Do nice guys ALWAYS finish last???


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vfrocketman is offline vfrocketman Post #1  June 3,2009, 1:00am
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I've been told by many ppl that i am a "Nice Guy". I meet new woman and make friends, be my self and things seem to go really well. then when i try to take the next step it seems im always in the friend zone. why do woman talk about Mr.Nice Guy but when one show up they just wanna be friends???
Example: i was semi social with an old neighbor of mine but i was in a relationship. when i got out of the relationship she said we should hang out more. so we did. she called me often and we went to lots of partys together and things of that sort. i took her out for V-day and got her flowers and chocolates. we had dinner and saw a funny movie. she said she had a wonderful time. we watch movies together alone in her room on her bed. we talk alot. but she says she doesnt want to get involved because she doesnt want to loose our friendship. what am i supposed to say to that. i think she likes me and i like her but i seem to be stuck in her friend zone.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #2  June 3,2009, 10:52pm
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Yes, nice guys do finish last. Women don't want men that will bend over backwards for them. It shows insecurity. Insecure = wuss.
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #3  June 3,2009, 11:51pm
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Lindsey0367 is offline Lindsey0367 Post #4  June 4,2009, 12:01am
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I am definitely looking for a nice guy, but sometimes self-proclaimed "nice guys" are actually guys who are a touch desperate. I'm not saying this is you. Nothing you've said suggests this. I'm mostly speaking to the "nice guys finish last" idea. I want to know someone desires me, but if I start to get a hint that he's needy, I'm out of there. A nice guy calls when he says he will, treats me with respect and is kind. A needy guy may do these things as well, but he also calls too much, often because the calls or the messages are his way of assuring himself that my feelings toward him haven't changed since the day before. Since I love the independence that comes with being single, anyone who needs to see me or hear my voice more than once per week when we first start dating is going to scare me off. Anyone who lavishes a ton of attention on me before the relationship gets serious is going to make me feel claustrophobic.

If you think that you and this woman have something going, make yourself more scarce. Stay in touch with her occasionally to maintain the connection, but keep it to maybe once or twice a month at most. If there is a romantic connection, she'll miss you and will wonder who you are spending the rest of your time with. She may just need more time and space to come around.
 
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robv_la is offline robv_la Post #5  June 4,2009, 12:35am
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..." when i got out of the relationship she said we should hang out more. so we did. she called me often and we went to lots of partys together and things of that sort."

Should have made a move on her already. Since you moved too slowly, she put you in friends zone already.

"I took her out for V-day and got her flowers and chocolates. we had dinner and saw a funny movie."

You don't buy flowers and chocolates for a girl that is not your girlfriend already. And you don't take her out on V-day.

"She said she had a wonderful time. we watch movies together alone in her room on her bed. we talk alot. but she says she doesnt want to get involved because she doesnt want to loose our friendship."

She's being selfish here. She knows you want more and accepted your attention and gifts. When you finally pushed for more, it was way too late and she had to give you the old "I don't want to risk our friendship" speech.

"What am i supposed to say to that. i think she likes me and i like her but i seem to be stuck in her friend zone."

You are stuck in the friends zone, no doubt about it. She showed interested at first, but you didn't make a move, so you drove yourself into her friend zone. And it's like quicksand, easy to get in, very hard to get out.

She doesn't like you as anything more than a friend. Nothing you say will change it.

My suggestion, stop hanging out with her. Find a different girl who shows interest, then make a move on her during the first or second date (move in as go for a kiss...don't ask to do it, just do it). Worst she will do is give you a cheek or reject you. Then at least you haven't wasted your time...you can move on and find another girl.

Bottom line: if you move too slow, if you don't even try to kiss a girl after going out with her a few times, you will put yourself in the friend zone. As a man who is interested in a woman, you need to at least show this interest by trying.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  June 4,2009, 1:50am
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How long was your previous relationship?
How soon after that did you start socializing with your neighbour?

The reason I ask - she could be worried about being your rebound relationship.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #7  June 4,2009, 3:48am
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vfrocketman wrote :
i think she likes me and i like her but i seem to be stuck in her friend zone.
Unfortunately, you probably just need to stick her in the friend zone yourself, and move on. Hopefully she'll wise-up, but probably she won't. It's far more likely she'll wise-up if you move on, than if you wait for it to happen.
 
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sheera007 is offline sheera007 Post #8  June 4,2009, 8:20am
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I like nice guys. A guy who isn't a nice person won't get anywhere with me (not even into "the friends zone").

I would never have a boyfriend who isn't nice but... "nice" isn't my only criterion. Its not as though just any ol' nice guy will do.
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #9  June 4,2009, 8:32am
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Being a nice guy is not bad unless like the others have said and carry it too far. One huge thing men need to learn is that unless asked specifically for help all a woman wants is someone to listen, to let her bounce ideas off of. Men too often want to jump right in to fix the problem rather than let the woman fix it herself. Never underestimate them. That sweet, dainty thing could be hiding under all those girlie clothes a factory certified mechanic or a machinist. It is always best to ask first before you end up in the friends zone or worse.

You clearly went overboard with this girl. It would have been appropriate to do all you did if she had been your gf but not for someone who is not your gf. It is time to move on. Good luck
 
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islandrain80 is offline islandrain80 Post #10  June 4,2009, 8:40am
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There's different layers of nice, in my opinion. Nice guys who bend over backwards, never let you do anything on your own and are needy/clingy.

Then there are guys who are nice, but allow you to do your own things, don't need you 24/7 and will give an opinion/good debate rather then agree with everything you say.

I do want a nice guy, but he's still gotta have a backbone and his own ideas/thoughts/opinions.
 
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