Should I become a player ?


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bwr is offline bwr Post #1  May 31,2009, 4:24am
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Due to my dysfunctional dating life most of my life, I have been doing a lot of thinking and soul searching this year.

I am 43 years old and am likely not going to or want to have kids or have a family, and as a result I am not in a hurry to get married. I have spent my whole life focused on school sports/activities, getting good grades, my career, my education, etc. I have minimal baggage, have good morals, am tall and attractive, am intelligent, have no debt, and am financially secure. I am also very kind and easy to talk to and get along with, and I am very open-minded and have a variety of interests. My only baggage right now is that I am 150 lbs overweight, but I am tall and can hide a lot of the weight, so its not necessarily that big of a factor.

Yet I cannot attract a decent woman to save my life!! I could understand not dating women much in high school and college because I was broke, had a really difficult major, and was at practice a lot for sports. I just had no time or money to date when I was in college, outside of the occasional one-night stands or flings with the groupies when I played sports.

But I have my house, car completely paid off, am settled in my career, etc. - basically I am all dressed up with nowhere to go.

I am starting to think if I cant beat them why dont I just join them - and just become a player and have some great sex. So it will cost me a little money, who cares. Heck, I am already spending money on all these golddiggers anyway. Maybe what I should be doing is taking advantage of the situation with these golddiggers and just get some "practice" and have some fun with them. Then as I get more practice and lose more weight, I will gain more charm and confidence and be able to go after the better women.

Maybe if I just keep going through the Ms Right Nows, I will stumble accross Ms Right anyway. And I will have a lot of fun along the way

I dont know if I am actually going to go the player route, but I am definitely tossing it around. Life is short and I have paid my dues - I want to have some fun now.
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #2  May 31,2009, 5:01am
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You're not describing "becoming a player," (at least in my opinion). You're describing enjoying yourself while in the company of women who may or may not like you for who you really are, only for what you can do for them. I've dated "players." They are NOT interested in forming any kind of relationship with a woman. They care only about being seen with a choice morsel on their arm at all times. They will make said choice morsel BELIEVE that they are special and that a relationship is possible. They will perpetuate this myth until the morsel becomes emotionally involved. Then they will dump the morsel for being too "clingy" or "needy" and move on to a new one. That does not sound like you. I'd say go out and enjoy yourself. Date around. Don't let yourself get emotionally involved to protect yourSELF. Like they're always telling US, "If you kiss enough frogs you'll eventually find your prince." For guys I suppose there's a similar saying, but it's not anywhere near the tip of my tongue, so......

At any rate, I guess my point is, dating around is not being a "player," and is just fine, go do it and enjoy it. Dating around and pretending that each new date is "special" and then unceremoniously dumping them when the mood strikes or something better comes along IS being a player. Ms. Right is out there. Date around like a gentleman and you will find her. Or she'll find you.
Last edited by fino4beat; May 31,2009 at 5:07am. Reason: And if you have some great sex in the process, well gee, THERE's a shame.....
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #3  May 31,2009, 5:09am
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Bwr – do you think you can become a ‘player’ without it changing who you are? What you believe in, and stand for? Without going against your ‘natural grain’, so to speak? Do you think you could become a player without hurting another person in the process of it?

Without getting into all the details here, I tossed the same idea around, and realized what I’ve always known about myself… I am just not ‘girl-player’ material. I’m just not wired that way. The answer to all of those above questions for me are a big ‘ol NO.

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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #4  May 31,2009, 5:14am
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Or, you get a disease and your **** will fall off.

I would consider focusing on continuously improving yourself and being more effective at screening for good partners.
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bwr is offline bwr Post #5  May 31,2009, 5:25am
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The bad boy jerks are getting all the women and great sex, leaving the women as sloppy seconds for the rest of the "nice, good" guys.

I dont think I want to be a jerk and treat women bad - thats just not my nature or how I am wired.

