women better, but she did take adavantage of you. It would have been different if you had been over the age of 21.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #5  June 3,2009, 6:43am
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Seems to me like you had a genuine relationship with this woman, so what's bothering you? Why do you think that she was somehow taking advantage of you? Do you honestly feel like she somehow manipulated you into something that you did not want to happen? Or are you just bothered by the legal lines that are drawn on the subject that create a certain automatic presumption without regard to the individual realities of each situation?
 
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txbubba is offline txbubba Post #6  June 3,2009, 7:03am

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if you two had sex.... then you both took advantage of each other
 
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JDavid is offline JDavid Post #7  June 3,2009, 9:43am
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DancingFool wrote :
Seems to me like you had a genuine relationship with this woman, so what's bothering you?

Is it not apparent from my post that I know that I had a genuine relationship with the woman and that I view the relationship as entirely positive?

 I asked the question as an interesting topic of discussion – not because anything was bothering me. A person's response can convey information about their life views, attitudes, thought patterns and style of communication.
DancingFool wrote :
Why do you think that she was somehow taking advantage of you?

I make no such assertion or assumption.

DancingFool wrote :
Do you honestly feel like she somehow manipulated you into something that you did not want to happen?

Absolutely not. Are you kidding with "did not want to happen"? That would be quite contrary to the attitude of most teenage males – certainly including me at that time.

DancingFool wrote :
Or are you just bothered by the legal lines that are drawn on the subject that create a certain automatic presumption without regard to the individual realities of each situation?

Again, I am not bothered by any aspect of the relationship – particularly any legal considerations.

It is informative to learn that some consider a woman to be a pedophile.


cksmith wrote :
It is good that you were able to learn from that experience and it helped you mature and learn to respect women better, .
Absolutely, that was a wonderful and beneficial learning experience.

cksmith wrote :
but she did take adavantage of you.
In what way do you think that she took advantage of me?

When I use that term, it means that one person benefits at the expense of another, one person is deceived or one is imposed upon. Is that a reasonable use of the term? If not what is correct use of the term?


If it is reasonable, what would be identified as her benefit and what would be my expense? Who was deceived and who was imposed upon?


cksmith wrote :
It would have been different if you had been over the age of 21.
The next year I enlisted in the US Army and served with the 101st Airborne Division. I was not assigned to combat -- but could have been and could have "died for my country". I was old enough to vote. But I was not old enough to have a wonderful relationship because the woman was over 21 and I was under 21?


I have a couple follow-up questions -- one of which is, Would it make any difference if the woman was 38 rather than 28 (when I was 17)?
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #8  June 3,2009, 10:43am
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Sorry I misunderstood your post and thanks for answering my questions and clarifying things.

To answer your last question, no I don't think it makes one bit of difference whether you are 17 and 28 or 27 and 38. A mutually good and healthy relationship is a mutually good and healthy relationship. The thing is that individual maturity levels, intelligence, capacity to make proper decisions, etc. varies from one individual to the next. Blanket rules simply do not apply to each and every individual situation and relationship.
 
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Ylog is offline Ylog Post #9  June 3,2009, 12:41pm

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@JDavid....are you looking for attention? whats the point of your question? Are you trying to brag? These things happen all the time. I met one of my GFs when she was 15 and I was 30 but we didn't do anything until she was 18.

Everyone knows the dating age to be compatible mentally. You take your age and half it and add 7. That's the youngest you can date without really considering if you are robbing the cradle. Secondly the age of concent is different in different states so you would have een legal in Nevada.
 
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SierraMountainAir is offline SierraMountainAir Post #10  June 3,2009, 1:05pm
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JDavid wrote :
I was 17 and she was 28. She "knew everything" about relationships, dating, marriage, sex and life in general (or so it seemed) and I knew nothing at that point. She was fully a woman and I was not yet a man.

We became intimate. I had no idea that things could be so wonderful.

The relationship did not last too long, but it changed my life. Things I learned about relationships and physical intimacy in a short time would have probably taken a decade or two to learn without a "mentor". My attitudes toward women were changed radically (and beneficially as time has proved).

I learned with enthusiasm – not just about sex, but about how to relate to a woman (as opposed to relating to teenage girls).

I learned to consider women as equals – neither as goddesses nor as inferiors. This does not imply that we are exactly equal in every respect, but that neither is superior or inferior based upon gender. Neither "skill set" is more important. Each of us will be better at some things, valuable things, and we must respect the other person's abilities as well as our own.

Something I began to learn in that relationship is to be keenly aware of the other person's needs and desires – emotionally and sexually. A successful relationship is NOT about pleasing or satisfying one's self, but about SHARING the pleasure and satisfaction with a worthy partner.

I also learned that although relationships may not last forever, they can be extremely beneficial and pleasurable (and are all learning experiences) – so we'd better learn to "Get over it and move on with life" when necessary. Note: I was not traumatized when the relationship ended, though I was very disappointed. It was a long time before I found a relationship that was its equal – and a partner that was mature enough to be considered a woman. I had a lot of thinking and maturing to do before I was ready.


Some might consider my "lover / mentor" a pedophile (particularly if I was sixteen when we were first intimate).

What do you think?

Is there a downside?
Yeah, sexually transmitted diseases, and an unwanted pregnancy, for starters.

Does that help you?
 
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