Armygui is offline Armygui Post #1  May 27,2009, 8:19pm
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So there is a girl that I met, a few months ago. We were both in training and initially I was not interested in her. I made an effort to get to know here simply because I knew that were going to be stationed together and I figured at least I could have someone to hangout with.

Well as our training came to an end we became a little closer and once we moved to a permanent location we began to hangout a lot. Initially I thought it was because we were both new and we had our training background. Then I began to wonder. At times she seemed pretty distant so I wasn’t sure if she likes me or not. But we spent an awesome amount of time together. So one day I took the leap I sent her a basket of wine and candy, when she moved in to her new place and the next day I asked the question. She kinda already had an answered prepared for me (getting the hint from the candy). That she wanted to concentrate on her career etc. At the time we were both pretty new and she was still in training while I was working. Well I took it in stride and we continued to hangout. She said that me asking her out would be an issue with her. So we continued to hangout and at times there was a lot underline tension between us. I let her do most of the calling and we still managed to spend time together but not without our share of issues I guess. Well then one day all of the tension erupted and she said that we could no longer be friends. She said that our friendship had become too complicated and that we needed some boundaries, whatever that meant. Well I was a little shocked and disappointed, I apologized profusely but it seemed that the relationship was over. Kind of like we broke up even though we were friends.

A few weeks later I saw her at work, I sat down and we began to talk. We quickly caught up ended up having dinner on a Friday night and I didn't get home till 2 am (11 hours) the next morning. We texted each other the next day (Sat). She ended up cooking me dinner the next day (Sun). Workout with her the day after that and a day later work out again. Her training is complete and there doesn’t seem to be the same distance between us. The tension is gone! Just when I had pretty much given up hope of us being friends now I guess I wondering if we could be more?
 
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Chickie1984 is offline Chickie1984 Post #2  May 27,2009, 8:34pm
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has exams and papers due ... hence why I'm back on here LOL

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your next move should be waiting for her to make a move.

She already knows that there will be potential for more with you, if she wants it, she'll let you know. Otherwise it might make things awkward again.

good luck
 
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Illumina is offline Illumina Post #3  May 27,2009, 8:48pm
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I wondered once how I managed to get dumped when I didn't have a boyfriend. I feel your pain. It sounds as though she does not like you as more than a friend. Only one way to find out really. Ask her out on a proper date. If she freaks out again you have your answer. Although, why you need to be told twice is beyond me. But if you really feel like things have turned around, give it a shot.
 
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DennisWisconsin is offline DennisWisconsin Post #4  May 28,2009, 8:25am
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She turned you down once, it is now up to her to let you know that she has changed her mind. In the mean time - if possible - I would start looking for love elsewhere...
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Last edited by DennisWisconsin; May 28,2009 at 8:38am.
 
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Edmondo is offline Edmondo Post #5  May 28,2009, 8:48am
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I have been in situations like this.

Too tell the truth dont waste too much time or emotion with her. She knows how you feel and let her make the next move.

I have had female friends in the past who said there was too much going on in their lives and couldnt start a relatesonship. So I waited for them and we went out as friends. I even lend money to them.

After waiting a LONG time they were still not ready. One of them had a one night stand got preggo and had the kid.

While your friends with her keep looking for a partner who is ready.
 
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Harvey7 is offline Harvey7 Post #6  May 29,2009, 10:33am

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I think that she has relationship issues from before joining the Army. I don't think the issues involve you in anyway, possibly family and an old boy friend where things turned out poorly for her.

"She said that our friendship had become too complicated and that we needed some boundaries, whatever that meant.?" What she meant is that she likes organized structure in her life without emotional surprises! It's also called The Rules of the game or relationship. She does not want confusion or complicated, she wants to feel like she can trust you and that you can trust her as well. But in order to form a more perfect union the two of you have to define what is and what is not acceptable in the relationship and write it up and the both of you sign it and include some fines $ for infractions, to avoid stepping on cracks that would be considers back breakers!
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Last edited by Harvey7; May 29,2009 at 10:38am.
 
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kingkole02 is offline kingkole02 Post #7  May 29,2009, 12:26pm
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Definitely a career "I don't really know what I'm doing yet" kind of attitude. She may not emotionally or mentally be ready for what you seem like as a attachable guy, meaning that she wasn't looking for a serious relationship but may be more ready now and giving you another chance.
Also, she could be looking for a person who understands her and she can be comfortable around, yet not intimate with just yet or at all, that is hard to tell.
I think you need to keep her in mind but never miss another relationship opportunity unless she makes an obvious, "I'm ready for a relationship move".

Or, just ask her what is going on if you find you can. If she is an open minded person she will be able to talk to you and that alone may enhance everything and end the ackwardness.

Women who play the defense tactics likely have been hurt by guys before and as soon as some guy shows them any signs near something they remember badly, they run. She probably has had a bad relationship and hasn't gotten out of that mind set just yet.
Last edited by kingkole02; May 29,2009 at 12:30pm.
 
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Fwiffo is offline Fwiffo Post #8  May 29,2009, 4:11pm
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If you're in the Army and you're both still doing "Training", and have not been deployed yet, she's probably got plenty on her mind already. My younger brother is still in, and he often tells me how "Lonely" some ladies get, you might just be getting that vibe and there's far less there then you think. If you really like her, don't give her a good reason to cross you off the possibility list. Be the Positive, Smart, and Considerate guy the others are not, be there if she needs you, and since you already gave her the idea you're interested, don't try to drive it home like a tent stake, you're far more likely to lose a friend then gain a new chica.
 
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IcecreamMoon is offline IcecreamMoon Post #9  May 30,2009, 3:04am
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Nothing to see here at all...

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There is only one person who knows the answer to your question, all we can do is guess without knowing much about her life. You can either sit back and wait for her to make a move or ask her if her feelings have changed. I'd recommend the former but it's easier said than done. If you decide to ask and she is still not interested, take it as her final answer and move on.
 
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