Third date in three months... Questions


Reply
 
Topic Tools Search this Thread
MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #1  May 26,2009, 4:38pm
MQRegan's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2008

New Jersey / Metro NYC

Posts: 324

See profile

So I have been seeing/talking/chatting with this girl for like three months. We went out twice, but the third date as been up in the air. We actually had it setup four times before. The first two, she had to cancel, and she did several days in advance. Third, she said she was tired and fell asleep. When she awoke, she called me after the fact. Fourth, was a few weeks ago. Said there was a communication issue, as she did not know we were setup to go out that day. After that, I said to myself why should I bother. I am getting nowhere. So, its been a few weeks and she called me a couple times last week and the weekend, but I was unavailable. She left messages on each time saying she wanted to get together and feels a strong connection with me. Come over and watch a movie or something. When she called yesterday, she said she wanted to do something this weekend. I said, well how do I know you are not just going to cancel again? She said she wouldn't and this time she's asking me.

Some other things to mention. She's 35 going for her masters in education, so she say's her time is mostly at school or studying or preparing work stuff. She NOW has a after classroom teaching job as part of the curriculum. Before the fourth date, which was her birthday, debacle, we were taking several days a week. Mostly she calling me. Forth, she's pretty secret about her personal stuff. I still, after three months, do not know her home phone or even last name. Have not brought this up since our last date in March. It does bother me though. She trusts me enough to come to my condo, but not to give me her last name or home phone? Does that make sense?

An no, I have not just waited around for her. I have dated other girls in the interim. Just nothing that really overwhelmed me. So, what do you people think? This would be the only girl I have dated which has been so secret about her life. She also lives with her parents still. Some Italian thingy. Plus, its close to her teaching school.
 
  Reply With Quote
SpyderRyder65 is offline SpyderRyder65 Post #2  May 26,2009, 4:50pm
SpyderRyder65's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 33

See profile

wow thats a tough one I know how u feel ive been seeing this girl i met on CL and for the first month all she did was come up with one excuse after another for not seeing me and then when I told her Ive had enough now shes like my best buddy. I think women need to think we are not as interested in them even though we may be totally hot for them.I would just tell her that u want to be honest with her at all times and u expect the same. she certainly shouldnt have a prob with giving u her last name or her phone number. those are basic things that if she really cares about u she shouldnt have a prob giving you. just tell her how u feel and if its not ment to be then there are plenty of more ladys to choose from.I wish u the best and hope it works out for u .......................Michael
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #3  May 26,2009, 4:52pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

Personally I would take control and tell her she needs to become reliably available. If she waffles, I’d dump her. Being busy due to work or school is fine, being flakey is a black-flag.

If you want to know her name, ask (did you?) If she refuses, I would probably leave. Home phone, not everyone has one, but same idea.

Hiding and unpredictable, limited availability means cheater.
 
  Reply With Quote
Oregon_Coast_Guy is offline Oregon_Coast_Guy Post #4  May 26,2009, 4:53pm
Oregon_Coast_…'s Avatar

We're one of a kind, like dip di-dip di-dip, doo-bop a doo-bee doo

Veteran

Joined: Sep 2008

OR

Posts: 2,405

See profile

MQRegan wrote :
So I have been seeing/talking/chatting with this girl for like three months. We went out twice, but the third date as been up in the air. We actually had it setup four times before. The first two, she had to cancel, and she did several days in advance. Third, she said she was tired and fell asleep. When she awoke, she called me after the fact. Fourth, was a few weeks ago. Said there was a communication issue, as she did not know we were setup to go out that day. After that, I said to myself why should I bother. I am getting nowhere. So, its been a few weeks and she called me a couple times last week and the weekend, but I was unavailable. She left messages on each time saying she wanted to get together and feels a strong connection with me. Come over and watch a movie or something. When she called yesterday, she said she wanted to do something this weekend. I said, well how do I know you are not just going to cancel again? She said she wouldn't and this time she's asking me.

Some other things to mention. She's 35 going for her masters in education, so she say's her time is mostly at school or studying or preparing work stuff. She NOW has a after classroom teaching job as part of the curriculum. Before the fourth date, which was her birthday, debacle, we were taking several days a week. Mostly she calling me. Forth, she's pretty secret about her personal stuff. I still, after three months, do not know her home phone or even last name. Have not brought this up since our last date in March. It does bother me though. She trusts me enough to come to my condo, but not to give me her last name or home phone? Does that make sense?

An no, I have not just waited around for her. I have dated other girls in the interim. Just nothing that really overwhelmed me. So, what do you people think? This would be the only girl I have dated which has been so secret about her life. She also lives with her parents still. Some Italian thingy. Plus, its close to her teaching school.

Oh my gosh, you should make yourself COMPLETELY unavailable to this woman. She has no respect for you at all. She is trying to take you out becuase it somehow works to her advantage if she can keep you as a friend. I think you should agree to get together, then cancel on her back. It sounds childish, but the point would get across.
 
  Reply With Quote
MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #5  May 26,2009, 5:03pm
MQRegan's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2008

New Jersey / Metro NYC

Posts: 324

See profile

When asked a back on the second date, she did not think it was important and would tell me when she felt it would be right. Acting childish is not a valid way in handling this.
 
