Ever gone on a date you knew wouldn't go well?


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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #1  June 2,2009, 4:20pm
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Anyone ever had a feeling it wasn't going to work but still go on the first date anyway? Anyone been pleasantly surprised? Maybe I just want reassurance that I'm doing the right thing by giving it a chance.

I've been talking to a guy through a site like eHa. I liked his profile and answers during GC. But when we got to e-mailing, he seemed kinda uninterested - not asking questions, not really giving much in the way of answers. Figured he wasn't that big on e-mailing - fair enough.

He asked if I would like to grab coffee sometime. I said sure, I'd love that -- but since I'm not a big coffee drinker, I'd let him pick the place and to give me a call so we could set it up.

He just called (our first time on the phone) and seemed almost impatient. No small talk, no "how are you doing?" -- just that he was super busy and did we still want to meet. When I didn't immediately have a place in mind (since I'd offered that he pick), he was almost rude. I tried to be accommodating - offering to meet him wherever he wanted, suggesting I'd come out closer to him, suggesting areas between us -- and regardless, he acted just "put out" or indecisive. Finally agreed on a time and place and hung up...and all I could think was -- wow, I can't imagine having to sit through a date with him.

So, what do you think? My first instinct is to always give someone a chance until they prove otherwise - I try to tell myself maybe he's not a big phone person - but that's really not a good excuse for being semi-rude. Would you give him a chance in person?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  June 2,2009, 4:31pm
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I might, in this case. Personally I despise talking aimlessly on the phone, but a crisp call to set up a first meeting …
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Ylog is offline Ylog Post #3  June 2,2009, 4:36pm

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Ha ha ha...hes just not that into you. However, youre a little too much into him. Not because you like who he is as a person but rather something superficial or something that he did or said that made you feel that he would be perfect for something that you alone know.

To save yourself a heartbreak.

The first time he treats you bad in person...not teases you but he is rude to you...call him out and see if he changes his behaviour (dont worry if he does not apologize) other wise use the line that I heard recently that is my new favorite line.

"I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who talks to me that way"

Two times and I would walk...Good luck on that date.
 
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Ron is offline Ron Post #4  June 2,2009, 4:43pm
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You should be commended for being so patient and wanting to give a person the benefit of the doubt and not jump to conclusions. But here you're taking things one step further (too far, in my opinion), by making excuses on his behalf ("maybe he's not big on e-mailing...maybe he's just not a phone person").

It's one thing to come across as reserved or even disinterested, and quite another to come away feeling that you were treated rudely. Your initial impression pretty much says it all ("...all I could think was -- wow, I can't imagine having to sit through a date with him."). Trust your instinct.
 
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blrdancer is offline blrdancer Post #5  June 2,2009, 4:47pm
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Ylog wrote :
Ha ha ha...hes just not that into you. However, youre a little too much into him. Not because you like who he is as a person but rather something superficial or something that he did or said that made you feel that he would be perfect for something that you alone know.

To save yourself a heartbreak.

The first time he treats you bad in person...not teases you but he is rude to you...call him out and see if he changes his behaviour (dont worry if he does not apologize) other wise use the line that I heard recently that is my new favorite line.

"I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who talks to me that way"

Two times and I would walk...Good luck on that date.
I'm not sure where you're reading that from - but no, I don't harbor some grand illusions that he's my perfect match and that we're made for each other before we've even met. I just generally believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt -- and usually like to meet people in person before making judgments.

I've had dates where I was certainly unsure about the person beforehand - but I hope I didn't come across to them the way this guy did!

Thanks for the feedback so far -- glad to hear I'm not the only one seeing red flags. If he's uninterested - why ask for a date? - I certainly wasn't pushing for it.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #6  June 2,2009, 7:14pm
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I'm a lot like you. I always give the benefit of the doubt. If you find that he is as abrupt and unfriendly in person as he was on the phone what have you lost by just meeting? Certainly you won't be heartbroken if those red flags materialise. And we might be entertained by a post of how it went
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  June 2,2009, 8:24pm

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meh. I would not go. Just reading your post made me uncomfortable.

Dating takes a lot of energy. It can be draining. I try to save my energy for the ones who are at least nice to me.

I have gone on dates I was unsure of. But the guys were always nice and pleasant and were making an effort to get to know me.
 
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jsbach is offline jsbach Post #8  June 2,2009, 8:28pm
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Go. It's only coffee.
If it turns out well----Good!
If it doesn't---chalk it up to experience.
Since you're not sure which way it might turn out, go just out of curiosity.
But don't cut him any more slack. He should be on his BEST behavior, not worse.
 
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1Horselady is offline 1Horselady Post #9  June 2,2009, 8:59pm
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Yes, I've gone on dates that I knew weren't going anywhere.
If he makes you feel uncomfortable already, and you're making excuses, he's not worth the effort. Remember dating is supposed to be fun. He sounds as though he belongs more in the military than in the dating world( not meant to offend the military either). Just remember that if a guy doesn't treat you with respect before marriage, he certainly isn't going to do it afterwards. Hope this helps, Suzie
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #10  June 2,2009, 11:08pm
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I've gone on a date I knew wouldn't work out in order to get rid of her, lol.
 
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