Happy with ME! Should I take a break??


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kayla4brains is offline kayla4brains Post #1  May 29,2009, 1:10pm
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I'll try to give the short of it(haha)...the last I can remember being happy with myself, truly happy with my personhood...I was single. I met somebody and that went well for a while. We got into an intense relationship very quickly - he had a lot of baggage and close to 2 years later I was very unhappy in the relationship but still trying to keep it together. He was very controlling and manipulative emotionally...anyway, nearly 2 years later after promising his life to me he broke up with me the day after my grandmother passed away. I took a while to get my emotions sorted out, I knew that I didn't want to be with him and knew that he wasn't good for me but still wasn't happy with the person that I was within that time. Meanwhile, I always have some sort of medical drama going on, so just within the past couple of months I've had several surgeries, kidney stones...the entire point to all of this is that after about a year of me faking smiles and falsley pushing foward with life, trying to meet new people etc, and after all the medical crap was finally over too... I AM REALLY HAPPY WITH ME! I've begun to do things for myself, I've just been in a better frame of mind, but the strangest thing is, I suddenly have lost my interest in dating. I want to savor my time with myself. Is this normal? Or am I scared to lose this happiness that I have gained? I think before I may have been looking for someone else to complete me...any thoughts from a more seasoned dater?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #2  May 29,2009, 4:18pm
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Er … is “seasoned dater” a good thing?

You know, you can meet people, be with people, while still drawing a line in your head that no “drama” will be admitted in.

I would not choose to be alone, myself.
 
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Mr_Right is offline Mr_Right Post #3  May 29,2009, 4:54pm
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kayla4brains wrote :
I'll try to give the short of it(haha)...the last I can remember being happy with myself, truly happy with my personhood...I was single. I met somebody and that went well for a while. We got into an intense relationship very quickly - he had a lot of baggage and close to 2 years later I was very unhappy in the relationship but still trying to keep it together. He was very controlling and manipulative emotionally...anyway, nearly 2 years later after promising his life to me he broke up with me the day after my grandmother passed away. I took a while to get my emotions sorted out, I knew that I didn't want to be with him and knew that he wasn't good for me but still wasn't happy with the person that I was within that time. Meanwhile, I always have some sort of medical drama going on, so just within the past couple of months I've had several surgeries, kidney stones...the entire point to all of this is that after about a year of me faking smiles and falsley pushing foward with life, trying to meet new people etc, and after all the medical crap was finally over too... I AM REALLY HAPPY WITH ME! I've begun to do things for myself, I've just been in a better frame of mind, but the strangest thing is, I suddenly have lost my interest in dating. I want to savor my time with myself. Is this normal? Or am I scared to lose this happiness that I have gained? I think before I may have been looking for someone else to complete me...any thoughts from a more seasoned dater?
Go ahead and take a look at this link, it might apply - What is the Point of Dating When It Seems Most Relationships Are Unhappy or End in Failure? | Evan Marc Katz Blog - Dating Coach
 
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Blackadder is offline Blackadder Post #4  May 29,2009, 6:05pm
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If you're happy don't push a relationship. Take time out for yourself, enjoy it and when the time comes you'll feel it and want to move on with a relationship. Your happiness with yourself might just rub off to people around you and draw in that special person like a magnet, you never know.

Personally I wouldn't choose to be alone, myself either, but I have no choice, no prospects even on the horizon.

Not a seasoned dater, just seasoned.
 
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kayla4brains is offline kayla4brains Post #5  May 29,2009, 6:45pm
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Blackadder wrote :
If you're happy don't push a relationship. Take time out for yourself, enjoy it and when the time comes you'll feel it and want to move on with a relationship. Your happiness with yourself might just rub off to people around you and draw in that special person like a magnet, you never know.

Personally I wouldn't choose to be alone, myself either, but I have no choice, no prospects even on the horizon.

Not a seasoned dater, just seasoned.
I really like what you said about drawing someone in with happiness. That is, perhaps, one of the best things a partner can offer another.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #6  May 29,2009, 6:52pm
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My theory is that life is a never-ending pursuit of happiness. We should savour the moments but move continuously forward. Time does not stay still and neither should we. My advise to you
1. Identify what makes you feel happy with yourself now and hold on to it;
2. Take some steps forward and evaluate how you feel. If you are feeling better than before, then you are moving in the right direction. If not, let it go, return to status quo and start again.

It is unlikely that you are happy now only because you are single. So go ahead and date. If you meet a guy and the relationship adds to your happiness, go ahead and pursue it. If not, then don't. Don't ever allow anyone to take away from your happiness with yourself. If you feel this happenning, you are on the wrong track.
 
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LavenderFields is offline LavenderFields Post #7  May 29,2009, 7:17pm
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Funny you mention that you were happy and met somebody... now you are happy again and feel like not meeting people. No need to feel the urge, when one is happy, good thinks happen and you will meet people that are in your happy wavelength and WALA.. you won't be single and you would not even see the difference other than another slight jump up in happiness!
 
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WhiteChristmas is offline WhiteChristmas Post #8  May 29,2009, 10:22pm
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There's no rule that you have to date simply because you're not in a relationship! And taking a break from dating doesn't mean that it is a permanent break!

Being happy with yourself is something to enjoy, so if you want to enjoy it a little go ahead. Date when you want to, or feel ready to. But enjoy you!
 
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cp30 is offline cp30 Post #9  May 29,2009, 10:45pm

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I know what you mean. I do think its normal, especially for women.

There have been studies that have shown that men are actually more "happy" when married. You can find them.

As for me, I am extremley protective of my sanity and my space. I've also had relationships that did more harm than good. I'm a sensitive and giving person (though that might not be evident and some people can take advantage of that. It's okay if it is reciprocated, but relationships can easily become draining. Even good relationships can be draining, in my opinion. I think its perfectly normal to fear and be protective, very protective of what you have gained....independence and happiness, peace....

Guard it, and only let people in slowly that are mature enough to enter what you have created for yourself.

I'm not saying to be a crazy, non trusting loonie. Just...realize that it actually is okay and normal to prefer being alone than with people that drain you.....and even good relationships can be draining. so make sure you really want to be in something before jumping in.

But don't jump to the conclusion that its "wrong" because it takes work either. I've yet to be in a relationship that was really easy.
 
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lenemngk is offline lenemngk Post #10  May 30,2009, 5:53am
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I won't consider myself a seasoned dater but I do have something to say.

It's great that you are happy with yourself, enjoying doing things for yourself and wanting to savor your time with yourself. There's nothing wrong with that at all!

After that relationship, all those medical dramas and you faking smiles as well as falsely moving forward with life, it's not surprising that you have lost interests in dating. It's probably just a temporary thing and you are just taking a break from dating and not exactly losing interests in dating.

Before one can love somebody and wants to be loved back, one must love and be happy with him or herself first. You are on the right track. Just continue to enjoy your life though you are single. When you least expect it and when the timing is better or right, you will find somebody to date and enjoy the relationship.

Like I've said in another thread, a relationship is an extension to your life and don't make it your life. Don't even let it define you. There are more things to life than just a relationship.
 
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