  Reply With Quote
greatstuff2009 is offline greatstuff2009 Post #6  May 26,2009, 5:20pm
greatstuff200…'s Avatar

working... shhhhh:)

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Columbus, Ohio

Posts: 35

See profile

OK - from a 'busy' woman's perspective.

WEIRD.

I don't care how busy you are (I work RIDICULOUS hours in finance) you make time when you are interested in someone. I would not call her, if she initiates I would politely say that I want to see someone on a regular basis... call when she's ready.

Or as my 'grandaddy' says:

Once, shame on them - twice, shame on them - THREE times, shame on you.

Good luck to you!
 
  Reply With Quote
Supernurse584 is offline Supernurse584 Post #7  May 26,2009, 5:31pm
Supernurse584's Avatar

Newbie

Joined: May 2009

Posts: 1

See profile

Sorry but it sounds like your her "in case of emergency" date. Some people feel the need to always know there is someone who wants to date them even if they are not really interested in them. She's probably just been stringing you along until someone else popped up, dropped you, then when that didn't work out, called you. I'm a woman working on my master's and I'm really busy but I make time for someone at least once or twice a week if I really like him.
 
  Reply With Quote
D_Lion is online now D_Lion Post #8  May 26,2009, 5:31pm
D_Lion's Avatar

- Ladies want to wring my neck - you have been warned!

Sage

Joined: Aug 2008

Posts: 31,659

See profile

MQRegan wrote :
When asked a back on the second date, she did not think it was important and would tell me when she felt it would be right.

I do not see this person as truthful, or worth taking a risk on.
 
  Reply With Quote
coffeegeek is offline coffeegeek Post #9  May 26,2009, 5:49pm
coffeegeek's Avatar

You just can't be nice to some people ...

Veteran

Joined: Apr 2009

Posts: 1,045

See profile

This really seems like cheater behaviour. I'd give her one chance to come fully clean and tell you what's going on. If she doesn't, cut her loose.
 
  Reply With Quote
MQRegan is offline MQRegan Post #10  May 26,2009, 5:49pm
MQRegan's Avatar

Pacesetter

Joined: Apr 2008

New Jersey / Metro NYC

Posts: 324

See profile

Hmm. What makes it strange is that we had not talked since a week after the incident. Then she called, I did not return her call. She then called two days later, I did not return her call. She then called the next day, saying that she was sorry for the problems in getting together before. That we had good and bad, but the good overweighted the bad, but really thought we were building something together. I called her back. Then three days later, she called me back. Then called three times on Saturday and txted too. If she was not serious now, why would she want to come over to my place this Saturday? She told me to e-mail her the address so she has it and to call her later today.

Very perplexed in how to proceed.
 
  Reply With Quote
Reply


« So I got a number and... | Dating | The Fatal Flaw for Almost Perfect »
Topic Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new topics
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

Similar Topics
Topic Topic Starter Board Replies Last Post
How much physical contact is appropriate for a first date? JustSomeGuy12 Dating 158 October 15,2011 7:55am
My date yesterday-Not exactly the best! christianlife Dating 40 October 26,2009 6:31pm
First Date AlienBabe Dating 8 September 9,2009 3:26am
Do I go on the date or trust my gut? Seriousminded 40 plus singles 18 September 5,2009 7:44pm
To Date or Not To Date 4ever29 Relationships 2 May 18,2009 8:50am

Looking for a Great Relationship?

Get started now. Fill out this form and take the questionnaire to receive your matches.

First Name:

I'm a:
seeking

Postal Code:

Country:

Email:

Confirm Email:

Password:


How did you hear about us?


Latest on our Dating Advice Discussion Boards

“The guy who wrote the Tao of dating is kind of interesting. I'd check him out if you're looking for a coach. Seems like a lot of the advice he has is good for other areas of life, too.” –  nightling

Join the “So I've been thinking about getting a coach.” discussion

“ Snob. It is a board game, as is Candy Land, and it is no more important. Hah! Yeah, but...my chess board is two-tone onyx; doesn't fold in half. So I forgot about it being a "board" ... ” –  j0hn8andy

Join the “Favorite Board Game” discussion

“So, I just heard from the Matchmaker. Apparently Bill had time to call her from the road. lol She said, in so many words, that he started by enumerating the qualities he loved in me (looks, ... ” –  123noname789

Join the “My first "Matchmaker" date” discussion

“I think women who are fabulous don't need to say so on a date, and as a result come across as comfortable in their own skin.I think women who are fabulous also generally understand that making the ... ” –  nightling

Join the “What do you mean I'm not fabulous?” discussion

“ That's the impression I've gotten.” –  harnomygirl

Join the “Hold on, hold on, hold on!” discussion

“Recent advertisement for EH got me to wondering, will there be a way to tell if someone is just on for the free weekend? With people signing up just for the weekend how will paying members know ... ” –  ItsOkayToLook

Join the “Free Communication Weekend” discussion

“Thanks to you people, today I have "Crazy Penguin Catapult."” –  D_Lion

Join the “What kind of add you see on this board?” discussion



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 10:34pm.

Discussion Boards Archive

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Friendly URLs by vBSEO 3.6.0