sweetgirl78 is offline sweetgirl78 Post #1  May 27,2009, 5:07pm
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This past Sunday was my first eHarmony date. We chatted through eH and through email and IM before our date and we were both excited to meet. The date was nice but i was getting mixed signals from him since the second we saw each other and met. I felt at first as though he looked at me like, "Oh, that's her", which was weird because i look exactly like my pics and i did not hide who i am at all. Then we went to a festival, laughed, talked, had a funnel cake together and had a nice time. At dinner i caught him holding his gaze at me several times and we laughed and had a nice dinner. Then at the end of the date, it seemed as though he couldn't wait to get rid of me. Before i got into my car he started to mention the follwing weekend, and said to himself, "Oh, that's right, i'm busy", and that was it. Later he sent me a text saying "I had a nice time. I forgot to tell you how nice you looked. You are a sweetheart with a great personality, thank you!" He hasn't texted, emailed or IM'd since. Is he telling me he's not interested by not contacting me, or am i looking to far into this? It's been awhile since i have been in the dating scene, so i am not sure what i should do if anything at all. A second date with him would be nice, he was a nice man and very much a gentleman, but i will not die if it doesn't happen. I just need some advice on reading the signals and should i contact him in any way? I don't want to come off as desperate (because i'm not) or stalkerish, lol! Any advice will be greatly appreciated! :-)
 
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coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #2  May 27,2009, 5:18pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
This past Sunday was my first eHarmony date. We chatted through eH and through email and IM before our date and we were both excited to meet. The date was nice but i was getting mixed signals from him since the second we saw each other and met. I felt at first as though he looked at me like, "Oh, that's her", which was weird because i look exactly like my pics and i did not hide who i am at all. Then we went to a festival, laughed, talked, had a funnel cake together and had a nice time. At dinner i caught him holding his gaze at me several times and we laughed and had a nice dinner. Then at the end of the date, it seemed as though he couldn't wait to get rid of me. Before i got into my car he started to mention the follwing weekend, and said to himself, "Oh, that's right, i'm busy", and that was it. Later he sent me a text saying "I had a nice time. I forgot to tell you how nice you looked. You are a sweetheart with a great personality, thank you!" He hasn't texted, emailed or IM'd since. Is he telling me he's not interested by not contacting me, or am i looking to far into this? It's been awhile since i have been in the dating scene, so i am not sure what i should do if anything at all. A second date with him would be nice, he was a nice man and very much a gentleman, but i will not die if it doesn't happen. I just need some advice on reading the signals and should i contact him in any way? I don't want to come off as desperate (because i'm not) or stalkerish, lol! Any advice will be greatly appreciated! :-)
He gave no indication he would see you again while you were together. Your date was Sunday and its now Wednesday and he hasn't tried to contact you. I'd say he's not interested. Kind of a bummer, but it's his loss, right?
 
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D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 27,2009, 5:34pm
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If I wanted to see a woman again, I set up the second date during the first one. If I didn’t, I made that clear simply by wishing her luck.

In my view, you should be sending a “thank you” e-mail anyway, and you could use that or another message to suggest something for a second meeting.

I think most guys will make clear when they want another date, but you do yourself no harm by taking some share of the initiative.
 
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pukeko is offline pukeko Post #4  May 27,2009, 5:41pm
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don't you just hated it when they do that!
 
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JoJoBean is offline JoJoBean Post #5  May 27,2009, 7:27pm
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I say don't contact him. I am guessing you sent a thank you text when he complemented you. That is enough, If he calls and wants to go out again go. If not, oh well.
 
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Chickie1984 is offline Chickie1984 Post #6  May 27,2009, 8:12pm
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did you send a reply to his text? or an email or something relaying similar information of a time well had and a desire to see him again? maybe he's waiting for you to give him an indication of interest?
What were your signals? He may have been confused (although even with clear signals and hints guys often don't get it, in my experience and from what guy friends tell me, they prefer you be blunt and direct, no "hints", or at least hint at first, if they don't get it, then be more direct).
a good read for someone unsure of signals is He's just not that into you. That book should be required reading, and there is a handy companion mini book with just the signs to look for.
 
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Illumina is offline Illumina Post #7  May 27,2009, 8:24pm
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He's not interested. Nobody's fault, it just is what it is.
 
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KungFuFtr is offline KungFuFtr Post #8  May 27,2009, 10:11pm
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
Later he sent me a text saying "I had a nice time. I forgot to tell you how nice you looked. You are a sweetheart with a great personality, thank you!"
That's a hell of a compliment. So what was YOUR response? You did respond right...?
 
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sc4me is offline sc4me Post #9  May 28,2009, 2:30am
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sweetgirl78 wrote :
This past Sunday was my first eHarmony date. We chatted through eH and through email and IM before our date and we were both excited to meet. The date was nice but i was getting mixed signals from him since the second we saw each other and met. I felt at first as though he looked at me like, "Oh, that's her", which was weird because i look exactly like my pics and i did not hide who i am at all. Then we went to a festival, laughed, talked, had a funnel cake together and had a nice time. At dinner i caught him holding his gaze at me several times and we laughed and had a nice dinner. Then at the end of the date, it seemed as though he couldn't wait to get rid of me. Before i got into my car he started to mention the follwing weekend, and said to himself, "Oh, that's right, i'm busy", and that was it. Later he sent me a text saying "I had a nice time. I forgot to tell you how nice you looked. You are a sweetheart with a great personality, thank you!" He hasn't texted, emailed or IM'd since. Is he telling me he's not interested by not contacting me, or am i looking to far into this? It's been awhile since i have been in the dating scene, so i am not sure what i should do if anything at all. A second date with him would be nice, he was a nice man and very much a gentleman, but i will not die if it doesn't happen. I just need some advice on reading the signals and should i contact him in any way? I don't want to come off as desperate (because i'm not) or stalkerish, lol! Any advice will be greatly appreciated! :-)
First of all, I think you are reading too much into his body language and the direction of his gaze. Signals are for air traffic controllers not relationships. You can't read his mind and he can't read yours. It is actions and words that matter.

There is absolutely NO WAY to know what is going on. He could have been looking for some action or words from you (to encourage him) or he may be dating several from eH and confused about how to handle that situation.

For the most part, all of us are new at this and we are feeling our way along. I think maybe next time I would make it a little more clear that you wanted to see him again. (if that is true)

I once dated a girl (not that long ago) who called me Sunday because my car battery went dead on me Saturday night - which embarrassed me. She wanted to make sure that I knew that she had a good time, and to find out if I was able to get my car fixed. I thought that was very kind. I may not have called her again if she had not made that effort.
Last edited by sc4me; May 28,2009 at 2:33am.
 
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sabete2002 is offline sabete2002 Post #10  May 28,2009, 2:39am
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You don't say whether or not you responded to his text message. He may be thinking the exact same thing if you have not responded. I think women forget that it can be just as difficult for guys.

It's not stalkerish to send an email saying that you enjoyed meeting him too, thank him for dinner and suggest it would be nice to see him again.
 
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