Help! I'm really shy, and I'm meeting up with this girl!


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chaoonthis is offline chaoonthis Post #1  June 1,2009, 5:44am
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Well, this would be my first post on this board...
Well I'm really shy and have very little official dating experience. Most of the girls I've gone out with were really close friends. I have gone out with girls, but it was really them that initiated it and I having not even realized it was a date until after. Most of the girls that liked me, I passed up because I've never noticed the situation I was in until it's too late. I am a virgin too. I'm the typical asian guy. Let's just assume that I'm attractive. I'm in good shape too. I'm well cultured and humorous. However, I was really sheltered growing up, hence my social handicap.

I have recently decided to join this site and met this great girl. She's asian too so I can kind of establish a common ground with her. I'm going to meet her soon, but not sure how to approach this situation. I didn't really expect this to happen when I joined. I just expected some conversation and nothing else. I've just now realized that I am on a dating site. I'm an idiot. She is an artsy kind of a person. The problem is, I feel like it's easier writing than speaking. I'm afraid of meeting because I usually get shy around someone pretty. I'm afraid that words will escape my mind when I meet her and it will be a total disaster! any suggestions? What kind of stuff can I say to her? I don't know how or if I can tell her how I feel. It's think it's quite embarrassing to let a girl know how you feel. I'm also afraid of rejection, although I've never been rejected. Thanks a lot for replies!
 
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gecko13 is offline gecko13 Post #2  June 3,2009, 7:37pm
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First and foremost... Breath and Slow Down...

Right now, based on your post, you are putting a ton of pressure on yourself. Even though this area of your life (Dating/Love) is not one you have much experience in, its also one I am sure you can relate to with other areas of your life you perhaps have more experiences.. What I mean is, I am sure you have experiences conversing and have a discussion with women either in the classroom or workplace? Right? Well, if you do that in a calm and successful manner than this should be no different.

First, take as much emotion out of this first date as possible. I am not suggesting you be a stiff log.. Simply approach this as a nice meeting to get to know someone. Exclude any and all expectations, other than to hope to meet a nice person with whom you can relate to.. find some common ground with. This is easier said than done, but is one very important step. Remember this is just a first date, no need to confess everything you have burning inside of you. (Not sure there ever is a time for that actually).

Second, think back to your written conversations. What topics did both of you find common ground or interest? Make a mental note of these topics as you can use them to dig deeper in your conversations. If there is ever an awkward silence, use one of these topics to get the conversation going again.

Third, in conversation.. remember to listen. More often than not, your partner will provide you lead ins to the next part of the conversation. If you are really listening, this should come easy.. For example... (You) How was your day today? (Her) Okay, I work with my sister and she was such a pain today.. (Lead In - her sister) (You) I didnt know you work with your sister what's that like?...etc..etc.. From there you can take the convo into family..etc..etc...

Lastly, BE YOURSELF. Whether its today or tomorrow or next week, she will eventually see that. So you might as well be who you are today and let the relationship build or not build from there. If you're a good guy that will come out if you are simply yourself.. Don't let the being someone else or something else get in the way of who you really are.

I could go on and on here.. but its best not to overwhelm you.. Follow these 4 guidelines and you should be well on your way.

Best of Luck.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #3  June 3,2009, 9:05pm
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Don't be nervous. It's the nervousness that will kill you. Nervousness translates to lack of confidence.

Whatever you do, do NOT tell her about your lack of relationhsip experience. Inexpereinced guys aren't cahrming; they raise red flags as to the possibilities of inexperience and then she will look for those.

Here's why you don't need to be nervous: Obviously, she finds you interesting enough to go out on a date with you. Just continue to do whatever you did that landed a date with her.
 
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chibrook is offline chibrook Post #4  June 4,2009, 3:37am
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Maybe a date like miniature golf, bowling, or some other activity would put you more at ease because you're DOING something active, rather than just sitting and talking (like over a meal). You can always go out to eat after. And relax! Just have fun! Good luck to you!
 
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Nature_Lover is offline Nature_Lover Post #5  June 4,2009, 3:49am
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chibrook wrote :
Maybe a date like miniature golf, bowling, or some other activity would put you more at ease because you're DOING something active, rather than just sitting and talking (like over a meal). You can always go out to eat after. And relax! Just have fun! Good luck to you!
+1 If she's artsy and you're cultured...maybe something like a museum...you can walk and talk and the art will provide a constant source of conversation topics....I definitely feel that for people who are shy..staring at each other over a dark table at a quiet restaurant can be intimidating rather than romantic and perhaps best saved for a second or third date when you are more comfortable with each other! Good luck!
 
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