Is He Interested?


View Poll Results: Do Guys Sometime Lead You on to Get the 'Perks" without commitment?
Yes - If we let them 11 64.71%
No 0 0%
Maybe 6 35.29%
Voters: 17. You may not vote on this poll

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confused_dater is offline confused_dater Post #1  May 31,2009, 6:58pm
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I am "Friends" with this man that I met on a work project. We've been communicating for over a year. It started off as just communication at work, then when the project was over he would call periodically just to say hi or ask a work related question.

Then the communication changed to calls (text messages) daily, several times a day. We've gone out to lunch and dinner several times. But we have not kissed or anything at this point. But the calls consist of discussions of work, wanting to meet parent/friends, (hasn't followed through on that), shows concern if I am not feeling well or having a bad day. If he's going through something, he wants to discuss it with me. I fell I am being used.

During our conversations, he doesn't mention other women (potential girlfriends, a girlfriend, dates with others) nothing.

I am confused, his signals seem mixed. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY !!!

Is he just trying to get the benefits of a "girlfriend" without the intimacy, the title of 'girlfriend'.

I say we can't just be classified as friends because we do share lots of information with each other about our lives.

Mmmm any insight???

Thanks.
 
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kalka13 is offline kalka13 Post #2  May 31,2009, 7:20pm
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Hi,

So its either one of two options. Either he's extremely shy and doesn't have a lot of dating experience. If you suspect thats the case, then why not take the pressure off of him and make the first move? The more realistic option is that he's just using you. What guys tend to do is have a 'back up' date/girlfriend. This is the girl they use to have 'talks' with and discuss their concerns, etc., but don't really want as their girlfriend because they're waiting for something better to come along. Do yourself a favor and set some ground rules for the men you date! Stop letting him treat you like a quasi-girlfriend without any talk of commitment or even feelings for that matter.

By the way, I mentioned that men tend to have a 'back-up' but in reality its both men and women. I know I've done this in the past, and although its not fair to the person I continue to do it until they grow some balls and get out of an awkward situation.

Best of luck!
K
 
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jcd1968 is offline jcd1968 Post #3  May 31,2009, 7:38pm
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It depends on the person (male or female).
 
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angelofmerci is offline angelofmerci Post #4  May 31,2009, 7:53pm
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He could very well be trying to get you to the friends with benefits point. The only way you are going to know for sure is to ask him what his feelings are in regard to you. Good Luck
 
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Doctora2012 is offline Doctora2012 Post #5  May 31,2009, 9:20pm
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Others may totally disagree with me, but in MY opinion, if he hasn't tried to kiss you (or at least asked for permission to do so if he's trying to be a gentleman) after going out on "several" dates, then he might not be interested in you in a romantic way.... He may simply want the benefits of having a girlfriend (not necessarily FWB, but more of a confidant, listener, supporter, etc.).


....Best wishes
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  June 1,2009, 1:22am
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For the record, I voted Yes to your poll question but I'm not convinced it applies to your situation...

confused_dater wrote :
We've gone out to lunch and dinner several times. But we have not kissed or anything at this point. But the calls consist of discussions of work, wanting to meet parent/friends, (hasn't followed through on that), shows concern if I am not feeling well or having a bad day. If he's going through something, he wants to discuss it with me. I fell I am being used.
Why do you feel that way? From what you are describing you are both equal participants. He doesn't just call you to dump his problems on you, he also listens to yours and offers support. This does not sound like "using" to me, it sounds like you are friends. Is there potential for more? Maybe. Some people prefer to establish a solid foundation in friendship before progressing further. Some don't. I really don't know what he has in mind. But what you are describing does not sound like he is using you.

confused_dater wrote :
Is he just trying to get the benefits of a "girlfriend" without the intimacy, the title of 'girlfriend'.
What benefits is he getting? You haven't even kissed. You are just 2 people enjoying (hopefully) each other's company.

confused_dater wrote :
I say we can't just be classified as friends because we do share lots of information with each other about our lives.
I share important details of my life with my friends (but not with acquaintances). I've met most of their families. We share good times and bad times. We laugh together and try to support each other in times of need. We get mutual "benefits" from our friendship. To me, this is what you are describing.

It is clear that you would like to be more than friends with this man. Nothing wrong with that. I don't know if he feels the same. Why don't you ask him? Or at least try some flirting and see how he responds...

Good luck! I hope it works out for you
Last edited by IcecreamMoon; June 1,2009 at 1:51am.
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #7  June 1,2009, 6:08am
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confused_dater wrote :
I am "Friends" with this man that I met on a work project. We've been communicating for over a year. It started off as just communication at work, then when the project was over he would call periodically just to say hi or ask a work related question.

Then the communication changed to calls (text messages) daily, several times a day. We've gone out to lunch and dinner several times. But we have not kissed or anything at this point. But the calls consist of discussions of work, wanting to meet parent/friends, (hasn't followed through on that), shows concern if I am not feeling well or having a bad day. If he's going through something, he wants to discuss it with me. I fell I am being used.

During our conversations, he doesn't mention other women (potential girlfriends, a girlfriend, dates with others) nothing.

I am confused, his signals seem mixed. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY !!!

Is he just trying to get the benefits of a "girlfriend" without the intimacy, the title of 'girlfriend'.

I say we can't just be classified as friends because we do share lots of information with each other about our lives.

Mmmm any insight???

Thanks.
I'm trying to comprehend why you think this guy being a friend to you is such a bad thing? Most women would complain that men only want one thing from them and it's certainly not the good conversation and helping each other out you've got going on here. Perhaps you're throwing off weird or confusing signals to him and he's unsure himself of how to proceed? It could also be that he likes you but is a bit hesitant because of the work relationship involved. I know that people are *very* cautious here about converting work relationships into romantic ones because one slight misstep and you're being escorted out of the building by HR for harassment. Once that happens, it's a reputation that can follow you around to a new position. No one wants that.

If you like him and want to pursue more with him, talk to him about it. If not, just enjoy having another friend. It's not a bad thing to have friends
 
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lil_lamb is offline lil_lamb Post #8  June 1,2009, 7:29am
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no, men don't do that to me because i know who i am and what i'm satisfied with.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #9  June 1,2009, 8:11am
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confused_dater wrote :

During our conversations, he doesn't mention other women (potential girlfriends, a girlfriend, dates with others) nothing.

I am confused, his signals seem mixed. IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY !!!

Is he just trying to get the benefits of a "girlfriend" without the intimacy, the title of 'girlfriend'.


Thanks.
What other benefits are there?
I say he likes you. Perhaps he's just very shy though.
 
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lifeislearning is offline lifeislearning Post #10  June 15,2009, 6:41am
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He can only go as far as you let him, which really boils down to what you want out of interaction with him. If you want commitment, I think you already know it isn't what he wants.
 
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