However, why not practice on my charm skills and sexuality, using women along the way to serve my needs and get some practice and have some fun ? And then when I am done with them or find someone better, dump them.

The golddiggers are using me for my money and security, so why not use them back and get something out of it for me ?

I am tired of getting rejected by the good, intelligent women because I failed to charm their pants off on the first date and then they get lured in by the players, then come on these boards griping how "all guys are jerks", etc.

If I get some practice as a player, then I will be able to go toe to toe with the players to get the good women.
 
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bwr is offline bwr Post #6  May 31,2009, 5:37am
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I think the point I am trying to make is my current "nice, good guy" way is not cutting the mustard in attracting a nice, good woman, even though I have my act together.

Maybe I need to throw myself in the world of a player to gain the skills necessary to compete for these women in the long run
 
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fino4beat is offline fino4beat Post #7  May 31,2009, 5:44am
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bwr wrote :
I think the point I am trying to make is my current "nice, good guy" way is not cutting the mustard in attracting a nice, good woman, even though I have my act together.

Maybe I need to throw myself in the world of a player to gain the skills necessary to compete for these women in the long run
Well, you just said it there, didn't you? It seems likely that you wouldn't make a very good "player" because that isn't your nature. You just need to stop hoping that each and every date you go on might be "the one." Maybe it will be. Likely it won't be. But there's nothing wrong with "honing your skills" with women. Just keep your emotions to yourself in the meantime, right? It's real hard to be hurt by somebody you never expected to have an actual relationship with in the first place....
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  May 31,2009, 5:45am
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Just because you can mash the gas pedal to the floor, will not make you Mario Andretti.

I think you have two discrete problems here: your failure to land what you consider a “good” woman, and your vulnerability to “gold-diggers.” The former requires an evolutionary correction on your part (or luck), while the latter is an immediate fix.
 
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lucky173 is offline lucky173 Post #9  May 31,2009, 6:13am
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You made a lot of statements I’d like to respond to, but I’m on my way out the door, so will have to make this quick.

“The bad boy jerks are getting all the women and great sex, leaving the women as sloppy seconds for the rest of the "nice, good" guys.” I’d counter this with saying, any GOOD woman wouldn’t allow herself *ever* to be used up and left over as a sloppy second, so, if these are the women you keep finding for yourself, you’re looking in the wrong places for a ‘good woman’ bwr.

“I dont think I want to be a jerk and treat women bad - thats just not my nature or how I am wired” That was why I asked the questions in my post. If you’re not wired that way, then it’s not going to work for you. Try as you may, the ONLY person this behavior will take a toll on is YOU. It’s not going to get you any damm closer to your goal of finding the woman you want, and the relationship you want, it’s going to further remove you from it. And ultimately you know that. Now stop your bellyaching. ;-)

Dernit – I’ve gotta go, I could pick your post a part in response if I had more time. Bottom line though, most of what you said in regards to women: It’s interesting to me what your definition of what a “good woman” seems to be??. A good woman doesn’t use a man for his money and security and then reject him when someone comes along who is going to use her and discard her as sloppy seconds; a good woman doesn’t let a bad boy charm her pants off of her while rejecting a man with good character because he *doesn’t* do that (charm her pants off her to use her)on a first date.

You’re referring to them as “good women” and then listing qualities most men tend to NOT want in a woman. Do you want that kind of woman, or don’t you?? You want to brush up on the skills of the player in order to go toe to toe with them in order to land the type of woman a player lands?? That makes little sense…

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Lostintranslation is offline Lostintranslation Post #10  May 31,2009, 7:27am
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Go! embrace this idea with all that you are. Delve deep into these women you so despise and draw pleasure from them you never thought possible. Since they are 'everywhere' and 'easy to find' this shouldn't take long. Use and be used.

Do let us know how it worked out.
Last edited by Lostintranslation; May 31,2009 at 7:29am. Reason: I had an afterthought. Don't provoke me - or I'll have another.
 
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