askaway2 is offline askaway2 Post #1  May 29,2009, 8:33am
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Hi I am on SS/DI and not having a very easy time getting a date I have tried every dating site under the sun and once they find out I am not working and on SS/DI things go bad. Is there anything I could do or would you have any suggestions I am out of options on what to do.

Thank You,
Jeff
 
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eHA_Admin_Lori is offline eHA_Admin_Lori — Advice Official Moderator Post #2  May 29,2009, 10:33am
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Hi Jeff! Welcome to eHarmony Advice!

I'm sorry you have not gotten any responses yet. Maybe if you elaborated a bit about your condition that would provide some insight that the Community could work with in giving you advice?

Meanwhile, I will throw in my two cents. Make sure that your profile talks at length about your interests, and the simple things in life which bring you joy. In my opinion that would illuminate for the reader their opportunities for joy with YOU which would be independent of income/employment.

The reality is that in this economy, many people are out of work. I for one refuse to believe that this relegates them to a dateless existence. It might be a bit harder / take a bit longer to find someone special but I really don't feel it's impossible.

Just my personal 2 cents

~~~

Anyone else have anything to add to help Jeff out?
 
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scarlet13 is offline scarlet13 Post #3  May 29,2009, 10:43am

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It might be less about income and more about your disability.

it stinks but many people do not want to date someone who is disabled, for reasons ranging from expectations of care to hobbies not being compatible.

now, online dating may not work in your favor because people do not get a chance to know you and if your disability is limiting in a way that they are not comfortable with from a profile page.

i don't know your specifics so this may not help, but my suggestion would be to either get out and join a volunteer group to meet people (this can be as simple as answering phones and emails) or check out message boards and support groups for people with disabilities. a very good friend of mine found someone on a message board for the deaf completely by accident.

anyway, good luck!
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #4  May 29,2009, 11:34am
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If it really is just the SS/DI and not the disability, it's unfortunate, but I know a lot of people have the notion that if you're not a senior citizen and you're living off SS that you must be lazy or a mooch. If that's what's going on here, then fight that by highlighting your independence and your interests and hobbies. There have already been some good mentions here on how to do that. Show those ladies that you can take care of yourself and can even provide for others in some way. Prove to them that not working doesn't mean not staying busy. If they ask up front about the money, just tell them you have an arrangement and you're taken care of. If you can bust through those prejudices, I'm sure you'll do great!
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #5  May 29,2009, 12:46pm

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askaway2 wrote :
Hi I am on SS/DI and not having a very easy time getting a date I have tried every dating site under the sun and once they find out I am not working and on SS/DI things go bad. Is there anything I could do or would you have any suggestions I am out of options on what to do.

Thank You,
Jeff
Hey Jeff, welcome to eha, your gateway to helping you get the most out of E Harmony and dating. I put Aspergers on my profile. I'm proud that I'm enabled to do some things that many humans can't. I'm working which keeps me busy.

When I used to teach Job Seeking skills in NYC & NJ, that is what I tell everyone. You have to appear busy. Whether it's your hobbies and/or interests, being busy makes you appear more interesting & well rounded.

So I'd emphasize what your passion is. I've helped many inner-city adult women go from stay at home mom (suffering from low self-esteem) to fully employed worker. What can a SAHM say about herself? Well many of them were self-employed baby sitting for their neighbors children. That's one example.

I'm not telling you to lie. Just be yourself and you never know what happens! Also on eha here, there are a few threads, workshops on creating better E Harmony profiles. Check them out! Stay here on eha and read some threads.

Even join a few groups and meet some people. You will be amazed what you learn. One man put down on his profile he was unemployed. Within some time, he was married and working. There are women out there looking for YOU.

Your job is to be there and in a good mood when you come across their profiles and or they find you. Good luck! Let us know how things are going from time to time. And ask questions...you will find many eha women here with empathetic hearts who will help you.
 
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musmusculus is offline musmusculus Post #6  May 29,2009, 1:12pm
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The SSI/Disability as your occupation may be scaring them off before they can even get the chance to know you.

What do you do all day? Put that down as your occupation. If you paint, say you're a painter, if you write, say you're a writer. I don't think that witholding the fact that you get SSI is any more deceitful than me neglecting to put my salary in my profile. The main thing is that you DO receive an income and are able to support yourself.

You should be honest about the extent of your disability. If you can't walk without assistance, you probably should be up front about that in your profile. However, if you can't lift anything over 20 lbs, there's no need to disclose that right away.
 
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Gr8Guyn2008 is offline Gr8Guyn2008 Post #7  May 30,2009, 7:59am
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Since you indicate that you do get to communication with some matches and things south when they find out that you are disabled and don't work because of it.

You have not indicated here what your disability is and how restrictive it is. Your approach should be not on your disability but on all the things that you can do. As an example there is a young man at my church who is on disability income yet he is still able to be quite active. While he may not be able to participate in strenuous activities there are a great many activities that he can and does participate in.
 
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Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #8  May 30,2009, 10:25am
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I hate to be the negative person here, but I have to be honest. If you are living off of SS/DI, and you met the woman from a paying internet dating site, you might be sending up a red flag as being financially irresponsible.
 
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SpyderRyder65 is offline SpyderRyder65 Post #9  May 30,2009, 6:35pm
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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
I hate to be the negative person here, but I have to be honest. If you are living off of SS/DI, and you met the woman from a paying internet dating site, you might be sending up a red flag as being financially irresponsible.
that was uncalled for just cause your on ss/di dont mean your some kind of a bum. I hurt my shoulder and back in a slip in the kitchen I used to be a chef,I just tell girls i want to date im on forced retirement and I have my own money and I pay my own bills,I dont need yours but iam willing to spend some of my money on the right girl. U dont have to go into detail about your disability but like others have said.if u have hobbys I would tell them about them,ive dated a few ladies and they all new my situation u just gotta be confident guys who show there weakness early on in a relationship dont usually impress the ladys, A CONFIDENT MAN IS A HAPPY MAN and usually a man with a date . I wish u the best and hope u find the love of your life..........Michael
 
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outlaw1 is offline outlaw1 Post #10  May 30,2009, 7:49pm

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Oregon_Coast_Guy wrote :
I hate to be the negative person here, but I have to be honest. If you are living off of SS/DI, and you met the woman from a paying internet dating site, you might be sending up a red flag as being financially irresponsible.

Hmm why? I think I understand part of your premise. If the man is on a strict budget, wouldn't an online dating website be cheaper than going to nightclubs, etc?

Btw this question and other questions per those with disabilities can be addressed in the below link.
That is for those with disabilities (or those curious) that might have a question to ask of eha and/or E Harmony and/or a suggestion.

http://advice.eharmony.com/boards/gr...abilities.html

http://advice.eharmony.com/group/905...nity-team.html look for the dating and disabilities thread.
Last edited by outlaw1; May 30,2009 at 7:54pm. Reason: I wanted to spam my post with links :)
 
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