people being upset over topics of posts


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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #1  June 2,2009, 6:32pm
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when i posted the "men are from mars" thread,,, i got alot of negative feed back for posting it. it was apparently taken in the wrong way,,
but EVEN WHEN I EXPLAINED the true intention of the post i was still getting all the negative feedback.

the topic was meant to be about the "differences in how men and women think".
apparently this is a subject that is off limits?
the more i thought about it, the more it annoyed me.

i really thought this site was about men and women understanding each other better. at least that is why i came to it. yet these very subjects annoy people?
 
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waltercl is online now waltercl Post #2  June 2,2009, 6:36pm
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Go back and re-read your opening post. It started out making men look like the bad guys and women the victims. It is this that will cause the gender wars and flaming.

I believe others suggested to you that you can discuss this topic quite well if you start out with putting both men and women on neutral ground and then talk about the differences.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #3  June 2,2009, 6:44pm
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maybe, but once it is explained that it was misinterprutted (probably wrong spelling) and was explained the way it was intended, the upset posts still continue. everybody is jumping on the band wagon instead of just saying,, "oh i understand what she meant , and yeah that might be a good subject to talk about"
 
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #4  June 2,2009, 6:46pm
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When I read your post, I read it in the light manner that you had intended.

Then again, I don't feel the male bashing on this site at all. I am not sensitive to it in the slightest.

I think that it does depend on ones mood as to how any post will be interpreted. That thread just so happened to hit people at a bad moment in time I think.
 
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kat5560 is offline kat5560 Post #5  June 2,2009, 6:53pm
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well i did just now go back and added a sentence to my original post to make sure it was it was clear from the very start about its intention.
hopefully that will help !
 
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tbesq is offline tbesq Post #6  June 2,2009, 7:02pm
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It's not that people are "upset" at the topic. It's that we want to have productive discussion. If a man threw up a thread discussing how women are from Venus, and why do women do this and that and the other, that thread would get out of control. It's the same principle, even if the "intent" was light-hearted. When you're communicating on a digital medium without the benefit of facial interaction, people can take things the wrong way. The timing of your thread topic, as the OP was originally worded, just wasn't very good.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #7  June 2,2009, 7:06pm
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Kat, I am sorry. The other threads on the same topic had degenerated to a slanging match which was so unproductive it was ridiculous. I reacted because of that. I see your intent now.

Peace
 
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zal is offline zal Post #8  June 2,2009, 7:08pm
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Dear Kat: I've copy/pasted your "mars" OP here for analysis. (Ok, I'm a little bored and/or crazy right now) Your OP in Italics. Bold face is my response. For the record I did not find your post at all objectionable. I also did not read the thread, so my comments are directed solely at your OP.


i have dicovered something. men and women are different!!!
I interpret the "eek" smilies as an indication that you are feigning surprise. (And therefore, some sarcastic humor may be intended.)

 here are some examples of some commom conceptions or misconceptions that people often hear.
You're about to tell us what you've seen or heard from others, whether correct or not, such as:
men will say anything....on a first date.... to get you in bed (and mean none of it). This could be offensive if you stopped here, but not necessarily. In any case, you chose not to pick exclusively on men.
a women(in her mind) will pick you as her life time partner on her first date!!
Ok, so you are addressing "conceptions or misconceptions" about men & women. You don't say that you believe either of these statments.
a man could be with you a year and act like he is very in love. (at least it looks that way to women). he is close, having a great time with her, seems crazy about her....
yet he is only having fun until he decides or finds the right one.
Again, unless I'm missing something, you are simply parroting what you've heard or read.
a women, can only be this way with a man if she is in love.
And again, you have a shot at the women too.

ok, now i know there are variations to this kind of stuff and everyone is different. but admit, we think and are very different.
In case anyone has missed your point (that you are raising issues brought up in the "gender wars" but that you are not saying they are true), you admit that there are variations. And you conclude that men and women think and are very different

soooooo............ what really goes on in the mind of a man and a women that makes us so very different???
And now your question: What makes men and women differnt, and as asked below, what are the differences and some examples.
and what are the differences?? what are some examples?

men, how is it that you "really" think?
women, how is it that you "really" think? (ok i know that, im a women).
You can't be more specific about your point then these two questions above.
__________________
Your post, as stated, is FINE. There's no reason anyone should have taken issue with it. IF in fact the bothered to read it. Well, as they say, THERE'S YOUR PROBLEM!!!! Actually there a 2. First, there are many people here you do not bother to actually read the post. They merely catch some words and act on that. Second, there are many people here who (my opinion) are way too sensitive.
_____________
A final word, if you are new to posting, it may take some time for people to "get" where youre coming from. Rememeber, the internet doesn't convey sarcasm or irony as well as the writer may intend.

Now, I guess I need to read that thread to see what responders had to say!

Good luck.
 
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LizziePooh is offline LizziePooh Post #9  June 2,2009, 7:10pm

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Hi Kat,

I got what you intended originally but I also knew as soon as I read it what kind of responses you would get. Ha! Ha!

I have had to go back and re-state my original post on occasion too, so don't feel that you are alone. It happens. The thing is, I think the responsibility is on the person that started the thread to clarify their statement if people do take it wrong. No one can know what we really meant, so sometimes you have to re-state or illustrate differently so you can get the point across more clearly. (I would suggest not just adding a line in your other thread but maybe re-state the entire piece)

The other thing I have found is having a vague idea does not elicit a lot of responses. And the final thing I have learned is that sometimes, a topic may be really interesting to me but it just does not interest others. But that can change - sometimes the same topic could come up again and it can generate a lot interesting discussion.

So just keep trying. I liked the idea of discussing gender differences. Maybe you could start a new thread about a particular difference that seems hard to understand. Maybe it will even turn into a series of threads.

Welcome to the Boards!!!
 
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zal is offline zal Post #10  June 2,2009, 7:12pm
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tbesq wrote :
It's not that people are "upset" at the topic. It's that we want to have productive discussion. If a man threw up a thread discussing how women are from Venus, and why do women do this and that and the other, that thread would get out of control. It's the same principle, even if the "intent" was light-hearted. When you're communicating on a digital medium without the benefit of facial interaction, people can take things the wrong way. The timing of your thread topic, as the OP was originally worded, just wasn't very good.
Except that her OP didn't do that at all. Aside from the title, there was nothing to suggest bias on her part. I didn't read it at all as a male bashing thread, and I like all of us have seen lots of those.

The mistake, if there was one, was in the title. But as someone who intentionally words the titles of his threads as provocatively as possible, I won't fault her for it.
 
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