rRACINGRANDY is offline rRACINGRANDY Post #1  June 2,2009, 12:43pm
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hopes for better weather.

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I really like E-Harmony and I can't complain at all with the matches, the opportunities and the experiences I have had so far. In the 3 years on this site, I had one relationship last almost a year, another for 6 months and numereous "horrible" dates that ranged from the woman telling me I wasn't her type to another who hardly asked me any questions during the entire 60 minute date.

One of the biggest challenges I am personally discovering, is that at my age (+40), I am involved in so much, that finding the time to allow the relationship to grow deeper is a problem. Besides a career, I have two children that I see every other weekend and 1 night during the week. In addition, I chose a healthy outlet in dealing with a painful divorce, competitive cycling. So I train a lot with the team during the week nights in the summer and I race at events in the midwest on the weekends when I don't have my boys.
Most women I have been matched with also have children. But most are older than mine. So that's a challenge as well. My children are not at an age were I feel comfortable leaving them alone. At least unsupervised.
So with all of this, it's a constant battle trying to connect with someone that understands my committments but also is open to dating 1-2X on a week night and every other weekend.

I would love to hear from other E-H subscibers on how they are dealing with this. Certainly, I am not the only male that it divorced that leads a busy, active life!

It's probably the hardest and most challenging aspect about E-H! It's not attracting someone. It's about sustaining the relationship and finding the time in having the relationship grow!!
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #2  June 2,2009, 2:57pm
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found her guy on EH :)

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Being available every other weekend plus one or two nights a week seems like it should be sufficient for most I would think. Atleast until you get to a point where you can just include her with your kids once in a while in more normal everyday type things. Many face obstacles of distance that may mean they can only date weekends or every other weekend. Or some have the obstacle of one working day shift -the other evening shift. So I wouldn't focus on it too much. If you want to weed out those matches who may be demanding of more time - I think there's a question you can pick for one of your first five that says something like "when dating, do you want a partner who is 1) busy with a chaotic schedule 2) busy with a structured schedule - you know what days he's available for fun 3) not busy, with lots of free time (something like that - there's a fourth choice in there). Sustaining the relationship takes a lot of phone calls and e-mails lol. The right person will be very understanding of your committments. Maybe they'll come to one of your cycling events! Also, the more connected you feel to someone, the easier it will be to sustain things when you can't be together.
 
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Quendy is offline Quendy Post #3  June 2,2009, 3:40pm
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Racingrandy, this might sound simple, but it's the truth -- when you meet someone you really want to be with, you'll make the time for her. Dating at this age is difficult. We have kids. We have activities. We have lives. And of course, we want someone who will fit neatly into *our* package so that we don't have to give up a thing to fit neatly into *theirs*. Remember, relationships are a two way street. I think if you want the world to revolve around you and your activities, you might want to consider whether or not you're a good partner for someone else, or if you're better off alone so that you can do all that you want to do without the complications of a partner.

I'm in my mid-40s and have been on the dating scene for the last 10 years. It was so much easier to date when we were 20 with no kids and no responsibilities or demands on our time. Now, everything has to be juggled. When I am with someone I truly care about, I have time for him. I make time for him. He does the same for me. To ask him to sit home and wait for me while I'm out playing is selfish, just as it would be selfish for him to ask me to sit home while he's out every night of the week because he's overly involved in a hobby. Granted, kids are the exception and must come first, but when it comes to other things, it's a decision and a choice. If cycling is your thing and you need it right now, then maybe dating should be put on hold. However, if you truly want someone in your life, consider that evil word - compromise. Decide if you have time for dating and if not, then celebrate your interests to the hilt. Who knows. Maybe you'll meet a female cycler whose just as into it as you.
 
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Skyking6976 is offline Skyking6976 Post #4  June 3,2009, 5:53am
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Yep, if you like each other that much you'll make time somehow someway. You have had lengthy relationships in the past. You made those work.

For me, I am early 50's (hard to believe I'm that old) have loads of free time as a pilot\aircraft sales. Sometimes I have an open schedule for a week, sometimes I get a call and I'm gone for a week.

It is hard for us. Not only are you busy but women in their mid-30's-50's are VERY busy also. Their idea of fun on the weekend is going, socializing, seeing and doing. Spending a romantic weekend in bed or an all day Saturday picnic in some remote area sipping wine and eating finger food on a blanket is not gonna happen very often. I'm having a tough time with that. I have no kids to support, my wife passed away 8 years ago and I just go with the wind.

You'll meet someone who you can't help but think about every minute of the day and I promise you'll make time for each other and so will she.
 
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