Is it just best to pursue sex?

My problem is I become a needy, slobbering, pathetic, piece of mush when dating. It must have something to do with how I was raised. But it's kind of embarrassing and I hate it.

It seems like women actually respond better to a man who shows little emotion. For some reason it seems like women are turned on by the guy is a robot, yet willing to have empathy for them and tell them how great they are.

So if I only think of a woman as getting sex, this would make things easier.

Yes, if you want a loving, caring, good relationship... then, by all means, pretend that you don't. Put on a front of an uncaring, callous "robot" who is after sex only. And yes, don't forget to tell women what they want to hear... which is, as you said, how great we are. Whether it is genuine (or not) is beside the point.

Let us know how that works out for you.

I’d guess you’ll still be pathetic.

I’d fix that first.

Hmmm...okay. I'll try.

Is it best? Depends. If what you truly want is simply a sexual relationship, and you're up front and honest about that...you don't offer more than that as an enticement for a woman to enter into said relationship, then I'll concede that it isn't the worst thing. However, even when there is complete agreement up front, things change.

One cannot share that much intimacy with another human being without some attachment occuring, at least in my experience. On both sides. Expectations arise. Feelings are involved. Often one person is more invested than the other, or when it comes time to end, one person is ready for it before the other.

It doesn't sound to me like what you want is strictly a sexual relationship. It sounds like you want a genuine connection, but have trouble finding a balance between seeking that and maintaining your own identity. Seems to me it would be better to figure out why this is than to try and back-door your way into a relationship accidently.

My problem is I become a needy, slobbering, pathetic, piece of mush when dating. It must have something to do with how I was raised. But it's kind of embarrassing and I hate it.

Is this your own assessment or have you had feedback from others along these lines? If it is your own assessment, it may be that you are just not comfortable being emotionally vulnerable, or you may be choosing people with whom it isn't safe to be so. Or you may need to do some work on yourself to be able to set and maintain healthy boundaries, with yourself and others. If you're hearing it from others ask yourself: are these people you trust? Hearing this from someone who's ending a relationship isn't always the most reliable source. If you're hearing the same thing over and over, it might bear some consideration.

And I do the same thing to some extent, so I know what you mean...it isn't so much that I become needy as that I find the vulnerability a bit frightening and look for validation that the person I am entrusting my heart to is actually trustworthy. It's a slow process for me, is often frustrating for others who want a kind of instant pudding of a relationship, and is frightening for a man when he realizes that I'd rather opt out than stay in with someone who proves untrustworthy in some way.

It seems like women actually respond better to a man who shows little emotion. For some reason it seems like women are turned on by the guy is a robot, yet willing to have empathy for them and tell them how great they are.

Women who are emotionally mature are not going to expect or want a man who is a robot...nor need constant validation of their "greatness." I can't speak for anyone but myself, but what I want is a man who knows who he is, what he wants, has a high level of personal integrity, and is willing and capable of the committment required to build and sustain a relationship. This means that some days he needs someone to lean on and some days I do. Some days I'm a pathetic, slobbering mess, and some days he is. But more often than not, we both are whole, healthy people who can navigate the ins and outs of a realtionship as partners rather than suspects in each others minds.

And, IMO, there is no such thing as meaningless sex. Even if you're paying for it, it means something...and there is accountability and responsibility still involved.

Just my .02.