Differences in humor - how important is this?


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s77 is offline s77 Post #1  June 1,2009, 8:21pm
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I just reconnected with an old friend from high school and we've gone on a handful of dates. He's very nice, sweet, and considerate and I really enjoy our conversations, but our senses of humor do differ quite a bit. I love dry and sarcastic humor, joking about politics and current events, those types of things. He's more about the physical humor - jokes about certain body parts and/or functions, which were funny when we were 15... but not so much now (for me). I'll fake a smile when we're alone and do what I can to passively discourage it, but frankly, his comments can be a bit embarrassing in public. For example, there was a comment on subway that made me absolutely cringe, and as a result, I'm really not looking forward to introducing him to my friends.

We all talk about finding someone with a sense of humor who makes us laugh, and this guy is it... like 80% of the time. But the other 20% is a massive turnoff.

I'm not a fan of asking someone to change, and he's not doing anything wrong. But his sense of humor is just not in line with mine. Is this worth breaking up over? Or am I overreacting?
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #2  June 1,2009, 8:32pm

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It is very important to me. It's up there with hygiene and being nice to old people and waitresses and kittens.

This is really important to me (and I think most people) but if you are particularly sarcastic and dry it is probably more important than you realize because a lot of people will take offense where none is meant.

Physical humor though, he probably doesn't take offense...but might just be dense in general which will grate on you....well, obviously it already is.

I don't see this one working out! I've learned men really really like to be admired and respected.

You don't respect him.
 
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MelinCali is offline MelinCali Post #3  June 1,2009, 8:35pm
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I don't think I could be attracted to someone whose sense of humor was so different from mine. I really see this as an integral part of a person and it is something that I feel I need a connection on. It is also a way that one can display their intelligence--not necessarily by telling a joke, but by seeing humor in situations or appreciating the jokes of others.

I have to say if someone had a sense of humor that frequently embarrassed me and I dreaded introducing him to my friends, I wouldn't continue in that relationship.
 
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stevex is offline stevex Post #4  June 1,2009, 8:37pm
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If 80% of the time things are good and you think he is funny than I do not think it is reason to break-up with him. If you found his comments embarrassing than perhaps you should mention that to him.

I think as long as two people have a sense of humor it is all good. I think that sometimes their humor will not line up (I have met many people who think that I am just silly with my humor) but for me that isn't a deal breaker.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #5  June 2,2009, 4:43am
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Having compatible humor styles is as important as any other aspect of compatibility.

When you find someone's humor to be irritating it is something to end the relationship over. On that particular "dimension" you are not compatible.
 
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DancingFool is offline DancingFool Post #6  June 2,2009, 5:12am
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If you find his humor so off color that it's irritating and embarassing to you, then it is a major incompatability problem.

I love dry and sarcastic humor, joking about politics and current events, those types of things. He's more about the physical humor - jokes about certain body parts and/or functions, which were funny when we were 15... but not so much now (for me). I'll fake a smile when we're alone and do what I can to passively discourage it,

An even deeper problem that I'm seeing here is that you don't respect him and think of yourself as a deeper more mature person while he still hasn't grown up. That's a bit more than just differing senses of humor. Doing what you can to passively discourage it is you being condescending to your partner. When you don't respect your partner, the relationship won't work. Cut him lose so he can be with someone who enjoys his sense of humor and does respect him as is.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #7  June 2,2009, 5:12am
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An incompatible sense of humor is about the same as a person having NO sense of humor.

And honestly, if something is going to make me cringe thinking about introducing a guy to my friends/family, that's pretty much a no-brainer right there.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #8  June 2,2009, 5:20am
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If his sense of humour is so different to yours that it makes you cringe and worry about him meeting your friends, then you either have to address the situation or exit the relationship. Presumably, your friends share your sense of humour so would possibly feel the same way. It puts you in an awkward position which can only lead to resentment in time. BTDT for a different reason but yes, there is nothing worse than feeling embarrassed for your date while they shoot themselves in the foot and wishing he would show all his other good qualities to your friends.
 
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trailviews is offline trailviews Post #9  June 2,2009, 5:44am
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s77 wrote :
I just reconnected with an old friend from high school and we've gone on a handful of dates. He's very nice, sweet, and considerate and I really enjoy our conversations, but our senses of humor do differ quite a bit.
That's really rough. I wish you luck with the guy who's less nice, less sweet, less considerate, and/or less enjoyable to converse with in your next relationship.
 
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cath817 is offline cath817 Post #10  June 2,2009, 5:57am
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You're not responsible for your guy's clothing choices or conversation but if you are embarrassed by him and can't accept him as he is, you're doing both of you a disservice by continuing to date him.
 
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