I met someone, no internet involved, no bars, and the age gap question


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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #1  May 31,2009, 7:12am

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Well I decided to post this because it is a) exciting (to me) and b) I think it could evolve into a few different discussions that have been of interest to this group.

I rarely meet men when I am out and about in the world unless it is a bar or party kind of situation (or when I was in school). Actually I usually am not very open to meeting people when I am out conducting my business or just prancing about town sight seeing or what not. I usually find it awkward unless there is a really good segway for the guy to say..hi, I'm "Jim" what is your phone number. Usually it is so brief there is no appropriate way to ask someone on a date (in my opinion) and usually I don't make it that easy either as I am more apt to walk away from strangers (politely) unless its really not that awkard. And I generally don't like being bothered at book stores and coffee shops by people unless...again there is good reason and its not awkward.

Anyway, I'm usually busy enough meeting people from the vast internets I don't make it any type of goal to meet people out and about.

Well, I went to an event yesterday that was kind of a big deal here in my town. I wasn't going to stay for long...just went to check something out that pertains to me and then I was going to leave and get an early start on my drive to the beach. Well, I got sidetracked by the grand opening of a new park/art show here in my town (kind of a big deal...) and started to walk and walk and take pictures. Needless to say I met a nice man who was taking photos of the same things I was. I kept walking away from him too but we kept meeting up and chatting about the new park and the art and the area.

We got sidetracked and lost each other for awhile then I came to the end and he found me and asked me if I wanted to go to dinner sometime and got my number. By that time it really wasn't that awkward. And by this point I had found out he was an architect involved in all the buildings I had been checking out latley to move to...which was pretty interesting. We had a lot to talk about.

Well, also of note here is this guy looked almost old enough to be my dad....a rather young teen father but definitley an age gap here. He was still interesting though and not bad looking and I wasn't getting a creepy leery vibe. In fact maybe he just asked me out to introduce me to more of my new city cause he is that kind of guy. Maybe he thought I am 40 or 45 but that is doubtful I was wearing sunglasses though so who knows! lol.

I googled him later and he is probably about 15 years older than me, maybe even a little more than that considering he graduated college when I was in 1st grade. He is really fascinating though and a very well respected architect here.

So.

1. I guess you really can meet people out in the real world...do you?

2. I guess I am open to meeting older men in the real world if they are fascinating and still attractive. Though I doubt I would consider him relationship material, you never know.

3. I can't decide if this bothers me. Being fascinating and attractive (for your age...) does that really give you the entitlement to pursue women who are young enough to be your daughters? Same with women....would you consider it predatory for older women to chat up younger men from out of town obviously clueless about their new city?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 31,2009, 7:38am
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1. I guess you really can meet people out in the real world...do you?

I have had zero success, except some maybes in the workplace that I did not attempt to pursue. I like how you phrased it in your post though; really rings true.
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bigfincat is offline bigfincat Post #3  May 31,2009, 7:39am
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I am not always looking for it when I am out and about but it is pretty fun to flirt when doing so. I am always open to meeting someone that way.

No, I don't think that it is inappropriate at all for him to ask you out. Many people take on such an age gap. Whether that age gap is a good idea long term is another question. I think it has many possible drawbacks down the line... most of those drawbacks are concessions on the side of the younger person. You have different priorities at different ages in life. Most people live differently when they are 30 as opposed to 45, 40 as opposed to 55, 55 as opposed to 70, etc.

That is cool that you met someone interesting that way. You should have fun with it regardless of whether or not something long term develops. You have to see it through.
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #4  May 31,2009, 8:01am

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thanks for the input dudes. Lots of thoughts...not sure how to put them into words yet....but it does sound like it is more likely to happen in movies these days...people meeting in real day to day settings!
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #5  May 31,2009, 8:36am
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cp30 wrote :
it does sound like it is more likely to happen in movies these days...people meeting in real day to day settings!

[FONT=Calibri]Shocking, isn’t it?
 
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lacedwithhope is offline lacedwithhope Post #6  May 31,2009, 8:51am
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cp30 wrote :
I can't decide if this bothers me. Being fascinating and attractive (for your age...) does that really give you the entitlement to pursue women who are young enough to be your daughters? Same with women....would you consider it predatory for older women to chat up younger men from out of town obviously clueless about their new city?
If you are young enough to be his daughter, then yes, it seems to me that he is 'too old' for you. I had a friend who put it well: if you're closer in age to their son/daughter than to who you're dating, well, yeh...
Just my opinion though, of course...
Good luck!
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #7  May 31,2009, 9:02am

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lacedwithhope wrote :
If you are young enough to be his daughter, then yes, it seems to me that he is 'too old' for you. I had a friend who put it well: if you're closer in age to their son/daughter than to who you're dating, well, yeh...
Just my opinion though, of course...
Good luck!
That is what is interesting to me! When I'm online dating my parameters are about 27-44. And really my preference is probably 30-35 (I'm 32). I'm currently communicating with a guy online that is 44 and I'm a tad uncomfortable with that. It's even more uncomfortable because he is kinda bald and gray and, well, admittedly reminds me of what my dad looked like when I was growing up.lol. Not his fault but I just don't picture myself in that age range yet....and really, I'm not. That is 12 years older than me. But I admit, if he had more hair and it was brown I'd probably care less. It is more psychlogical I think....hmm...well it is more than a decade. But he is a musician and also quite "fascinating"! with lots to offer intellcutually (to talk about, that is important to me).

If this guy were on match.com and he was say....49 years old. I don't think I would think twice before closing him and muttering "get a clue oldie!" lol
 
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sasha979 is offline sasha979 Post #8  May 31,2009, 9:02am
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I know a couple where the man is 25 years older than she is. They have a lot of common interests and are happy together. It doesn't seem to affect them one bit. If you like him it's your opinion that counts not what anyone else thinks. Have fun!
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #9  May 31,2009, 10:08am

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You seem to have more negative put downs and constantly finding fault with everything and I suspect that is one of the reasons that you are 32 and single.

The way that you met was the natural way things happen in life. The way the you meet people on the net is a preconceived concept to keeps the peeps under control, while offering a window of safety.

I don't think that you fully comprehend the value of a mature man and I would assume that you do find fault with everyone who you date. He has been their before and is well established so he does not have to prove anything to anyone. (Mano E-Mano) He has the skill to empower you to become a women in the full sense and to teach you about love on the emotional level. Keep and open mind and opened heart and don't be so judgmental as to throw cold water on it before it begins. Just enjoy yourself!

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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #10  May 31,2009, 10:15am

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right right....another "this is why you are single" couldn't possibly be because I have made the choices to remain that way and have moved about the country pursing my dreams and education. (ps. what you wrote is what I call negative) I'm not a negative person. I joke about it sometimes in a haha kind of way. But to call me on that is really uncool. I can say that about myself, because its funny, tounge in cheek. Its not actually true. I'm a pleasant person, with a lot of friends. I've been proposed to a number of times and have chosen to keep moving. My last relationships could have worked yes, if I had chosen not to find fault with them.

I found fault with them. I guess I have some kind of standards and am trying to figure out which ones are the most meaningful and which ones I can let go.

Today's special? age.

I'm not negatiev about the way we met. I thought it was pretty neat. But it happens rarely and is worth discussing in this age of the internet.

I feel that often times some people mistake my humor for negativity.

This has become one of my standards as well. No longer date guys who are too sensitive (possibly foreign) and don't get it when I make a joke, and not an attack on their delicate feelings.
 
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