Comfortable with Disappointment


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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #1  June 2,2009, 9:18pm
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Near the end of the movie "Last Chance Harvey," there was an interesting scene where Emma Thompson describes to Dustin Hoffman (they've both had failed relationships over the years) that she's afraid she's become 'comfortable' with disappointment. He is there for her, but she tells him she feels angry at him for not disappointing her.

Her anger over this creates reluctance for her to take a chance on their relationship. Ironic, don't you think?

Do you worry that you're becoming 'too used to dating disappointments?' Does this create a self-fulfilling prophecy? Can we learn from this?
Last edited by lacedwithhope; June 2,2009 at 9:20pm.
 
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When_I_See_You_Smile is offline When_I_See_You_Smile Post #2  June 2,2009, 10:29pm
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lacedwithhope wrote :
Near the end of the movie "Last Chance Harvey," there was an interesting scene where Emma Thompson describes to Dustin Hoffman (they've both had failed relationships over the years) that she's afraid she's become 'comfortable' with disappointment. He is there for her, but she tells him she feels angry at him for not disappointing her.

Her anger over this creates reluctance for her to take a chance on their relationship. Ironic, don't you think?

Do you worry that you're becoming 'too used to dating disappointments?' Does this create a self-fulfilling prophecy? Can we learn from this?
Only if you let it.

When dealing with disappointment, after disappointment, you have to stay strong, and know deep down, that you're worth it. The desire for a successful, meaningful relationship (i.e., LTR or marriage), has to be something you want with all of your heart.

You must keep looking forward, and truly believe that it will happen for you. If you lose sight of your goal, or waver in your belief that you deserve an amazing love, then yes, disappointment can turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

In my opinion, success is a direct result of being in the right frame of mind, when the opportunity for love presents itself. If you're too busy beating yourself up, for past mistakes, you won't notice the gift that's right in front of you.

Now, no one said the road would be easy. We all have to put in our time, and weed through the ones that don't fit, in order to find our perfect match. And yes, everyone becomes frustrated when it doesn't happen right away; unfortunately, that's just par for the course.

The good news is that you'll really appreciate it, when it does happen!

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #3  June 2,2009, 10:49pm
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hmm. when i read the title, my brain went off on a different track. i was thinking, to be successful at dating, you have to be comfortable with disappointment in a variety of ways. you have to not let it stop you. you have to also let other people "be," with all their faults and foibles, to get close.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #4  June 2,2009, 11:05pm
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I figured to always expect disappointment, that way, it really isn't disappointment, and then if you aren't disappointed, it is a pleasant surprise.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #5  June 2,2009, 11:52pm
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Do you think you could ever reach a point that you would become 'angry' for your date NOT disappointing you?? Sounds pretty dysfunctional, I know -- but this I think is all part of becoming jaded. No one plans to let their hopes slip away, but it can just happen.

I liked your quote, WISYS -- thanks!
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  June 2,2009, 11:55pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
I figured to always expect disappointment, that way, it really isn't disappointment, and then if you aren't disappointed, it is a pleasant surprise.
So, you set your expections low, OCG?? It sounds like that seems to work for you. Does anyone else do this?
Last edited by lacedwithhope; June 3,2009 at 12:11am.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #7  June 3,2009, 2:16am
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lacedwithhope wrote :
So, you set your expections low, OCG?? It sounds like that seems to work for you. Does anyone else do this?
I have to say I do this too, to some degree. I always say that I'd rather be pleasantly surprised than bitterly disappointed. Having said that, I still don't expect people to behave like jerks. My low expectations only apply to romantic feelings/attraction. When I go on a first date I'm prepared not to get the butterflies. When I do, it's a wonderful surprise

Getting angry with someone for not disappointing me? Hmmm... the only instance I can think of would be if I met them at a time when I wasn't ready to date. It can be frustrating when a potentially right person walks into your life at the wrong time.
 
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ursusamericanus is offline ursusamericanus Post #8  June 3,2009, 8:38am
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It's hard to go on numerous failed first dates, have numerous dating disastors without growing a thicker skin. I can agree with the comfortable with disapointment. You start going on dates with a "take it or leave it" attitude. At the same time hoping you don't come off as disinterested, but refuse to get your hopes up before there is ample proof you won't get burned again.
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #9  June 3,2009, 9:05am
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IcecreamMoon wrote :
Getting angry with someone for not disappointing me? Hmmm... the only instance I can think of would be if I met them at a time when I wasn't ready to date. It can be frustrating when a potentially right person walks into your life at the wrong time.
Good points, IcM! Thanks for the post.
Yes, when you're not 'ready,' meeting the 'right' person can catch you off-guard. Maybe in a good way though, eh?
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #10  June 3,2009, 9:41am
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lacedwithhope wrote :
So, you set your expections low, OCG?? It sounds like that seems to work for you. Does anyone else do this?
I approach the first (or few) date with the expectation that it is likely to not work out any farther than a first date. I have never viewed this as setting my expectations low. Many people view being realistic as pessimisim. Personally I would view that if you approach every new match as being "the one" that you are setting your values a bit low.
 
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